[Private for b i z a r r e briefs & B3N3V0L3NTxF4iiRY___xo]

[B3N3V0L3NTxF4iiRY___xo]

✖✖____________________________it'sian-alexandre,love

{ we're so crazy in love }_________________________

Telling Ian to stop worrying was like telling the sun to stop shining when there were no clouds in the sky; it wasn’t going to happen. Same thing went for the apologizing; it wouldn’t happen. it was just who Alex was. but he would never tell Evan any of that. Might as well let him think that Ian could stop worrying, right? He would always be afraid that something – be it his family or one of his screwed-up traits – would scare Evan off. At least Evan made it easier not to worry; he kissed Alex. Remi was positive that Evan’s kisses would never fail to make his brain stop working, and his knees want to give way, and his heart start to flop. Oh, and then he called Ian beautiful, and boy did he get the blush he wanted. Ian-Alexandre was not at all used to being told he was attractive. And even if he was, to hear it come from the mouth of the boy he had been insanely in love with for so long would have made him turn as red as a tomato. And that’s exactly what he did; he turned bright red, all the way from his collar bone to the tips of his ears. He so wanted to bury his face back in Evan’s chest, but the taller boy was pulling away… and then he was staring, and Ian felt the blush get worse, if that was possible. He felt so ugly next to Evan, but if he wanted to stare, then by god, let him stare.


Alex was just getting used to the staring when Evan spoke again, and then kissed his nose, a huge smile covering his face. Evan thought he was addictive. That made him feel pretty damn special. But before he was given too much time to think about it, Evan was scooping him up like he was a small child. A small gasp escaped his mouth, and his arms tightened around Evan’s neck, but it didn’t take long for him to relax. Once he did, he found himself quite comfortable. It was so nice being that close to Evan, even if he still found it very weird that he wasn’t freaking out, that he was actually calm. He wasn’t scared in the least bit. All too soon he found himself being sat on the porch swing, followed by a brief kiss to the forehead, and a command to stay put. Alex really hated to stay put and just watch Evan do all the work, but he wasn’t going to argue. As long as it didn’t take too long, anyway. He was really wanting Evan to be close again. But he wasn’t going to complain if it meant he got to look at the presents before anyone else did.


As the first set of gifts was deposited at his feet, Alex grinned, and then started looking through the basket. The first basket, the one for Harmony and Ryan, looked like a rainbow. Ian didn’t even have to see what it was to like it just for how colorful it was. There was Alex’s ADHD rearing its ugly head; all he wanted to do was stare at the colors. But he forced himself to look through the basket, and he knew that at least Harmony would like it. Ryan would like it simply for the fact that it would be one less thing he had to buy. Next was the picture, and that was when the staring really started. Alex knew that Evan was an amazing artist, he had pictures Evan had made him in his room after all, but he hadn’t expected him to do anything like that. It looked exactly like the picture, except for the fact that Ryan had been wearing glasses in the picture Alex had sent of them. Needless to say, Alex was in awe of the giant picture.


He wasn’t given long to be in awe before the next gift was placed in front of him, this one for Julie. She would love it, he know that for sure. Julie practically lived in her kitchen and the twins’ room, so he could only imagine how thrilled she would be to be getting all of the kitchen supplies. Maybe he could convince her to make some muffins, the kind he could eat. Maybe. He would have to try later. The next gift was the one he envied the most. But since he knew Caleb like he did, he imagined he would have a really easy job of stealing it from him. Knowing Caleb, he would probably refuse the gift, or at least not accept it until Alex made him accept it. But then again, once Caleb saw what was in the bag he would probably accept it without a qualm, and be perfectly happy to lock it in a glass case where no one could touch it. He had to admit, he was very curious as to what was in the cards, but he wouldn’t ask. What was in them was between Evan and the people they went to. They were none of his business.


The next gift was the only one he didn’t try to open to see inside of. The briefcase was beautiful, and Alex knew without a shadow of a doubt that Dr. Richardson would adore it. Alex had seen his current briefcase, and he wasn’t afraid to admit it was in sad shape from all the years of use. He could have used a new briefcase years before, but he hadn’t got one. Now, if only Alex could figure out how to open the damned thing. he gave up when Evan came back onto the porch with the twins’ gift, and sat the briefcase on the ground with the rest of the presents, contenting himself with looking through the baby things. That was, until he heard the piano.


It was well known to the Richardson family and the two people who tagged along with them that Alex was a worry-wort. And not just your average worry-wort, either. Ian-Alexandre had always been able to tell how people were feeling by their habits, and their faces. Everyone has a habit they do when they’re nervous, or upset, or sad, and Ian made it his job to know everyone’s little habit. His, for instance, was chewing on the skin between the first and second knuckle of his right index finger. Ryan chewed on his glasses, Harmony would rock from foot to foot, or suck on the pendant of her necklace. Julie would bite her nails, or frown, which was something she rarely did. Dale would tap his foot to a random rhythm, or jingle the change in his pocket. Then Caleb, he was the hardest one to read when it came to being upset. It had taken Ian-Alexandre twice as long to find his nervous habits as it had everyone else’s. All Caleb did when he was extremely upset was zone out. He would stare at something; anything, and then it would be like he wasn’t there. Normally that was the kind of thing Ian would pick up on instantly, but there was a reason he hadn’t noticed that. Caleb’s biggest nervous habit was something he couldn’t do everywhere. Actually, he could very rarely do this nervous habit. When he was extremely upset, he would sit down at the piano, and then play for all he was worth.


Needless to say, when the sounds of the piano reached his ears his first reaction was to worry. He had a pretty damn good idea, because it was fairly obvious, but he still worried. It was just in his nature. part of his mind was telling him to run inside and figure out what was wrong, but the larger part of his mind told him that was a really, really stupid idea. He already knew why Caleb was upset, even if he wouldn’t admit it, and he knew exactly what Caleb would tell him if he asked if there was anything he could do, and Ian knew it was something he couldn’t do. So, he would just have to pester Caleb about it later. Maybe after everyone was asleep he would be able to talk to him. Harmony had decided at the last minutes that everyone in the wedding party had to stay at the Richardson’s’ house tonight. Thank god the wedding party wasn’t huge, and thank god it was really easy to pair everyone in that wedding party off and make them share rooms. But Alex knew for a fact that Caleb had issues sleeping, and since he did… He could just sneak out long enough to see if there was anything he could possibly do to cheer him up. Well, anything that was something he could do. He did have his limits, after all. Anything involving hurting Evan in any way, shape, or form was out of the question. Maybe Harmony would notice and try to help. She and Alex had talked plenty about nervous habits and such, so surely she would realize that Caleb at least needed someone to talk to. Yeah, she might have had other stuff to do, but Alex knew her well enough to know that if she thought she could help, she would.


Ian hadn’t even realized he zoned out until Evan was back on the porch, luggage in tow. And it wasn’t until Evan had taken the twins’ present out of his hand and snuggled into him that he realized he was chewing on his finger. s**t. Alex quickly pulled his hand away from his mouth and wiped it on his coat – something that really didn’t work to well since the coat was slick with melted snow – and looked towards the window. And, of course, the curtain fluttered just as he did. He should have known Harmony was spying. But, damn it, if she saw him chewing on his knuckle then he was in for one hell of an interrogation. Ian-Alexandre felt a slow smile cover his face after he received the kiss on his cheek, and then scooted closer to Evan, one arm snaking around his waist. There. That was better. Would everyone like the presents? Ian-Alexandre felt a tiny smirk cover his face. Obviously everyone would love them; Evan had gone a little bit overboard with the gifts after all. At least, Ian thought everyone would like them. The only one he was even remotely concerned about was Caleb. Alex knew Caleb well enough to know that he would want to hate the gift, and would probably take forever to even look at them a second time. That was just how he was. Ian would never tell Evan that, though. Better to let him find out on his own. Well, not better. More amusing for everyone else involved. Before Ian-Alexandre had a chance to say anything, though, Evan was talking again.


Oh-ho. Now came the part he wasn’t looking forward to. Ian-Alexandre was positive he had made it extremely clear to Evan that he didn’t like getting presents, but that had never slowed the older boy down before. He shouldn’t have allowed his hopes to get so high that he had forgotten Ian-Alexandre this time. But he had. With every gift he looked through he let that hope grow just a little bit more. There had been so much that he had honestly thought Evan would have just considered that enough. Ian would be happy knowing everyone else was happy; it was just how his mind worked. But if Evan wanted to shower him in gifts he didn’t deserve, then who was he to argue? He seemed so happy when he was giving people things, and that made it worth it, even if he really hated getting gifts. The second he saw the little black boxes, he immediately started narrowing down what the present could be. It was obviously a jewelry box. The box was too small to be a bracelet or a necklace, though. So that left rings or earrings. And since Alex didn’t have his ears pierced… Once he had the box in his hands, he honestly got excited. That was usually all it took for him to warm up to the idea of a present; holding it. So the second it was in his hands he started to pry it open… until Evan told him not to. Well, pooey. He felt another huge smile slowly start to cover his face while Evan talked, and the evil blushed tried it’s hardest to creep its way out as well. He managed to stop it, though. He felt the smile grow even more as Evan reached over and opened the box, and then he just stared.


