Dirty Little Secrets [Announcement 11/8/2023]

Before I go, I've got to know:

Is that what you mean to say?	29.2%	[ 743 ]
Before I rise to my defense,	5.0%	[ 127 ]
Before I speak in hurt or fear,	5.6%	[ 142 ]
Before I build that wall of words,	4.3%	[ 110 ]
Tell me: did I really hear?	10.2%	[ 260 ]
Words are windows, or they're walls,	9.8%	[ 249 ]
They sentence us, or set us free.	6.1%	[ 156 ]
When I speak and when I hear,	2.9%	[ 74 ]
Let the love light shine through me.	26.8%	[ 681 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2542 ]

[Bedroom Whore]

Don't rule it out yet.
emotion_c8

[fattiest fat cat]

I'm going to ask you what's wrong when you wake up, but I wish you'd just tell me instead of trying to force me into some kind of ******** up mutual insomnia.

[Gypsosaurus]

Ugh.
Whatever. Just whatever.

[Abel_Wilson]

The other day, Paige told me about how I couldn't know what she felt like because even though I'm Christian, I identify as being straight.
I can't sympathize with the problems LGBTQ people face just because I'm not "one of them"
So everything I felt was in the end, just a show of sorts. Fake.

It got me thinking and I was a bit confused at first.
I mean, why is it that I'm not supposed to be able to understand the pain and problems, but I feel like I do?

That question was haunting me. Haha.

Then, I guess God made me come across this photographer called iO Tillet.
I mean, I was looking for something related to Robots when I just found this video she made at TED.

http://www.ted.com/talks/io_tillett_wright_fifty_shades_of_gay.html

I realized something really important after watching that video, and Maaaaaddd Props to her for coming out with it!

I thought back to everyone I've felt attracted to, and I realized that I've never cared as much about their appearance or their gender, but more like the type of people they are.
I used to call myself pan sexual, but then everyone was doing it and I didn't want to fit into some sort of stupid stereotype. Blah blah blah, I called myself straight because everyone I've dated till now has been a girl.

But I've also flirted around with an ftm or two. I dated a girl who is now on her way to becoming a Guy and quite honestly it has never mattered to me what anyone has carried in their pants. All that mattered was their thoughts, ideas, philosophies etc.
The point is, I like people foro who they are. Nothing else really matters to me.

When I go to church, I get bothered by the way some people out there treat those that are gay or have any other preferences other than 100% straight or male/female.

I'm getting bothered because I'm not 100% straight. I don't exclusively like girls nor do I feel the need to go down on a guy.
I'm bothered that there is no "checkbox" for me.
Why cant I just be me?
I mean, is it wrong for me to be afraid that if I don't conform to a certain way, I'll be pushed into a certain group and be hated by my friends?
Is it also wrong to worry about not conforming to all the standards of that group and finding myself not accepted by them either?

Why cant I just have my own checkbox?

Why does any of this matter? I mean my identity goes beyond my preferences, right? I don't let my preferences define me.

Why do I need a checkbox?

I believe in Jesus, I follow everything he taught. I worship him and all that he said. I believe in miracles as well as evolution and the big bang. I don't believe in hurting someone just because they love someone, or aren't satisfied with who they are.
We are all human in the end, yes?
Then why do we need to classify ourselves?

Shamelessly formatted by GaiArch.

Shamelessly formatted by GaiArch.

[Blue Fuhrer]

I distance myself from people who smoke marijuana a lot.
I'm not interested in it and sometimes the people who smoke it are 100% more annoying than Fandoms because of how much they obsess over it.
I just hate listening to how "great it is" how "everyone should smoke" blahblahblahblah.
I don't give a s**t.
I'm tired of hearing your s**t.
Go tell someone else that cares.

[ctrl zee]

off to work and then yay hurray.
ugh, so not in the mood though, seriously.
i want hamish to come over tomorrow.
or at least see him tomorrow and monday.
cause we both have no work or anything.
and course is starting soon soooo.
:c uuugggghhh timing is weird and all.

[Bedroom Whore]

I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move.
The winter's so cold, summer's over too soon.
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow.

[Decaying Harlot]

Just walked outside in my underwear to let my dogs in and the guy who lives behind me came outside..
and went to grab wood from his pile and I'm pretty sure he noticed me not wearing pants. lol
This seems to happen a lot but ******** pants really.

[Blue Fuhrer]

Irska

******** pants

[Bunnycakie]

I didn't know my EVO V could run Ubuntu...oh, my chicken. I literally squealed like a school girl.

[Carnal Cupcake]

First day of "Februany."

******** my job this month.

Just.

******** it.

[Random by Nature]

I'm going to stab myself in the ear repeatedly. SHUT THE ******** UP. All you ******** do is b***h and scream. First Uncle stands outside my door and yells when I'm sleeping. They've been fighting about her car all day. Because yelling fixing vehicles. Now he's yelling at the dog for no ******** reason. She's yelling at he cat because she wants to eat. FEED HER. It's really easy. Get a little spoon, get the cat food, use the spoon to put the food in the cat dish and she'll shut up. MAGIC, right?

I'm so sick of always hearing yelling. If I walked around yelling all day, they would act like I'm a whiny, over dramatic b***h. Hmm. Nope, it's totally fine when you guys do it.

