oh DERPENS: closed! thanks for another great year, everyone.

[Derplet]

I wonder what this thread could possibly be for???



Oh my god it's more Derpens. For the fourth year running, Dickens is here to bring you a little extra joy on this day of regrowth, flowers, and mischief. As per usual, everyone is entitled to at least one free monstrosity, with opportunities for more - there's the whole OTP thing that we did last year that we're bringing back, and we're also going to actually implement that breeding thing we mentioned vaguely and ominously last year! Yaaaay!

We'll be running this horrorshow between today, April first, through Friday, April fifth fourth woops haha what we meant was *FRIDAY*.

[Derplet]

I just love making rules

These are joke pets, so they can't interact meaningfully with the rest of our pets. Orrr really do much of anything, outside of these yearly threads. But, hey, they're... kinda cute? I guess? Definitely something. There is certainly an adjective or two that can be applied to them.


Limit one per person, per year, unless you complete an arbitrary task to earn another. We don't wanna be drawing up a million of these things, even if they are pretty simple.


Order in-thread for yourself. Maybe PM a form to the mule for someone else, if they haven't got one already.


We will be running delivery on these, hooraaaay! We'll tag you in a thread post unless you specify that you want it in a PM.


Play nice with each other, because ain't nobody got time for drama in an April Fools thread! Nobody!

[Derplet]

You what


Derpens is really about exploring the fine line between what is horrible and what is awesome:





Are you still alive? Do you want one? They're one per person, free, and you have the choice of gender, species and colors. There are definitely enough of these to satisfy whatever weird combination of those factors you so desire. They only come in solid colors and as adults, and I am just going to need you to deal with that.


Oh, look at what you can use:

[size=18][b][color=cyan]Give me one of those freaks![/color][/b][/size]
[b]Species:[/b] (Original, Alt, Long, Chubby, or Uncut)
[b]Gender:[/b]
[b]Main color:[/b]
[b]Secondary color:[/b]
[b]Name:[/b]

[Derplet]

fast and reliable shipping

Like an aging, cloistered dictator, Bombazine's demands have become increasingly specific and disconnected with reality. Last year she said, "I want people to have derpens OTP images in their sigs," so now that's going to be a yearly tradition because we said so! But what's the incentive? Well, if you make a derpens OTP image and post it in the thread, you can get two derpens this year instead of one. Isn't that awesome??

You can definitely use the same pairs as last year, but you'll have to make new images for them.

Special note for Photobucket users: stop using photobucket if you add an o at the very beginning of the url where the i is, so that it's .oi.whatever, the image will A) display properly for everyone and B) not redirect anyone who right-clicks to view it to a photobucket album page! If you don't do this, I will be kind of a little irritated, but there won't be any actual repercussions.

OTPs, with last year's under the spoiler

Pew!drt (Lolli, Bombazine)
Shirtograms (Scara)
Compression Method Equality (Rejam)
All My Childrens (Haisyn, Peaches)
I don't want to go choy-choy (Michie)
WilFair (Lolli)
HelloNachos (Tiarana, Suishii)
Circus Love (Peaches, Tiarana)

i will lift you up (Aeth, Peaches)
A new year, a new love (Scara)
Bros 4 lyfe (Tia, Lolli)
Wizard and faithful steed (Ruri, Syr)
Berserker (Lolli, Diedrich)
A generation mourns (kota x Wyrm)
You're Pretty When You're Mad (Peaches, Patmos)
It's That Time of the Month Again (Pope, Tia)
Our Love is Ludicrous Speed (Michie, her husband who is not on gaia)
Bby You Make My World Go 'Round (~Lady Kanna~, Lady Argentum Draconis)

One True Pairing, One True Pairing:

[size=18][b][color=red]My hunger for dumb pets will never be sated![/color][/b][/size]
[align=center][img]otpimageurl[/img][/align]
[b]Species:[/b] (Original, Alt, Long, Chubby, or Uncut)
[b]Gender:[/b]
[b]Main color:[/b]
[b]Secondary color:[/b]
[b]Name:[/b]