It took a moment for everything to sink in. Actually, it took until Evan completely finished talking for everything to sink in. Matching rings, and a speech about how he was in love with Ian… If he wasn’t completely off, these were promise rings. It took another few moments for the entire impact of that to sink in, and the second it did he tugged the ring from its box carefully. Of course he was going to wear it… just not until he’d given it a thorough inspection. The smile that seemed like it was permanently sketched onto his face grew the tiniest bit when he saw the inscription. He gave the small ring one more glance-over, making sure he hadn’t missed anything, and then slid it onto his ring finger. Ta-da. He stared at the ring for a few more moments, what he was sure was the silliest smile ever covering his face. He wasn’t sure he could stop smiling, or stop staring either one. That, and he didn’t want to talk until he was sure what would come out wouldn’t sound like a silly movie. That was really the only reason he wasn’t kissing Evan just then. He didn’t want to seem like one of the silly girls in the romance movies, because that wasn’t how he was. Okay, maybe he was just a little bit like that on the inside, but that was one of the traits that stays safely locked inside your mind.


“Of course I’m going to wear it.” So, the reply was a little bit late, and completely obvious. But whatever. Until he could trust himself not to say something ridiculous Evan would have to deal with that. Maybe once he could stop staring at the ring he would be able to come up with something better. Or, he could just kiss Evan and take the risk of looking like a silly, lovesick girl. Actually, the more he thought about it, the more he liked the sound of kissing Evan. It had been at least a few minutes since their last kiss, after all, and they had proven pretty damn well that they couldn’t go long without one. So maybe he didn’t need to say anything at all. Evan knew Alex was no good with words, why talk? Ian-Alexandre felt his tiny grin grown into a smirk, and then he turned his head around and smiled at Evan. “I love you, Evan Giovanni Finnian Gabreil Laodire.” He leaned in the tiny bit it took to kiss the boy he was in love with, pulling away after just a few seconds. “Are you going to wear yours?”


The words had barely left his mouth before he heard the front door opening, and heard the quick rhythm of a foot tapping the wood floor. He didn’t even need to look to know it was harmony, most likely to demand he tell her why he wasn’t carrying all of Evan’s stuff inside. Or to tell him he really needed to go talk to Caleb, because the piano was still playing in the background. So when all she did was stare at him with one eyebrow arched, he started to get a little bit nervous. Ian squirmed a little bit so he could look at her, raising an eyebrow back at her. He had to bite his lip to keep from laughing when she smiled, a huge, toothy grin, and moved her eyes just the tiniest bit towards the finger that now sported the ring. Ah! He knew she’d been spying on them. The little nosy b***h. She stared at him impatiently, waiting for him to spill the beans. Like hell he was going to tell the story with Evan right there. That would just be a little bit embarrassing. So he barely shook his head, something you wouldn’t notice unless you were watching for it, and a frown immediately replaced harmony’s toothy grin. The frown quickly turned to the puppy face, something she knew Remi was barely immune to. Now it was his turn to arch his eyebrow again, and she back off into the safety of the house, but not until she’d stuck her head through the barely opened door long enough to gesture towards the place he knew the piano was with her eyes. Her hand was the last part of her to stay outside, and that was only long enough for her to point at Ian, and then towards the direction of the piano again, followed by “talk to him later” being spelled out in sign language.


Oh how he loved their silent conversations. Evan was probably as confused as hell, because to anyone who didn’t know their secret language it would have looked like two people staring at each other; one’s expression changing every little bit, the other barely moving at all. And then the sign language at the end would have been enough to throw anyone off who hadn’t had tons of practice piecing the American Sign Language alphabet together as quickly as Ian and Harmony could. They had to have their mode of silent communication, after all. Otherwise everything they said would either be taken to mean “I’m hungry. Julie, make me cookies.” Or Dale would overhear and every single thing they said would be over-analyzed and the blame for whatever they had said would be placed on some event from their childhood they couldn’t remember. It was just stuff to get used to in the Richardson household. Ian let out a small sigh, and turned to talk to Evan, maybe try to explain what he had just witnessed, but he caught the flurry of the curtain out of the corner of his eye. And, of course, Harmony’s tiny hand was in front of the curtain, waiting until she was sure he was paying attention to start signing away. “Really. You have to talk to him later. He’s on the verge of tears. And he’s playing Farther Left To Fall, and you know what that means.” Alex wrinkled his nose at the window, and waited for Harmony’s face to show up before he signed back. “I’m going to tonight, after everyone is asleep. Talk to him for me, please.” He threw in his own puppy face, just for good measure, and then smiled as she huffed and walked away from the window.


Ian-Alexandre: 2, Harmony: 0


Now he really had to explain to Evan. Not all of it, since he didn’t want to get into the whole Caleb thing, but most of it. He turned back to Evan, and cuddled up to him, resting his head on Evan’s shoulder. Mm, so comfortable. “Sorry about that. I’ll explain later, once I’ve fixed everything. Don’ be surprised if Harmony and I do that all the time,” he muttered, leaning his head up the tiniest bit to press a kiss to Evan’s jaw. “If you’re smart, you’ll learn the American Sign Language alphabet, and learn how to understand it when Harmony and I speed through it like we were. Otherwise every single thing you say will either mean you’re hungry and want something sweet, or that something horrible happened when you were young and is affecting you now.” Ian rolled his eyes, a tiny smile still on his face. As annoying as his family could be at times, Ian-Alexandre wouldn’t trade them for the world. They had made him realize what a real family was supposed to be like, how a normal family acted. It just made him wish he had had one when he was a little kid.


Now, he just had to convince Evan to come inside, and to let him help carry in all of the stuff. Because whether Evan liked it or not, he would probably have an army carrying everything in soon enough. Knowing Harmony, she would tell Ryan how many presents were out there, and then he’d tell Julie, who would announce it to the whole household. And then she would chase them all out there to help, wooden spoon in hand. Okay, no wooden spoon today, since she was just making the food for the dinner, and as far as Ian knew no wooden spoon was needed for that. But he really didn’t know, seeing as he didn’t even know what they were having that night.As a matter of fact, he heard the curtain flurry again, so he immediately looked at the window. “Mama says to get your fanny inside and show Evan his room. She said to leave the stuff out there and let Ryan and her get it. I wouldn’t argue; she has a knife.” Alex couldn’t hold back the laugh that came with the last bit. The image of short, plump Julie Richardson chasing them down with a knife was a funny one. With a huge sigh, Alex pulled himself up off of the swing, and grabbed Evan’s hands to tug him out of the swing as well. “Harmony says Julie told us to get our rears inside. She says Julie said that she and Ryan would get everything, and that if we tried to help, she has a knife. So I think we should go upstairs and find you a bed.”


Alex didn’t wait for a reply, just twined his fingers through Evan and slowly made his way around gifts to the front door. Thank god they were going in; Alex had thought he was going to freeze out there. He might have had a ton of layers on, but he was cold natured after all. It didn’t take much for him to feel like he did just then; like he would never be warm again. Upstairs, upstairs, upstairs. Anything to avoid the piano for the moment. Praise Jesus, Harmony was blocking Caleb’s sight from the piano, and giving Ian-Alexandre a very pointed look, one he avoided. He wasn’t looking forward to having to talk to Caleb as it was; he didn’t need her rushing him. He started to move faster as he neared the stairs, and then practically ran up them exactly like he had before. At least this time he dropped Evan’s hand before he did. He did wait for him at the top, though, so he could grab his hand again. They were at Alex’s bedroom very soon after that, and the second Ian was in his room and the door was closed he started pulling layers off. Who needed layers when they had a bed? The boots went first, and then the coat, and then the hoodie, and then the scarf. He had no idea where his gloves had gone. And if he hadn’t been extremely aware of Evan’s presence in the room, he probably would have stripped of his skinny jeans as well. it was no fun to cuddle under his blankets with pants that were so tight on.


Alex walked over to his bed, and then plopped down, quickly scurrying under the blankets. Oh, nice and warm. It should be, seeing as he had at least four quilts on there. After a few moments, he lifted the ringed hand out from under the covers, and patted the bed right next to him, shooting Evan a smile. “You’re staying in here tonight, right?”

hestolemyheart_____________________________✖✖

[b i z a r r e briefs]

Evan watched Ian’s face as he talked. He watched the boys facial expression change with every word that he let out of his mouth and especially after he open the small, black leather box. After that moment he just saw Ian go into aw. The boy looked so happy and he was smiling and boy was that smile a pretty one. Evan of course knew that Ian wasn’t one to like gifts. He had explained this very clearly in his letters by saying how inadequate he felt when he had nothing to give in return. But this never stopped Evan. He loved to spoil people. It was just the way he was, and there was no way to stop it. He had been told by so many people how absolutely wild he went when it came to gift giving; especially to the people he loved. The truth of it was he loved doing things for other people, and making the crazy memories he would look back on, and smile at. He liked to think that one day they would look back at the gift and they would remember the day they got that and who gave it to them. And how extravagant, and well thought out it had been, because if he thought of it that way he could justify spending money on people. Not that he couldn’t find another reason. But when he couldn’t that was the one he always had behind him. It was the one that could always change his mind.