[Blue Fuhrer]

I wish she'd tag her homestuck stuff on tumblr with one of the tags that relates to it so I could have tumblr savior hide it but most of the time she doesn't.
I don't want to unfollow her because I care about her and I LIKE following her blog, I like when she posts things and talks about things and so I can communicate with her and feel like we're still connected even when we aren't talking but sometimes I just get so flustered having my entire dash full of it that I want to.

I'd wish that she never got into it, but I won't because I know she's made friends through it and that it's something she thoroughly enjoys, it's just something that makes me want to rip my eyes out and claw out all of my hair.
gonk

If I ask her to tag though she might get angry and I don't want to start a fight, I don't want to fight with her ever again... gonk

[Sammiifayse]

I look ******** amazing today!
I never feel like this!
Damn well enjoying it too ^-^

[he who howls]

✖✖✖

It's not like I'm thinking about you or anything.

Well, my highlight of the day was my little brother asking if I hate him-
Which, the question popped up because I had explained to him nicely yesterday that I didn't like him doing something and he did it again today so I gave him a bit of a dirty look and then went on with ignoring him.
So, after he asked me my mom was in the kitchen, listening in.
And he sat there, still doing what I don't like, and waiting on me.
I just. I didn't answer. I had nothing to say.
And I know, hate is a strong word. So I didn't say that I hate him.
On the other hand, I didn't say that I didn't, so.
I guess that makes me a terrible person for stooping to his level and being just as mean to him as he is to me?
I mean. I'd like to say I'm not one to hold grudges.
But with my little brother, Ian, he doesn't know when to stop picking on me.
And at that, no one even disciplines him about it, so it's not like he's gonna stop anytime soon.
Like...one of the worst things he's probably said to me was when we had the upstairs bathroom first finished, and a couple days after it was done me and Ian had a quick moment of confusion about who was going to use the bathroom.
He wanted to shower, but I needed to use the bathroom for something real quick.
So what did he do? He shoved me with his shoulder and quietly said that he would rape the ******** out of me.
I gave him a look, I probably told him to shut up, but-I left. That was that.
My mom was in the other room, and I knew there was no use telling her.
She'd think he and I were joking around.
If I had told her, I can guarantee you that she would not have believed me.
So I didn't even bother telling her.
I didn't tell my boyfriend, because...well. He'd probably tell me to ignore Ian.
Or say that Ian's stupid or something and I should ignore him.
But I just...I dunno. I was so petrified, as I've already been sexually abused in the past by my older sister, so what makes me honestly think that my brother-
A sibling who's bigger and much stronger than me, wouldn't do it?
Rape is probably one of my bigger fears. And, well. I dunno.
I dunno what more to say about that incident.
Otherwise, in general, my little brother's kinda mean to me-
And my mom allows it. She'll even join in and pick on me too.
Like. He enjoys teasing me about my posture, how I look.
He laughs at me and teases me whenever I mention my friends, and he'll flat out tell me I have none or that I can't get any.
I don't believe that. I think I have friends. But.
My insecure side gets hurt really badly by that.
That really makes me want to cry, whenever it's joked about.
Then he'll find almost anything about me and turn it into some joke.
If I make a mistake? He won't forget, and he won't let me forget either.
When I did the right thing before and let my mom know he was stealing from her purse, he cursed me out and such.
I just...I dunno. I feel like it's silly to hold a grudge, and I know it's stupid.
I read one of the ways to get rid of one is to think of the action as separate from the person.
...
But Ian's just a jerk. That's the only way I can really describe him.
I find myself having too much trouble doing that, but I know I need to drop it.
So I can forgive him and move on, it's not worth being mad about, right?
I mean. Sure. He's still a jerk and I'm never going to love him or anything like that.
But. I guess if I could just stand him.
...
Which reminds me. After I was tired of Ian assuming that I hate him and my mom and him were urging me to say that I like him, I left to my room.
I left them alone for a good hour or two, before my mom came into my room and told me that she thought Ian's feelings were hurt so I should go apologize.
...
I mean. I was so ******** just...ufghjgfdfghds. Mad. And disappointed.
If my brother hurt my feelings? My mom would join in with him.
Or my mom would laugh about it. She would never defend me, ever.
Even if I was in tears. She'd still laugh.
And the moment Ian's hurt?
Oh boy. She has to come to me, and ask me to apologize.
She has to make sure he's gonna be okay, because he's important.
But nope, not me. She could care less how I hold up after that.
...
I dunno. s**t like that makes me so mad.
I mean, I regret being mean, as to stoop to Ian's level and be a jerk as well.
But...I'm not sorry about hurting his feelings.
Merely hinting that I don't like him is not nearly that bad.
It's nothing compared to what he says.
It's not like...
I've teased him about cutting himself and killing himself, how he looks, walks, talks, who he hangs out with.
I've never told him that I couldn't wait until the day he leaves.
I've never told him how much I can't stand him, and how he needs to disappear.
I've never told him that nobody likes and/or loves him.
...
Well, anyhow.
Just wanted to get that off my chest.
I'm sure I'm still angry with him or whatever, but I'll live.
As long as I don't have to really interact with him later.

Fine, maybe I was thinking about you just a little against my will.

✖✖✖