[Derplet]

oh my GOSH

Remember how we kinda hinted that breedings were gonna be a thing last year, and then completely failed to deliver? Well they're actually factually honest-to-goodness gonna be a thing THIS year instead! Getting a chance at a Derpens breeding is relatively easy - you just take that OTP image you made for your second Derpens - you DID make an OTP image for a second Derpens, right? - and stick it in your signature for a couple of days! If you put it in there today, you're eligible for a breeding tomorrow, if you put it in tomorrow you can apply for a breeding on Thursday, or if you put it in on Thursday you can try on Friday. If your OTP gets picked, they'll get a special litter of Derpens pups all their own. WOW!!

If there's enough interest, there will be one breeding every applicable day! If there's more than three entries, we'll raffle the slot(s).

On day one, once your image is in your signature, post this -

[b][size=18][color=#67815a]Wait for it... waaait for iiit...[/color][/size][/b]

Then, on day two, post this! (don't forget to put your username in the agreement section.)

[b][size=20][color=green]BAM, BREEDING TIME![/color][/size][/b]
[align=center][img]otpimageurl[/img][/align]
[b]Owner of other derpens:[/b] their username so we can quote them!

[size=9]I, [b]username[/b], accept liability for any and all possible damages, deformations, and deaths caused by this action, and do not hold Garbage Bags, Derplet, or any member of oh DICKENS staff responsible in any way, shape or form for the suffering I have inflicted on these poor, innocent animals.[/size]

ELIGIBLE BREEDINGS:
Shirt x Jim and the Holograms
oxyMORON x Frinkle
Ebony Dementia Dark'ness Raven Way x Evil Wil Wheaton
I don't want to go into the water x Phil Phil
Headache x oxyMORON

[Derplet]

it's good to know what you're getting into

So, we got the most amazing textwall of a testimonial from Jun D a couple years ago, and it made me think that testimonials should be a thing, SO WE'RE DOING THIS, MAN. WERE MAKING THIS HAPEN.

Jun D

O man, I am so ridiculously late to the party but my joy is as real and immediate as it would have been two days ago! Well, joy, or something like bittersweet wistful pathos because like Maxx said that Infinite Sadness is a pretty good portrait of my current state and that kinda makes me weep bitter tears. But it is pain of the best kind, I love it down to the deep deep depths of my hollow aching heart. If I could be happy, I would be so friggin' happy with it, it is perfect - and now I have to get an actual d**k called Mellon Collie. (Has that been used yet?) THANK YOU SO SO VERY MUCH! And thank you so much Michieluv for making sure we didn't miss out!

I loved looking at all the Derpens this year, I can't articulate how incredibly compelling and amazing I find them, they just strike this deep primal chord in my soul.

Judy Finch

"Ordered an office chair, this was inside the box. Very confused, but shipping was fast. 4/5 stars"

Richard Bottoms

I went to drop mine on the floor of its playpen, but it stopped and began rotating in midair. I hooked it up to a generator, and it proceeded to solve the energy crisis - but then it ate my newspaper. I was very disappointed. 2/5

Secren Pr0n Fairy

I don't think the TOS allows me to tell you what I actually do with these, but they ARE THE SUPER BEST. Don't even need lube!

derpensjusticewarrior.tumblr.com

Listen here pee-slut, I bet you 5 million dollars that you don’t own a derpens. But guess what? I own 7. And I can tell you right now that a derpens would never just walk into something like an April Fools joke shop like it was a chocolate fountain. They’ll rarely walk directly into water.

But say that your idiotic theory is correct.

Say it did actually walk into it.

That derpens still probably died.

Is that still funny to you? Do you still get your kicks out of knowing that that derpens was probably terrified and opening its mouth to scream on that front page?

And if you say yes then you seriously disgust me as a human being.

Dr. d**k

People need to understand that derpens with special needs don’t have an illness, they are not looking for a cure only acceptance. 93% of you probably won’t copy and paste this…will you be in the 7% that will and leave it on your status for at least an hour. Derpens week April 1nd to the 3th

Youngster Joey

Hey Derpens, I have a very serious problem. I’m ******** crying because of how stupid I am.