He knew Alex didn’t like getting extravagant gifts but one person he knew who absolutely loved them was Belphoebe; Or Phoebe for short. Phoebe was Evan’s best friend since they were little. They did everything together. They had laughed, they had cried, and she knew every secret he had. She was so close to him, practically in his head all of the time. She knew exactly what to say to him, and she was so confident and crazy. But even though she likes the gifts she’s so modest about them. She always looks like a child on Christmas. And she never gives you the thought that she thinks it was her birth right to get presents like the type Evan gave. She was always surprised and grateful. She was the absolute queen of the thank you notes. She had been doing them since she was five, but back then all she did was write her name. Now most times she made the cards and wrote a heartfelt letter. She was very good, and this usually got her more presents such as money or kitchen things. Other than being amazingly talented at organization, and thank-you notes she was the queen of the kitchen. Everyone knew it. That’s why at age nine she got private lessons after she showed talent. And now eight years later, she was amazing in his eyes.


But then again so was Ian. In Evan’s eyes Ian-Alexandre was so amazing and when he saw the boys face light up at the ring he couldn’t help but smile. Anything that made his man smile made him smile. (And to think that he had made the boy smile so many times.) He loved the boys blush and smile. He wanted to see them every day because he could live off of them. But he might need some food and water. He wasn’t like the dragon warrior in kung fu panda. Who was said to go for months without eating, surviving on the dew of a single ginko leaf and the energy of the universe. That was something he would need. Food and water were definite. He would definitely need both. But with Ian-Alexandre by his side he could make sure that life was a pretty happy one. He watched as Ian stared at the ring before taking it out of the box. He watched as he delicately took it out and slowly started at it, watching as Ian’s smile grew a bit bigger. He must have seen the inscription! That had to be it. Because he loved it just as much as he knew Alex did if not more. He always found so much happiness in those words and as Ian processed everything he opened his box; his small and tiny box. This box had his ring in it and it was exactly the same but with a different quote. He didn’t go into the shock when he opened it like Ian did because he was more focused on the boy.


As he looked at Ian-Alexandre he saw the memories flash by in his head, from the first moment he sent his letter back to walking into the jewelry store. He could remember those days so clearly. Every day of his life that remotely involved Ian became the days that he could remember all of the little details. Like how when he walked in the jewelry store it was the four days before Halloween. It had been raining, and people were getting their costumes ready and the last word out on their parties. But for some reason Evan wasn’t interested in any of it. So he had wanted to get out of the house to just walk. Just to walk and to think. He had never meant to walk ten blocks but his feet just guided him to where he knew he wanted to go. He didn’t even really know what he wanted but stepping into the jewelry store totally, partially dry from him umbrella. Then he had just stood there before his brain registered where he was. He remembered that clearly, but when he had started looking it became a blur. He had looked at so many rings, he must have looked for hours. But when he had seen the ring that was shining in Alex’s hands he knew it was the one. It was a classic and simple. And once he had decided to put an inscription he knew it would be perfect. And now Ian was holding it. He looked so beautiful, but then again he always did. He had given the boy the boy the ring. It was all out there. He wasn’t hiding anything. And he was so sure he loved the boy.

Before he came he knew he was in love with Alex, and he wanted to hear it back so badly; Alex had said it back, and he knew it was true. And now he had wanted to hear him say yes that he would wear it, and he had. What more could he want now. And even though Alex wasn’t looking at him, he didn’t mind because he was looking at the ring that was now on his finger. He had it on! This made Evan feel like he needed to slide his ring on. But before he could Ian-Alexandre told him that he loved him. It seemed like every time the happened his heart jumped. He couldn’t get over that the boy loved him; that the boy really, truly loved him. So he smiled, because that was all he could do when Alex was talking. He couldn’t exactly kiss him while he was talking though he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t mind. And as this urge was arisen, Ian-Alexandre asked him a question. Of course he would wear his, and this made him smile like a lovesick fool. But right after Ian closed his mouth, when Evan had decided to kiss him, before they both heard the door open. This of course, foiled Evan’s plan. Until he saw it was Harmony. He could deal if it was Harmony. She probably had something important to say. The thing was she didn’t say anything she just stood there with her eyebrow arch. Then he felt Ian squirm. What was happening?


But as he watched the boy squirm it gave him time to secretly slip his ring onto his finger before rewrapping his arms around the boy. He was so tiny! He absolutely loved it. Anyways, no one was talking. Weird. Was it one of those silent treatment things? Or was it one of those silent conversations so that he wouldn’t be able to hear or tell what they were saying. Well at the moment it looked like she was asking a question with her eye brow arched and all. It couldn’t be towards the presents. The Ring! She had been spying and now she wanted to know. Typical girl. Not that was a bad thing they were just so nosy. Especially when it came to best friends their relationships. Phoebe was proof of that was now Harmony was to. But He could tell when her expression had changed to a pout that he had said no and Evan could figure out why. It would be weird and awkward to explain everything that had went down. With the ring, and the kissing, and the ‘I love you’. It was a whole lot to spill in secret language and it would definitely be done better in person. And as quickly as Harmony had come, Harmony left. But it seemed like not without the last word because her hand was stuck outside the door moving so quickly that he couldn’t really catch anything. Moving fingers and stuff. Damn. What the hell.


So that was over. But was Ian going to tell him anything now. Or was he going to avoid it. But then he turned his head. So he was going to explain, or just kiss t out of him. Both would work not that he would admit that. But it was a good secret weapon to have. If Ian kissed him he would automatically forget everything. That’s just the way it went. He wasn’t able to think when someone kissed him. His mind went blank, his heart would pound. The whole deal. Only Ian had ever made that happen. With girls it was just lips moving together. And with boys it was mostly lust. But with Ian it was always so perfect and special. He could always make him smile, and now he was going to explain which was really, all he wanted right now. But then there was a ruffle of the curtains. It was Harmony again. Her tiny hand was in front of the curtain and Evan was so tempted to bury his head in the crease of Ian’s neck so that his brain didn’t hurt but he decided against it. He would just watch and see if he could get anything but the moment that Harmony started he was just as confused as before it not more because it just kept going. He had no clue what they were doing he was confused and he absolutely hated being out of the loop. And then he saw Harmonies face and he watched as Alex signed back. Damn. He really didn’t like it, and the look of displeasure was hidden in his face, but there wasn’t anything he could do to stop them. They would just keep going as usual. But after Ian signed back it was over and he watched as the curtains moved and Harmony disappeared once more.


Maybe now it was over. He wasn’t exactly sure but they seemed to have taken a break since Harmony had huffed off. But once Harmony left Ian moved his head onto his shoulder and cuddled up closer to him which was just what he needed to forget what had just happened. Gosh, why was he so good at taking his mind off of things and making him only think of Ian. He probably didn’t even know that he had these powers but he did. And for some reason he really liked that fact because it was so much easier to be happy when Alex did that, because he pushed everything else away and just looking at the boy made his heart jump. So even if he could never understand he and Harmony he would be totally fine. But sooner than he thought he heard Ian-Alexandre start talking. Ooo. It was definitely nice to hear the boys voice. He loved it. Which was probably why he liked to hear him talk than to do things with his hand. Evan listened intently before the boy leaned up and kissed his jaw which sent shivers around and he had to refocus before listening to what else Ian had to say. He had such a pretty voice. But then part of all of it stuck out. But it was from before the kiss. “I’ll explain later, once I’ve fixed everything.” What did he have to fix? Everything had been going fine, and now he wouldn’t even tell him but then it popped up in his mind. And he couldn’t believe how perfectly it fit. Caleb. He had hurt Caleb. Because he had what he wanted, Ian. He was the one who had the guts to ask him out and tell him that he loved him. He had no fears and he had made Ian so happy. And now he had to watch Ian happy because of himself. With the kissing,, the smiles, and the touches that he knew he would never get. He felt so bad. But before he knew it the curtains were moving again.


