- Posted: Thu, 05 Jan 2006 05:00:35 +0000
join the guild | spy on the unit | melt your face off
Hi, I'm Archie Saturn, alien criminal.
Once upon a time, I ran a little something I like to call the Interplanetary Criminal Relocation Service out of my backyard. Well, the grassy knoll in Aekea where the pods landed wasn't my yard at first, but after I built my house on the land it was!
See, back in the day, there was this group of... interstellar guys... who called themselves the Interplanetary Council. The group was made up of scientists and politicians and some other beings you'd think wouldn't want anything to do with each other. Oddly enough, they all had a common desire - to send their planets' criminal element... somewhere else. That 'somewhere else' turned out to be Gaia, one of the few planets that knew nothing about the council and its actions.
So, some scientists and engineers built these tiny pods - a punishment themselves, really - and the politicians chose several examples of the criminal element to be pioneers in space exile. The lawbreakers were stuffed into the pods, the coordinates to Gaia were set, and off they went! The Council expected criminals to land in the same shape they left in, but somewhere along the way, every last one of them was turned into an infant, and most drastically changed in appearance as well.
For a while, I was distributing my fellow aliens among the humans of Gaia, but when the Council disbanded in January of 2007, the pods stopped landing in my yard. Apparently they're landing all over Gaia now, so keep your eyes peeled and you might get the dubious honor of re-raising a felon!
If you do find a pod and need a little help, my number's listed.