Dirty Little Secrets [Announcement 11/8/2023]

Before I go, I've got to know:

Is that what you mean to say?	29.2%	[ 743 ]
Before I rise to my defense,	5.0%	[ 127 ]
Before I speak in hurt or fear,	5.6%	[ 142 ]
Before I build that wall of words,	4.3%	[ 110 ]
Tell me: did I really hear?	10.2%	[ 260 ]
Words are windows, or they're walls,	9.8%	[ 249 ]
They sentence us, or set us free.	6.1%	[ 156 ]
When I speak and when I hear,	2.9%	[ 74 ]
Let the love light shine through me.	26.8%	[ 681 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2542 ]

[the naughty buddha]

Life's no ordeal if you come to terms...
Reject the system dictating the norms...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I told Newman to get in the car and bring Adnan his food.
I gave Smee a chance to go but she insisted that she couldn't leave without her scarf. So I left.
My mom calls me and starts yelling me.
"YOU LEFT HER?!"
"Uh yeah. I told her to come on and she refused. I told her
I was gonna get Newman to do it if she didn't get in the car. She refused so I left."
"WELL SHE WANTED TO GO. SHE WAS JUST WAITING FOR ME
TO GET OFF THE PHONE AND FIND HER SCARF.
FIRST SHE WAS CRYING BECAUSE I KNOCKED HER ACROSS THE ROOM,
NOW SHE'S CRYING BECAUSE YOU LEFT."
"I told her that I was leaving. If you knocked the crap out of your six year old child, that's your problem.
That's on you. Don't call me and yell at me." Then I cut the call off.
We get home like five minutes later and she starts screaming at Newman and Adnan.
Like she called Adnan, who had nothing at all to do with the situation, and brought him into it.
Are you for real? Then! She continues to scream about it
and tells Newman she's selfish for not getting Smee anything.
As if she would have gotten anything for Newman
if she had gone. The screaming is what pisses me off.
The screaming about some small incident that isn't even a big deal.
Just shut your mouth please. It's sickening.

[Saint Loon]

Have to go back to work soon, And I picked up a shift for tomorrow-yes!

[Future Mischief]

I still don't think Nicholas Cage is a good actor.

[the naughty buddha]

Life's no ordeal if you come to terms...
Reject the system dictating the norms...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

What irks me the most is you acting like
you give a crap in the world about them.
You want everyone in the world to think you're
the world's best mom. But behind closed doors,
all you do is tell them they're stupid. They're the reason
you're so stressed out. They're the reason you're so
miserable. They're nothing but annoying. So on and so forth.
You don't fool me.

[tokyo dolls]

I'm happy that my mom is learning to be proud of me even when I'm not doing everything exactly the way she wants me to. She's still sort of only halfway there but it's better than it used to be.

[Sunny Abnormality]

it's probably about time i got off the computer
but i don't know what to do...

[Gypsosaurus]

I love talking to Phill.
He is so outrageous.

[deer dears]

can everyone just leave me alone.

[deer dears]

all my instincts are telling me to be alone.
be terribly alone.

[the naughty buddha]

Life's no ordeal if you come to terms...
Reject the system dictating the norms...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

There are days when I can hear the little voice in my mind telling me, "Get up. Go do something. You have prayers to make. You could clean the house. You have some exercising to do. You could go sit outside, enjoy the sun."
But the emptiness in me is greater than anything else. I just can't seem to get up and do anything. I'll respond with "Not today...maybe tomorrow...just not today...I'm too tired..."
"No. Get up. You can't lay in bed all day. You can't sleep all day. Do you hear me? Blood clots. Inactivity increases the risk for blood clots. Do you wanna die? Do you wanna have a stroke? Inactivity leads to being fatter. Get up. Do you wanna get even fatter? Is that you want? GET UP!"
But I never get up.
Sometimes I think that up until I was nineteen, life was pretty good. It was better than this. Despite the things I had dealt with, I found happiness in myself. I went to work. I made friends. I ran errands. I found ways to be happy. Now I can't find anything that makes me happy. I don't know when I let it get like this. When did everything become so unbearable? Have I lost my mind? Is that what it is? Have I cracked or something?
There are days when I feel like...maybe there's no point in fighting any of it. Maybe I should just accept that I will spend my afterlife in Hell and I should stop trying. No more praying. No more fighting it. What if I just stopped being afraid? What if I just accepted my fate and let it end?
I don't have anything left. I have no reason at all to keep living. I don't have any fight left in me. God forgive me. I'm sorry. But I'm so very very tired. I can't stand living like this anymore.

[La Cantarella]

Dark cloud, huh? How about I carve that into my leg next? Or maybe my arm this time?

[smile into the chaos]

you'recynicalandbeautiful
　　　　　　　you　　　　　always　　　　　　make　　　　　　a　　　　　　scene
you're monochrome delirious // you're nothing that you seem
　　　i'm drowning in your vanity | | your laugh is your disease
you'redirtyandyou'resweet
　　　　　　you　know　you're　e v e r y t h i n g　to　me



So I met up with the guy from the hotel today. After he gave me a 15 minute rundown of the job, he pretty much hired me on the spot.
Within the hour, he'd sent me a schedule for next week.

I'm stoked, but I will be so damn tired on Thursday and Saturday.
I don't work at the flower shop on Wednesday, but my first shift at the hotel is that night, plus I have an interview at the mall for 1 pm. I work till 10:30.
Then I work the next morning at the flower shop 9-5:30, and Saturday I work both. gonk

But hey, what I wanted was a job that would tire be right out, and sure enough... I'll be getting what I wanted for a couple of days, heh.
My last shift at the flower shop is next Saturday, though. Makes me sad, I really like working there. My boss lets me play with visual, she said today she likes my creativity. whee

[deer dears]

hands shaking.
dizziness.
********]

[Future Mischief]

I have a chance to meet Andrew Hussie tomorrow but I'll probably have an anxiety attack and chicken out.

[Manfaduck]

the only way i ever feel better. rolleyes