He looked in the window only to see Harmony again. She moved her had away, doing things that he had no clue if he would ever be able to. Whatever Harmony was trying to say had made him laugh and boy did the boy have a pretty laugh. Then again his opinion might have been biased because he loved every little bit of the boy. He couldn’t find anything that he disliked, or found okay. Because in his eyes he was so much more than that. He was amazing and selfless, and a worry worst who was to modest, and someone who always deserved gifts, and he was so beautiful. Thought often swirled around in his head about the boy. He was hard to get out of your brain. Mostly because he was so addictive and it didn’t help that he was in Love with the boy. So when he heard the boy and sigh, he let out a whiny noise, telling the other boy he hadn’t wanted to get up. Then continued to tell him what Harmony had said. Why couldn’t he help? It would be so much better, and he wouldn’t feel so useless but he forced himself to nod at the boy. He didn’t like not doing the work. He had brought everything up onto the porch why not bring everything in. He had thought that he was going to do that to. But before he knew it he was walking with the boy hand in hand towards the front door. And to think that only this morning he had never met the boy. That this whole thing was entirely so new, and that they had only been together a few hours, if not less. But the time he had spent with the boy had been so wonderful and he still had time. So much time. But he wasn’t sure if he wanted to leave. He wanted to stay and for it to be like this.


They walked through the front door closing it behind him. Walking towards the stairs, but as they passed what Evan saw was the piano he felt Ian speed up and practically run up the stairs. Why was he moving so quickly? But he saw a moment after, because right as he stepped onto the stairs he saw Harmony move. Caleb. And then the unexpected happened. He looked the boy in the eyes, and he saw so much anger, hurt, and sadness. His eyes looked watery like he could be crying and within seconds they broke their eye contact and he hurried up the large staircase only to see Ian waiting for him at the top. So he was avoiding Caleb. But why. He had acted like the boy had the plague, or some hideous disease that he really didn’t want to catch. But Why? He wouldn’t ask for now because he would tell how uncomfortable he was with the subject. He would guess that anyone else in the same position would have been. His ex boyfriend was crying, and he was with his new one who he as clearly in love with. That would be hard. Because you wanted to have both in your life. One of them had wanted you as more than a friend but you ended scaring him off while the other was so In love with you and you were so in love with him. That’s what Ian was having trouble with so when he reached the top of the stairs he took the boys had and gave it a quick gentle squeeze. He wanted to let the boy knew that he was there. That he would always be there, and that he would always try understand. Could Ian-Alexandre even tell that from a quick squeeze, one day he would if not today. At least that’s what he hoped.


They reached Ian’s room within seconds and he felt himself and Ian let go of each other’s hands, letting Ian close the door. Evan walked farther in and he looked at Ian who had started taking his layers off. The boots went first, then the big puffy jacket. Now he would get to actually hold the boy and feel his tiny body without the fluff of the jacket. Not that the jacket made Ian look fat in any way. He still looked totally tiny just puffy. He just stared at the boy as he took of the layers which must have been so awkward. He didn’t much like people staring at him when he was changing so he could guess that Ian-Alexandre didn’t much love it. But he just couldn’t take his eyes off the boy. He was so cute, skinny, he had great hair, and a great little butt. Damn. He really needed to learn how to control himself. But wasn’t he allowed to look, he was his boyfriend. That gave him staring rights for sure. So he would stare all he wanted because he wasn’t going to stop Ian from staring at him. He knew it might have been wrong, and perceived as a littler perverted, but that was debatable, especially since it was only the two of them. As Ian pulled off articles of clothing he decided it wouldn’t be the worst thing if he took of his shoes so he leaned down on the floor and started unlacing his high tops.


His high tops were soaked with the water from the snow. And he was lucky his feet weren’t numb. But then again wearing two pairs of thick socks had come in handy. So he untied them slowly, trying to focus on taking his shoes off but always finding that his mind went back to Ian-Alexandre. And this would cause him to move his head to just stare and then he would tell himself to focus and that’s how it went. Over and over again until both his shoes had become completely unlaced which had never been his objective in the first place. So he just ended up slipping them off his feet happy that he had brought extra shoes. Because if he had only had dress shoes he would have had to walk around in socks or someone else’s germy shoes. Not that he would tell them that he would just wear them. He noticed how slowly he was going when by the time Ian was done he was just pulling his feet out of his shoes. Before watching Ian run to bed in his skinny jeans, and a tight t-shirt. Mmm.. that was hot. But instead of letting his mind go again he stood back up wondering where to go not that he had taken off his wet socks and shoes leaving him. Then again he was inside so he might want to ditch the jacket.


As he took off his jacket he saw Ian squirming under the quilts to get warm. He took his jacket of his long gangly limbs, and folded it in his arms placing it on the ground next to the rest of his stuff. As he placed it on the ground he heard Ian pat the bed next to him and ask a question. But just looking at the bed he could tell he would get warm with his long sleeve shirt on. Thankfully he had put on a wife beater underneath so he could take his shirt off and not be half naked. Not that he thought Ian would mind it but he would rather not scare the boy off so soon. So as quickly as he could manage he stared unbuttoning his shirt. It came undone quickly to his pleasure. So within thirty seconds his shirt was off his body and he was folding it in his arms. Then like the good little boy he was he placed it on top of his wet, cold jacket. He would be changing clothes hopefully. But before he decided to jump into the boy he just turned towards where Alex was laying and stood there for a few seconds. But maybe to Alex it felt like forever. Because if anyone looked at him right now they would see something totally different that what Ian say at the front door, and it wasn’t because he had ditched the jacket and shirt, but that might have helped. If you looked the boy again you’d see that he was totally shoeless, but that wouldn’t really matter until you saw his pants. His pants would be considered red skinny acid wash jean. But the thing was that they were tight. And not in any way loose. You could see every part of his legs. They were practically thick leggings. And it wasn’t like they hit his waist. They were low on his hips, so you could see his tattoo peeking up along with a bit of his briefs. And it wasn’t helpful that they were neon blue. But then you got to the wife beater and you realized it was way too small. Because it hugged every part of his body. But those seconds soon ended, as Evan started moving.


Evan moved towards the bed. His feet taking the few steps it required to reach the bed. It wasn’t a large space but it seemed like forever in his mind. Just seeing Ian laying there under all the blankets his hand out, the ring glimmering, it was such a site. He was so beautiful why couldn’t he realized it. He looked so peaceful and happy. And maybe he was the cause of it. Maybe he had caused all the smiles, and the happiness, and the blushing. Just maybe. He couldn’t be though, well maybe. Okay, so he had been the reason for all of that. And this made his smile like crazy. He walked next to the bed and lifted up the covers sliding underneath then letting go after he was under the quilts feeling their weight. It was surprisingly comfortable though; the whole bed, and the pillows and with Ian. Evan couldn’t help but get the hand with his own ring and place it on top of Ian’s. Gosh. He loved that boy so, so, much. “Of course, love. Where else would I sleep.” He said softly, squeezing the boys hand softly before. He had such soft hands, and his thumb couldn’t help but rubbing the finger underneath it. He moved closer to the boy wrapping his arms around the boys waist. Damn. He was so small. He was a little stick, and oh did Evan love it. It was just so mmm.. He held the boy tightly by the waist letting his own body heat radiate off onto the boy. Ian-Alexandre looked so attractive to him and he couldn’t help but put his lips on him. Kissing along his jawbone before he kissed the boy and noticed something. They were so close, and he felt so naked. He knew that he wasn’t but he just did. Was Ian okay with this? Because he was fine, and if he knew that Ian was okay with it maybe he’d feel a little better. “You’re sure your okay with this right?” he asked his lips kissing Ian’s lightly. He didn’t really mean the whole thing that happened when he said it, but he meant more of that Evan was laying there next to him, in a wife beater, but he was one to wonder about everything.

[B3N3V0L3NTxF4iiRY___xo]

✖✖____________________________it'sian-alexandre,love

{ we're so crazy in love }______________________

Oh my god. That was the only thought his brain could create just then. Over and over and over again it was repeating itself. Could you blame his thoughts for acting like that? No one could really deny that Evan was absolutely gorgeous, unless they were just really, really weird, and here he’d gone and stripped down. Well, not really, but whatever. Just like no one could deny that Evan was hot and be sane, no one could deny how insanely hot wife beaters were. I mean, come ON. They high light all the best parts. Not many shirts let you see the collarbone, and after all, that is the best part. And when the wife beater was obviously as old as Evan’s was… Needless to say it made Ian-Alexandre stare like an idiot. It was allowed, right? I mean, people could stare at their boyfriends right? Okay, maybe Ian’s staring was a little bit much, seeing as he was sure his eyes had grown to twice their normal size, and he knew his mouth was kind of hanging open. But still. He couldn’t help it. It wasn’t like he got to see the boy he was in love with every day, let alone like that every day. The way the jeans hugged onto every single curve, and the way the briefs and the tattoo poked up out of them. God. How could he not stare? It kind of made him wish he had worked harder to look good before Evan showed up, even if he hadn’t been aware he was coming. He felt a little bit inadequate. I mean, ew. He hadn’t even straightened his hair, and he could tell it was attempting to be wavy, like always. And he knew that he probably looked like a squinty idiot, because he hadn’t put his contacts in.


