Dirty Little Secrets [Announcement 11/8/2023]

Before I go, I've got to know:

Is that what you mean to say?	29.1%	[ 736 ]
Before I rise to my defense,	5.0%	[ 126 ]
Before I speak in hurt or fear,	5.6%	[ 142 ]
Before I build that wall of words,	4.3%	[ 109 ]
Tell me: did I really hear?	10.2%	[ 258 ]
Words are windows, or they're walls,	9.9%	[ 249 ]
They sentence us, or set us free.	6.2%	[ 156 ]
When I speak and when I hear,	2.9%	[ 74 ]
Let the love light shine through me.	26.7%	[ 675 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2525 ]

[mynameisprenn]

so wilson told me that i should be happy with myself. that i should learn how to love myself and not let how others feel about me, affect me emotionally, physically; because in the end, only i can control my own happiness. then why do i still feel depressed? why do i still worry about other people? why do i still wish that someone would actually make an effort to hang out with me? am i that worthless? i guess so. so much of the time when i do hangout with people, esp. girls. i always hear. "yeah so & so is coming later" or "im going over to so & so 's house to hangout" then somewhere down the road, ill hear about how wonderfullly their night went and how wonderful he was.i know that by physical appearance, social skills and everything in between, i'm sub-par. always have, and always will be. no matter how much i workout, no matter how many self-improvement books i read about communicating with people, i will continue to feel worthless. i always will be to the opposite sex. but i deserve this right? they're not the problem. it's me. i'm the problem its for all the wrong i've done in the past. now its come back to haunt me in the present and the future.
yeah. i deserve it.

i think its even worse when it comes to friends, guys and girls alike. bc most of the time, im the one usually left on the outside looking in. no matter how hard i try, no matter how eager i am. thats probably not the right word "eager". either way, when you want to fit in and try to be close with someone, but they don't want to be close to you? its okay the first time. you get over it. but after the 6th, 7th, 8th and so on, it stings.


but oh well. when you're constantly surrounded your own negative thoughts, it gets mentally
daunting, and eventually becomes physically tiring. but once you get past that part, you become numb
to it.

[Epicurean Heart]

It's been six months since we last spoke,...wonder if I still cross your mind.

[Hellodies]

You know you're a ******** hell of a procrastinator if you tend to pull off a two projects till late evening hours because god knows what catches your attention.
And in addition, you still have two worksheets to do, two essays, and you have to study for Trig. tests that are on Tuesday, and you're seriously not going to ace it because it's only one question easy and then the other four are ******** hard... emotion_bigvein

So much for a labor day weekend.....

At.... least I don't have work..........
sadly.

[Chronogenesis]

yum_tea
Also, what was with "basically she's black" being part of what you told me about the landlord of the property?
I didn't ask, didn't care and I strongly doubt I would have felt a compulsion to do something I was uncomfortable with just because we'd have the chance to what, talk about our ethnicity?

[spica dvir]

G&Jk, J & I are totally going to start playing Dungeons & Dragons


emotion_awesome

[Kiro_ShinigamiKiro_Shinigami]

you are gonna get whats coming to ya if you mess about! Karma is justice and You will know its bite often if you didnt learn the first time! Karma is a wheel, Do you wish to be broken on this wheel?

[venus a n d bacchus]

Staying at my grandpa's those 2 days was nice.
I like his house a lot.
in the backyard is a balcony my dad built, his back yard is pretty big.
he has a bunch of fruit trees and a little pond.
i like to sit on the balcony with some wine or just plain tea and a book and read and look at the scenery.
the hills look so pretty in san juan still. there's no houses on them.
or i like to just sit there with my thoughts.

I'm back at my house to pack the rest of my things up. I was hoping Laura would still go to Airzona so i wouldn't have to deal with her.
But everything is coming together pretty well.

Only thing is that I can't keep any food down I keep throwing it up
maybe from stress

[venus a n d bacchus]

I missed my cat so much ;__;
she missed me too.
she's passed out right next to me on her back with her belly completely exposed.

I really hope she adapts well with the animals at my grandpa's.
She has a lot of cat friends in this neighbor hood.
most notorious one is this orange male cat that always gets her to jump over the fence!! (don't really like him B|)
but i know she gets along with other cats.
She doesn't like dogs that much...
She still plays with Penny and Mayhem. So i guess she likes them to a very short extent.
She'll chase him around the yard and he'll chase her.
I think she'll be fine.. i'm just nervous
I love her soo much!

[Captain Glit]

All I want to do is make you happy.
I hope I do.

[Smoking Daffodils]

PrincessPussypants

All I want to do is make you happy.
I hope I do.

[gracious faust]

Dum spiro, spero.

[smile into the chaos]

you'recynicalandbeautiful
　　　　　　　you　　　　　always　　　　　　make　　　　　　a　　　　　　scene
you're monochrome delirious you're nothing that you seem
　　　i'm drowning in your vanity / / your laugh is your disease
you'redirtyandyou'resweet
　　　　　　you　know　you're　e v e r y t h i n g　to　me



Seriously? I don't hear a goddamn thing from him in two days, and then when I finally do it's imply 'here's the rent'? confused
Don't get me wrong, it's nice that I don't have to pony up more than my share of $450, but still. I was hoping for a little more conversation or something from him.

I was considering telling him about the way I've been feeling lately, because at the time I did think he'd actually understand. But now I'm not so sure, because of how distant he's been.
Instead, I'm thinking of leaving as much stuff as possible in boxes, and doing a good weeding of clothes and stuff to minimize the amount of stuff I have - because when this does inevitably run into the ground completely, I'm not paying $900 a month on my own.

[Suicide Salvation]

I need to do this. This one thing, for me. Not anyone else.

[Suicide Salvation]

I'm going to explain to my Mom that I need to move out. I'm suffocating in the house, and if I'm going to live on my own in Point I'm going to be clueless if I don't move out now.
S told me he wants to move into H's if we can find two more people. I'm hoping to God we can find two more.

[Suicide Salvation]

So I'm really ******** pissed