Okay, so my girlfriend was supposed to come over to my house today because I was going to go take her to a movie. She lives about 20 minutes away, and the movie we were supposed to see started at 4:15, which was in about 40 minutes. I figured “cool, I’ll just go on Gaia while I wait”.

So I’m browsing the B/C, and having a pretty damn good time. Anyway, she finally does show up, except she’s crying as she walks into my room. Instead of doing the right thing by comforting her, I half-focus on my game and her. She starts telling me her cat died, and just as she was getting into it, I come across this weird picture with rainbow text in some person's sig and I realize what it means.

Derpens is open. Holy s**t. (For those of you who don’t know/care, Derpens has less than a 1/120 chance of being open; 3/365 to be exact.) I stare into my screen in amazement, yelling “holy s**t, YES”, interrupting her mid-story. She sobs more, and she starts to yell “You don’t even ******** care! YOU JUST WANT TO BUY YOUR ******** PICTURES OF ANIMALS THAT ARE ALL THE SAME SHAPE!” I’m still looking at my screen, still focusing on filling out the perfect derpens order form, when she walks over, and tosses the computer against the wall. I run over and pick up my laptop, hoping that nothing has changed on screen, and quickly noticed that she broke it. My computer and my derpens, gone forever.

I start screaming every obscenity I know, and started flailing my arms around. I didn’t know she was behind me, and apparently I backhanded her in the face while I was being a dumbass and swinging my fists around. She yells out “******** YOU”, and runs out of my house in tears.

What have I done? I’ve ******** up so badly, and I need to know how to approach her. I don’t want my stupid girlfriend to keep me from getting a derpens, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to copy-paste a form from my phone and my computer's not going to be fixed for a week.

grandma dot

google.com

casserole

casserole recipes

best casserole

chicken casserole

how to make best chicken casserole

cracker barrel chicken casserole recipes

chicken and dumplings casserole

dumpling recipe

interracial inflation and tickling

chicken and gravy dumplings casserole

chicken gravy

chicken and waffles? what are chicken and waffles?

grandma dot

my granddaughter just informed me that isn't google. sorry. i dont know what this site is but do you have a good recipe for chicken casserole i am trying to find one

Have your own feedback to submit? Use the form, and we'll get back to you? If we feel like it?

[size=18][b][color=purple]I have some feedback for you![/color][/b][/size]
[b]Your Name:[/b]
[b]Your Review:[/b]

[Derplet]

✔ check, please ✔

The_Great_Book_Wyrm ✔
Syrcaid ✔
troll toll ✔
Aethubryn ✔✔
Kaname Kyoto ✔
Tiarana ✔✔
[NPC] President Diedrich ✔
kotaline ✔✔
Patmos of Endtimes ✔
Znaruto ✔
LOLLI qAq ✔✔
purplerosesbeauty ✔
The Cake Mage of Sheep ✔
FrostyPeaches ✔✔
Ruriska ✔✔
Scaramouche Fandango ✔✔
iStoleYurVamps ✔
caustic 0_0 ✔
hybridic ✔
sproutyhead ✔
grasshopper pie ✔
thyPope ✔✔
Haisyn Fierra ✔
~Lady Kanna~ ✔
Yunonia ✔
StarieMichie ✔✔
Petite Kitsune ✔
Sleepy_Shadow_Fox ✔
Lady Argentum Draconis ✔
Tellah Amna ✔
Maxx D ✔
Jun D ✔
Kitty Sprightt ✔
~Lady Kanna~ dos
Arana Kamina

[Derplet]

Everything comes from somewhere, even these.

The cert was made by Bombazine, and made better (given a certain definition of better) by Kitty Sprightt.
The derpens are made, not by elves, not by a cruel and merciless god, but by Kitty Sprightt, Sproutyhead, and Tiarana. Possibly also Bombazine? We just don't know!