That was really dumb of him, considering he was practically blind without his glasses or his contacts, but he had been too lazy when he’d woke up. The contacts hurt after a while, and the glasses weren’t the right prescription, which meant they gave him a worse headache then going without them did. The only problem with going without them, besides the headaches, was the fact that anything more than five or six feet away became a huge blur. Then the further away it was, the blurrier it was. So, needless to say, his vision wasn’t exactly the greatest just then. But, hell, he didn’t need glasses to know that Evan looked completely stunning. Maybe he should get them, though, just to make him even clearer. By the time that thought had crossed through his extremely muddled mind, Evan was walking towards the bed. And, damn, if he’d thought that the blurry Evan looked stunning, he couldn’t have been prepared for he got once Evan was actually within his range of perfect sight. That time he probably did over-react a little with the staring, and he could only hope Evan didn’t notice. The second he could see Evan clearly he felt a tiny gasp escape, and he immediately started regretting not getting ready earlier that day.


Thank god he wasn’t given much time to think about that before Evan was lying next to him. Ian’s heart immediately sputtered even harder than it had been the second their hands touched, and then he had to go and talk. Ian-Alexandre had tried to imagine Evan’s voice so, so many times, and it made him want to laugh to realize how off he had been. But what he got was so, so much better. His voice was so gorgeous, and after so many years of trying to picture what it sounded like while he read the letters, to actually hear it and know what it was like was amazing. it made him so happy to think that he would be able to reread the letters soon and actually hear Evan’s voice while he read them. It was insane how happy that made him; happier than it should have. Then again, everything about Evan made him happy. He was constantly noticing little things that the pictures couldn’t capture. His voice, how gorgeous his hands were, the fact that his hair was so soft. Little things like that made him want to smile like a mad man. And, hell, he did smile like a mad man. He knew that the smile he had on then had barely been off his face for five minutes since Evan showed up. It was like it was permanently glued onto his face.


Now, to focus on the words and not Evan’s voice. Ian felt his smile grow even more when he comprehended what Evan said. He was going to sleep in there. And he called Ian “love” again. Even though he’d called Ian that before, twice to be exact, he couldn’t help but feel like he would melt into a puddle of goo. Love. Evan loved him, and now he was even calling him love. He felt like such a lovesick school girl at how giddy that made him. It wasn’t right. No one should be blessed with as much power over a person as Evan had over him. But Ian wouldn’t have it any other way. Evan he could trust. Evan had unknowingly held Alex heart for a very, very long time, and he had yet to harm it. So now that he knew he held it, he would be trying not to, which just had it in even safer hands, if that made sense. Alex had actually had a very, very weird dream about that right after he and Caleb had broke up.


It started out in the hallway outside of his hospital room, though it was unusually quiet and movement free. Usually there were nurses running around doing their checks, or doctors going to their next patient. And if you came at the right time, there would be nurses hauling food around. Friends and family of the people in the ward were walking as quickly as they could without running, trying to get away from the sounds of some of the crazier patients, or some of the patients who were more in pain, be it emotional or physical. Alex would admit he had probably been one of the ones doing the scaring during his first few days there, when the stab wounds had hurt the worst. He still had the occasional ghost pain deep in his chest, but those were rare. Anyway, it started in that hallway, and it was strangely quiet. Kind of unnerving if you were used to the hustle and bustle that was usually the hospital. Alex was at one end of the hallway, and way down at the other, Caleb was standing there. If you looked very, very closely, you could even see he was holding something. That something was just a little piece of stained glass, red, and shaped like a heart. And if you looked even closer, you would realize it said Ian-Alexandre on it. Then there would be a replay of the breakdown that had scared Caleb off, played on the wall, like there was a projector. The second the short film stopped, Caleb’s face turned white, and then he dropped the heart. All Alex could do was stand at the other end of the hallway and watch as it fell, waiting for the shatter he knew would come. But always, right before the shattering sound of breaking glass, a hand would reach from around the corner and catch the heart. Caleb would stagger off the second the hand was there, and then the hand would turn into an arm, and then a shoulder, and then a body. And always, right before he’d wake up, he’d recognize Evan’s face. And that was a dream he had had plenty of times.


Ian was pulled out of his thoughts when he felt Evan’s arms wrap around his waist. A tiny smile covered his face, and he moved his hands to rest on the front of Evan’s chest. He would have just wrapped his arms back around Evan’s neck, but he had to admit, this was much more fun. Sure, he couldn’t exactly pull himself closer to Evan like this, but it was still better. It was easier than trying to get his arms around his neck, since that wasn’t exactly easy and/or comfortable when laying down. And besides, this was more contact that around the neck. After all, that wife beater was old… Ian felt a tiny, happy sigh escape, and he scooted a little bit closer to Evan, just as he felt the lips on his jaw bone. Well, that hadn’t been expected. But he sure as hell loved it. With every little kiss a new shiver ran down his spine, and then, finally, the other’s boy’s lips reached his. There. Now that was better. That was less scary, less threatening, almost. Damn his brain for being so ******** up. He wished he could go a few minutes without something making him jumpy or nervous. Oh well, he knew Evan would never do anything to hurt him, at least, he acted like he would never do anything to hurt Alex.


And his next words just proved that fact. Here he was being so considerate, to the point of asking to make sure he wasn’t pushing things to far, when he could have very easily said nothing and just assumed Ian-Alexandre was fine. Of course, Ian was a little bit confused at first, considering that Evan had kissed him right after he asked the question. Did he think that Alex had brought him up there to sleep with him? Because, god no, that wasn’t happening. He didn’t want a relapse. He didn’t want to go into a fit around Evan. That would scare him off just like it had Caleb, and he wouldn’t be able to stand that. Especially since he could never remember what happened when he had a relapse. He could remember what triggered it, but that was it. Never anything more. The last thing he needed was for one to happen when Evan was around. That would just be terrible. Even if Evan already knew that they could happen at any little thing that triggered a bad memory, and he would know better than to try to set one off. And he obviously knew that sex would do that. No, sex would probably throw him over the edge completely, and wind up with him back in the hospital. He just wasn’t ready yet. It would probably take a while for him to feel like he could do that without the fear, or without it triggering any memories.


That was where his biggest hope lay. Dr. Richardson had told him plenty of times when he was at the hospital that sometimes your mind would learn that a certain memory was traumatic, and would block it. Ian could only hope that maybe with Evan around, he could be so focused on the good things he had in his life that his brain would finally get the hint and block all of the bad memories. Then maybe the fear would lessen, and he would be able to be everything Evan deserved. He could only hope. Then again, maybe he didn’t need his brain to block the bad memories for the fear to lessen, at least with Evan. Even though there were monumentally less fear with Evan than with anyone else, the fear was still there in the back of his mind. Maybe nervousness was a better word. Because the fear just manifested itself in a different form with Evan. It went from fear of being touched to the fear of being afraid of being touched. He was afraid that at any moment the fear would come screaming back, and he wouldn’t be able to touch Evan anymore. It was insane to him how amazing it was to touch someone. He had been so used to flinching away every time someone tried to touch him that he had almost forgot what it was like. And damn, it was nice. At least it was with Evan.


Now, to answer his question. Was Ian-Alexandre okay with this? He was going to take that in it’s purest form, and assume he meant the fact that he was practically half naked and laying next to him. And yeah, he was fine with that. He actually kind of liked it. It was different; new. Something he could say he had never, ever experienced, and something he could say he would want to experience again. Evan radiated heat, and they fit so perfectly together. Like a hand in a glove. He loved it. “I’m fine. Just don’t move.” He gave Evan a lopsided grin, and then leaned forward enough to give him a quick peck on the lips, followed by a peck on his cheek, before he buried his face in Evan’s chest. It probably wouldn’t make Evan all too happy, but Ian-Alexandre really wanted to warm up. And by god, if he could warm up by cuddling with the boy he was in love with, he would. He slid his hands down to Evan’s waist, and wrapped his arms tightly around it. There, now he was comfortable. It was such a shame that this would have to stop soon. Ian-Alexandre knew Evan would have to leave eventually, and he hated to think about it.


What would happen when Evan left? Ian-Alexandre wasn’t afraid that he would find himself completely lonely once he was gone, because he knew he wouldn’t. Being locked in his bedroom for so long had taught him that being lonely accomplished nothing but making you miserable, and that really, he had no reason to be lonely. As long as you have something that will listen to you, you shouldn’t be lonely. Be that something a stuffed animal, or a kitten, or a plant; as long as it listened you had no reason to be alone. At least, that was what he had forced himself to learn in his room and at the hospital. But that was there, and this was here. Here he’d have Julie and the twins around all the time. And probably Melody and Joshua too, once Harmony was gone. Then there was the ever-present Caleb. So he wasn’t afraid of being lonely. No, he was just afraid that Evan would forget about him. That was probably one of his worst fears, even though he had tons of them. He was terrified that the people he allowed himself to get close to, and they were a select few, would eventually get tired of him and just leave. Or they’d just forget about him when they had to leave. Or they’d end up like his father and his brother and completely shatter what little trust Alex had in them. He knew that every single person in his life could find someone better to be friends with than him, and he would admit that. He knew he shouldn’t be like that, he knew that he had no reason to be thinking like that, but he couldn’t help it.


It did terrify him to think of Evan leaving. Evan might not have been there for very long, but in that short time he had managed to make Ian so, so happy. He had managed to make his day, hell, his month perfect. But with that happiness, Evan was given a huge chunk of control over Ian. He had the power to take away all of his happiness, and he could do it so easily. All it would take was three words, just like that was all it had taken to make Ian the happiest person alive. All Evan would have to do is let Alex know he wasn’t wanted, and it would crush him. And that was why his going back to his house in New York scared Ian so much. After all, Evan had told him about everyone there in the letters, and he knew when it came down to it he had nothing on them. He was positive that when it came down to it that the people Evan knew there were a million times better than Ian was, and that he could do so much better with any one of them than he could with Alex. I mean, come on. Alex had read the letters that talked about Xavier, he knew he wouldn’t stand a chance if it Evan went back to New York and Xavier was there. Evan would completely forget about Ian the second he saw Xavier, and Alex was completely aware of that. At least, that was what he thought. It scared him so much to think about that ever happening, yet he knew it would.


He was willing to admit to himself that Evan deserved better. He knew it, he was sure Evan knew it. It was obvious. Alex would have been willing to bet every single one of his mother’s records that if it ever did come down to Evan choosing between him, and someone from New York, he would lose. And by a landslide. And oh god, that would kill him. Knowing his luck, by the time Evan picked someone else, Caleb would have even moved on, and he really would be left to watch everyone he knew grow old with someone they were in love with while he sat and talked to his plants. Not that he would complain. No one likes a whiner, after all. He could always slip back into the insanity that had been part of the reason they’d had him in the psycho ward, and name a plant Evan and talk to it just like it was actually Evan. If he did manage to slip completely into the tiny sliver of insanity he’d had before, then he would probably even be able to convince himself the plant actually was Evan. And then it would be like he had never left. Because let’s face it, if it came down to Evan having to choose between Ian and someone else, even though he wouldn’t give up without a fight, he would be the one giving up in the end. As long as Evan was happy, he would be fine. Sure, he might go insane and start pretending that a plant was the boy he would love for the rest of his life, but still.


Damn. He shouldn’t be allowing himself to think like that. It might have been his nature to worry over everything, but that didn’t mean he had to depress himself. He just needed to keep positive. Evan said he loved him, and that was all that mattered for then. No matter what might happen in the future, he had Evan then, and that was all he needed. Maybe if he could just cling to that love while he had it, when he was old and lonely it wouldn’t matter so much. He would have at least a couple years full of good memories to over-ride the bad ones. He could think back on the letters, and how they made him feel. Maybe he would even have them when he was old where he could read them and remember. And then he would have the memories of the time Evan was actually there with him, and when he actually loved Ian. Damn it, there he went again, thinking like Evan was going to fall out of love with him eventually. No. He wouldn’t let that happen. What was it his grandma had told him when he was little? “If the love is true, it is not easy to fall out of.” Evan definitely acted like it was real. Hell, Ian knew it was. He was just being a worry-wart like always. He couldn’t help that the damned fears made him question everything, and made him think like that. He just had to force himself to be positive.


Evan was in love with him. Evan had given him a promise ring. Evan was lying next to him, holding him like he would break. Evan had just kissed him. Evan didn’t have to leave until after the wedding. Ian had Evan’s address, so if it came down to it he could stalk him. But it wouldn’t come to that. He knew they were in love. Well, he was positive he was in love with Evan, and since he did trust Evan, he was positive Evan was in love with him. Why else would he bother with the promise rings? Why else would he have said that he loved Ian? He wouldn’t have. He wasn’t like that, and Remi knew it. Evan was too good to lie about something like that. He knew what that would do to Alex if he lied about that. I mean, Evan knew everything about him. He had no secrets from Evan, at all. Unless you counted his fear of Evan getting over him and finding someone else the second he got back to New York as a secret. He just called that a worry. A stupid, unfounded worry that he knew he wouldn’t be getting over. But he could try. And damn it, he would try. The last thing he needed was to be depressed for however long Evan was there with him. While he was there, Ian needed to be giving him his full attention. While he needed to be himself, and not force himself to be happy, he also needed to keep from being depressed. That wasn’t how he wanted Evan to think of him, as depressed. He wasn’t. He was just… scared. Nervous. Whichever one of them fit better in this scenario. But who could blame him, really? He’d had self-confidence issues since that babysitter when he was six, and they had only got worse with his father’s verbal abuse and neglect, and had hit an all time low when his brother had come back and, well, did what he did. But to have these issues, and to be in love with someone so out of his league, and to know that that person so people in New York he had so much more to offer him than Alex ever could… It just made him a little bit worried, that’s all.


Right, happy thoughts.


Ian slowly pulled his head from where it had been buried in Evan’s chest, and just let himself stare up at the boy’s face for a few moments, before he leaned in and kissed him. He kind of felt sorry for Evan, way back in the back of his mind. Alex really had no clue what he was doing when it came to anything physical. Maybe someday he’d be good at it. But until then, Evan would just have to deal with it. “Sorry. I zoned out on you.” He smiled slowly, leaning forward to steal another quick peck. He really hadn’t meant to zone out like that. All he had wanted to do was get warm. He was actually fairly lucky he didn’t fall asleep. While it might have taken a lot to make him fall asleep, he had had everything it took right there. Warmth, blankets, a pillow… that was all it really took. That reminded him… If Evan was going to be sharing his bed for however long he was there -- Ian really needed to ask how long he would be there -- he needed to get rid of the body pillow. After all, all the body pillow was was a stand-in for Evan. I mean, no matter how pathetic it was, Ian had even named it Evan. It wasn’t his fault he was so pathetic. If you’ve ever had a body pillow, you’d understand why he did that. After the first few days with the pillow he discovered that if he laid on it for a good ten minutes, it would start to radiate heat just like a person. And since there was only one person he ever wanted in bed with him… yeah. Pathetic, but oh well.


It took a lot of willpower to twist the tiny little bit it took to grab a hold of the body pillow, and toss it onto the ground. But then it was done, and that gave them more room. While Ian’s hand was towards the ground, though, he felt his knuckles hit the edge of the Evan Box. Ohh, Evan had asked about it earlier, and now that they had told each other everything, it wouldn’t hurt to actually show him. I would be a little bit embarrassing, seeing as the box had been one Dr. Richardson had made him decorate. Needless to say, it looked like a six year old had made it. Alex wasn’t the artist, after all. And he hadn’t really been given much to work with. Some fabric, some buttons, and some glue. He had managed to make it symmetrical, though. The box was made of cedar, and was roughly the size of a macbook, length and width-wise, and about as deep as a dictionary. There was a thin ribbon glued around every edge, a deep blue in color. On the top of the lid he had glued down the same blue ribbon so it said “letters”. That was the kind of embarrassing part. At least he hadn’t put “Evan” on there like he had wanted to.


Ian scooted over to the edge of the bed, and hauled the box up, huffing loudly once it was in his lap. He slowly moved towards Evan, moving the box first and then himself, until he was right back where he started, the box sitting in between them. He crossed his legs Indian style, and then smiled hugely at Evan. “I told you I have an Evan Box. You can look through it if you want.”

hestolemyheart_____________________________✖✖

[b i z a r r e briefs]

Was this supposed to be this way? Was Evan supposed to be nearly as comfortable as he was with Ian in his arms? Was this natural? Was one human, with the same powers in their grasp as him supposed to be able to take all his fears away but instill them all t the same time. Was he really this happy with a Ian, were the smiles real, was his heart pounding only his imagination? These were thoughts running through Evan’s head; thoughts that only seemed to stop when the boy kissed him. Because when the boy let his lips touch Evan’s everything went away, and it was only them. Only their touches, and how they felt, was that even really real? It had to be no other part of him doubted this. Everything told him that their relationship was right. Every part of his body wanted Ian-Alexandre, every part of him mind told him that Ian-Alexandre was the one. The one that he could spend the rest of his life with and grow old with. The one that would always be there for him. Ian-Alexandre was all he had dreamed of if not more. He was beautiful and smart, he had a real life story behind him, and he wasn’t holding anything back from Evan he was totally himself, and nothing else. He wasn’t trying to be someone that he thought Evan would like, he was just being himself, and letting it go where it would take him. And every time this thought ran through Evans mind he couldn’t help but smile, because he was exactly the same way. He wasn’t hiding anything from Ian, he couldn’t. Ian knew about every little bit of his life. This was natural for him. Kissing Ian, holding him, talking to him, and loving him was like the blood running through his arms. It wouldn’t stop until he died not if he had a choice in the matter. Ian was absolutely his everything. He didn’t want a moment without him though he knew it was bound to come sooner than he knew he could handle.


Evan knew that in a few days he would leave this fairy tale and go to New York. Part of him wanted to stay with the boy. That part never wanted to leave Ian’s side, that part was clingy, and couldn’t bear to lose the love of his life for a few weeks. Even if he could call, and write or email he wanted so much more than that. Was it weird to think that he wanted to wake up to Alex’s face every morning? Was it weird that he hated the thought of leaving without Ian with him? But he knew better than that, every par t of his brain did. He couldn’t be so selfish. Ian-Alexandre had just gotten the family he had always wanted. He had parents that cared for him more than anything. He had younger siblings who would look up to him, and act as if he had always been their big brother. He had a best friend who was just as in love with him as he was with Ian. And as he much as he hated the thought of leaving he couldn’t think of taking him away from a family. His family. And no the ******** up family he had to start with, one that loved him and cared for him. They acted as is he had always been family. He could take Alex away from that, plus Dr. Richardson was his doctor and he still wasn’t fully over what had happened to him. Who would be? What happened to him had been absolutely terrifying. And for him to now, years later be kissed, and held and not freak out was absolutely amazing. He was doing so much better, and he had friends, and he had a family. Evan couldn’t just take Ian away from that on a whim and he knew it. He didn’t want to leave the boy, he didn’t know if he’d be able to bear it. As sappy and lovesick as that sounded.


As he wrapped his arms around Ian’s small waist he watched the boy let out a small smile, this smile might have been small on Ian’s face but in Evans mind it was something so big. It meant that he want him there with him. It meant that he was happy and that Evan just might have been the one that caused it. And these thoughts made Evan smile because this was everything he wanted and he was perfectly content with Ian. The small boys hands were in his chest and the feeling was really nice, because the moment they touched he felt a shiver or pleasure and happiness run through him. This was new, of course he had laid in bed with another boy before but this was new. The shivers he touches, the being semi clothed. It was all new to him, and unlike some of the other people that he had done this with no one was pushing each other and trying to make them ‘happy’. This was just them laying together getting used to it. Getting used to the touches, the smiles, the shivers and their kisses. Because neither of them wanted to do anymore, they didn’t want to rush anything. Especially Evan, he would wait as long as Ian wanted before they went farther than kisses, and holding hands. This was because no part of Evan wanted to hurt Ian in any way possible so if it took four or five years he would wait. Because he would know that he had the love of his life by his side and that he would be with him for as long as he could possibly hold the boy by his side that he would be there and that he would let nothing come between them.


His lips pressed gently along the boys jaw line, they were soft and gentile and he loved it. He loved to have his lips on Ian, as he had told the boy Ian was addictive. He was like a drug. He just had to keep having more. Evan didn’t know if he would ever be able to give the boy up. Ian-Alexandre was so sweet and caring and he made the Evan so utterly happy. He put a smile on the Evan’s face just by smiling back at him and holding his hand. Part of him wondered if it was even real. And he had a right to do that. Because never had his life been this much like a fairy tale. It was so amazing and perfect. Every word sounded like it was a script but yet it was oh so original. It was so them and they weren’t acting; this wasn’t a romance novel or a movie. This was their life. It was what they lived and breathed, what they saw and felt. It was their everything. But was that really so bad? Was it so bad to be living in something so delicate and perfect? Something that could so easily be taken away from them. Something that could be frowned upon by so many in society. Why did people think that two boys or even the thought of two girls loving each other was so wrong? They loved each other just as much as any heterosexual couple, and in reality it was harder for them to find their true loves because there was so many less of them, and plus it was so much less likely. He hated how people could be so judgmental. Why couldn’t they just see that they were all just people and merely that. Why did they find labeling people such an amusing pastime? Why was perfection so important to the human race? No one found perfection perfect, because it only scared people of who they were, and made them want to change. Because there was no actual sense of perfection. Because once you thought you had it you would find something wrong.


Evan watched the boy in his arms after he asked his question. He had only been wondering but it took a few seconds for Ian to answer him. He didn’t mind though, over the course of the day he had sort of gotten used to the late answers. Ian’s answered made him smile so crazily it was insane. One word could make the boy smile, especially if it was from Ian’s mouth. Just his voice sent shivers down Evan’s spine. And no, it wasn’t because he tried to be all sexy around Evan, Evan just found the boys voice attractive in general. And to think how wrong he had been when he imagined the boys voice, it was so smooth, and you were able to sense the worry by just listening to it. Ah. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to enjoy the boys voice this much but he did. He loved the way it sounded and when his voice finally reached his ears he felt relief flood through him. He could tell that Ian was sure, and he couldn’t help but smile, but why couldn’t he move? That was the real question. Before his mind even had time to process the question the boys lips touched his and mind left him. Damn. Ian was very, very good. He knew exactly how to make the boy stop thinking, and then he went and pressed his lips onto the boys check and it was like an electric shock. He wanted another kiss, that’s exactly what he wanted. He wanted a few more kisses actually. He wanted to kiss the boy senseless, but before he even go the chance the boy buried himself in Evan’s chest. This wasn’t bad though. Because he could feel Ian pressed against him trying to warm his body up. He was warm already but this just made it perfect. Ian had slid his hands around his waist and held him tight against each other. It wasn’t lustful, it wasn’t passionate really. It was more comfortable, nice to put it easily. He knew that one day it would be the two words it was not but today this was what he wanted. This was perfect and he couldn’t help but lean his head on the boy a bit, letting his mind just hold him there.


With his head on Ian’s he was able to just have some quiet time to think. He wasn’t thinking about leaving, he had time before he had to leave. If he started to think about it now he wouldn’t be able to fully enjoy time he had here so he would put it off. It wasn’t that big of a deal anyways. But in reality he knew it was. There was no way he wanted to leave Ian. Not by choice. He didn’t want to leave Ian-Alexandre. Who would want to leave the love of their life? And that was Ian for him. He wanted nothing else than to be by the boys side for the rest of his long life. He wanted to wake up to the boy beside him every day. He wanted to grow old with Ian, and plant plants with the boy. He wanted to adopt. He wanted everything. He wanted so, so, much. He couldn’t tell Ian though. Because these thoughts he was having might just scare the boy away and he couldn’t do that. In the back of his mind he would never find someone that made him so happy. He knew that he would never find someone like Ian. Because even if he did he would still compare them and find so many flaws in them. So he wouldn’t let the boy go, well if he had to then he would but for the time being there was no way in hell someone was taking him away. He would fight so hard to keep that boy in the picture.


As Evan laid there with Ian against his chest he couldn’t help but think about how his self phone was. Even though he knew for a fact that it was turned off and in his back pocket of his pants but it had been turned off for a long time. He had had it turned off since last night, and oh how his clingy friends were handling it. They all knew he was going to the wedding, or somewhere at least, he hadn’t exactly hidden that from them. How could he. Oh he disappears for almost a week and doesn’t say anything. They would have a field day. They would first start out calling him, and once they got his voicemail a few times they would text him, and then they would wait a few hours. After they had given him a reasonable amount of time they would repeat what they had just done. Then they would wait and call his parents. But not before they had texted the ******** out of his phone last time he had gone to lunch and maybe It had been awhile but t was back when he and Greg had been doing things, so it was lunch and then do things that were unspeakably inappropriate at Greg’s suite. Greg was a total badass and his dad wasn’t all that thrilled to have him living at home, so for a while they tried boarding school but he managed to get kicked out of the five they tried. So they sent him to Evan’s school and moved him into one of their hotels. This was good for what He did. What Greg did that is.


If you asked anyone what Greg was a list of words would come out of their mouths? Passionate, Lustful, Hot, Sexy, Great in Bed, Slut, Party animal. He had even heard ‘He gives great head’ once. But that was just the least of them. And they were all right because that’s exactly what Greg was. He was passionate in something’s, he was passionate in bed, and he was just as passionate as he was playing the piano though he would never admit that to anyone. Being a concert pianist wasn’t really a turn on. It definitely wouldn’t get you all the men, and women, so he stuck the bad boy wrap. Something that could turn anyone hot. Even Evan at first. Greg had been the one with the eyes for Evan and had asked him out. Who could resist that charm? The tight pants the bike and the leather jacket, it gave you a thrill so of course Evan said yes. He didn’t know it would be dinner and a two hour make out session. Once he was in it though he didn’t mind a bit. The hot touch the lips, was something totally different from Blair. Kissing Blair had been like kissing a brick wall. He felt absolutely nothing, but he had kissed another girl before that so at the time he didn’t think there was any other way it could be. He thought that was how it was supposed to be. He thought that kissing someone and have sex was suppose to feel so much like obligation. And for a while he believed it. But after she died and Greg came alone he knew all too well. He knew it was supposed to feel like fire and electricity. He knew that every touch no matter how small was supposed to do things to him. He knew that now but back then he was totally clueless.


Ian would soon learn a habit that Evan had since he was a child. That if there was no talking and nothing to really focus on and if Evan was either leaning on you or you on him he would doze off and go into his own fantasy world. He would just block it out and head off to dream land where he knew that he could sleep for a while. Most time he did this he meant to. Because most time he was so bored that falling asleep was his only good alternative. At this moment though he didn’t mean to. But he was tired, getting up early in the morning did that to him especially doing all his last minute arrangements with his friends and family. He had been up till three, and then got up at seven to get head to the terminal. An d even though he had gotten his favorite breakfast on the flight he didn’t do so well on four hours of sleep. But he was excited so it had pushed the sleepiness back. Now he was just laying with Ian-Alexandre in bed enjoying pure warmth and he dozed off. He didn’t mean it as an insult he was just sleepy, and it was warm and comfortable, and he was happy. This all lead his brain to believe that falling asleep was totally fine that. Of course he didn’t even much notice thought he had thought of if as he felt the thought of sleep enter his mind. He had pushed that away but not long enough for it to grasp him in and pull him into that rode to sleep, and such a nice road it was. Filled with hopes and dreams, and his favorite toy as a child. It was filled with great memories and some that just pure scared him. He try to avoid crashing into those though and he had gotten better, but more than once he had been trapped in his own creepy horror video that he couldn’t get out of. The dreams like that made him want to scream. They made him want to rip his hair out, and cry all at the same time not that he ever let himself.


As he heard Ian’s voice in the back of his head he stirred. His eyes feeling semi heavy his brain still a little cloudy. He was always like this when he was tired though Ian had yet to figure that out. He was still sleepy and to focus enough to hear what Ian-Alexandre was saying took a lot of effort on his part. He had to stop just listening to the general sound of the boys voice to actually catch the words which didn’t please him much but he didn’t mind enough to make noise about it, s he just tried to use his brain and focus. FOCUS. As soon as he let that word ring through his sleepy mind he was able to figure out the last part of what he was saying. So he had zoned out on Evan, well Evan had fallen asleep so there was nothing to be sorry for since Evan could pretty much assume there was an apology in that sentence because Ian was always saying sorry. He held on to the boy and tried to wake up. This was hard because he could have just as easily fallen asleep. But the kiss on his lips helped even if it only was a peck it made him for just a few seconds give him something to focus on. That kiss. Every kiss with Ian was special but he had personally liked his sleepy one quite a bit. It would be nice to wake up to one of those. It was just enough to wake him up, but not enough to make him want to start his day. Enough that he just wanted to wake up so that he could kiss the boy and just being able to do that would be nice. It would even just be nice to wake up with the boy in his arms, or awake in his arms. It didn’t matter. He was quite happy.


He was happy up until he felt Ian move and then he let out a soft whine. Of course he probably shouldn’t have he couldn’t help it. It was out of his mouth before he could even tell he had done it, but he knew that Alex sure heard it. He knew that Alex probably knew exactly why he had let that noise out. Was it bad that he was perfectly fine with the boy laying in his arm still. Or was he supposed to be use to them moving. Even if he wasn’t he wasn’t going to act pleased with it. He wanted Ian against him for a good long time, or until they made him get up not because he wanted to not hat he would actually complain with words if that was how Ian-Alexandre felt. He still didn’t like the idea of this whole moving thing. It was not in Evans favor at all he could have done without it but he couldn’t stop it now because before he knew it Ian was picking up a long pillow and tossing it out of the bed giving them loads more room than before. But this didn’t cause any movement in Evan. He didn’t want to he was comfortable and it seemed it was the same with Ian. They always seemed to be content together, which was something Evan sure liked. He liked that he would just hold onto the boy or just kiss the boy over and over again and together they would be fine with just that. So in his mind he felt no need for movement because they were content with where they were. They were happy just laying there together. Or so Evan thought, but mostly assumed. But he had assumed for a good reason, Ian had actually seemed to like this wasn’t that enough reason to assume.


Within seconds Evan knew he was wrong because Ian was moving again. He was squirming out of the boys arms and Evan wanted no part in it. He had no intention of letting Ian move, but there was no way he was going to force the boy to stay there so he loosened up his arms. And before he could think another word something just as whiny as before if not more came out of his mouth, “aleeeexx,” he said his brain not even registering what he was doing until it was over. As he had said it he held onto the e letting the whine flood the boy’s name. He hadn’t screamed it or yelled it he had just said it barely louder than the gentle, soft voice he had used before. This voice was louder but not much and the whine in his voice was much more apparent. He knew he shouldn’t be whining but he couldn’t help himself. He was one who had a tendency to whine when he didn’t get what he wanted or when something changed that he didn’t like or even when his mom embarrassed him. He hadn’t been told his whine was annoying though. Greg thought it was sexy as hell and it usually got him whatever he had wanted. Xavier thought it was a little girly and cute, and would sometimes tease him about it. His mom was one who had gotten used to it and didn’t mind it but it usually got him a good ‘shut up Evan, and quit that whining’ His father was one who was lucky enough to avoid it because Evan knew better. But to say anything whining was sure a part of him.


He felt Ian-Alexandre pull away from his arms lean over. This made Evan wonder. What was Ian getting, it made him excited and for the few seconds that the excitement lasted it was absolutely lovely. So he waited, and he scooted over, watching as soon as Ian popped back up again pulling out a box, his voice running as he examined the box. So this was Ian’s Evan box. Well when Ian came to new York he would have to show him his Ian-Alexandre box. But as he looked at Ian’s box he realized how utterly plain his was. Ian’s was made from wood from what he could see, and a relatively good size but it was covered. There was thing ribbon glued around every edge, a deep blue in color. Evan loved this color because personally any blue made his day. That was his favorite color. He loved blue and his heart almost jumped out of his mouth when he saw it said letters across the front, So this really was his box. He had his own box in Ian’s life. That was pretty major especially because it wasn’t like it was a break up box that had things he was going to give back to the boy. It as all stuff he wanted to keep and he was so curious of what was inside, but what he really wanted to do was to kiss the boy senseless for showing him. So that’s exactly what he did. He took his hands and picked up the box feeling the weight of all the letters inside. It felt nice to know that all this weight was just about him, but he wasn’t very patient when it came to kissing the boy. So he moved the box to his side and sat up scooting so the he was still a little taller than the boy before cupping his face and just kissing him. Over and over again. He had no clue how many times his lips touched the boys because he couldn’t seem to get them off of the boys lips. He built the kisses up and brought them. Down. Minutes passing like wild fire before bringing it to a close and giving a him a final peck, and then kissing his cheek, his cheeks lightly blushed.


“thank you for showing me this, I’m really happy you decided to,” Evan said softly leaning into the boys ear as he moved the box into his lap and slowly opened the box. From there on he had the most permanent lovesick smile on his face. There’s where all the letter he had ever sent the boy. They were all there and he could see the age on the pages that were once whit that were now turning a light shade of yellow. But he could point out all of the white ones and his recent stationary. He couldn’t stop smiling this was amazing. And he needed to saw it out loud because for once he didn’t feel like this could be real. He felt like this really was all a dream. Especially because of the letter that was on top. This was the first letter he had ever sent the boy after Ian had sent the starter. That had been so long ago, and to think of how scared he was of everything that was happening. He was so scared and he could tell by how the writing was, but He had started off with easy things, questions to be exact. So they could do things like find what they had in common with each other and what they could talk about comfortably. He moved it over and saw that the next one was when he told Ian about his mom. Oh, that was such a sad letter for him, but Ian had saved them all. He had put all of there memories from their letters in a box. “ This is so amazing Ian-Alexandre, you have no idea how happy this makes me,” he said turning to the boy and looking him straight in the face kissing the boys cheek before looking back down at the letters picking one up at random, and he just started reading it. Leaning against Ian as a stabilizer.

[B3N3V0L3NTxF4iiRY___xo]

✖✖______________________it'sian-alexandre,love

{ we're so crazy in love }_________________________

When he was little, Ian-Alexandre’s dad would tell him a story on occasion when he was trying to get to sleep, usually on the nights his son’s emotions were the most out of whack. Ian’s father could tell just from how the little boy acted when the bullies had been bad, or when he’d had an episode, or when he was the most scared. During the time Ian had been locked in his room he would always remember that and be happy, because that meant that even though his father was drunk most of the time, he at least cared a little bit. But on those days, his father would tell him a story he claimed his mom had told him. The story was about Ian-Alexandre’s great-great-grandparents, and how they fell in love. According to the story, his great-great grandfather had been a simple baker in London, while his great-great-grandmother had been of a higher class. Alex’s father could never remember the father’s title correctly. He would always grumble when he got to that part of the story, to hide that he didn’t know. He would always trudge on, though, and weave this beautiful picture in Alex’s head of the young Brandon Hauk sneaking into the younger Angela Gallagher’s coming-out party, and how he had spun a web of lies claiming he was an Earl. (How his father could remember that and not his great-great-grandmother’s title, Ian could never figure out.) Young Brandon danced nearly every dance with the debutante, despite the fact that every eligible man 18-80 who could attend was there, and somehow managed to convince her he would come back and marry her.


Needless to say, that never happened. Her father found out that the man who had made his daughter as lovesick as she could be had not only lied about his rank in society, but had promised his daughter a marriage her heart was set on. Her father was adamant that this wedding would not happen. He didn’t care that Angela didn’t care that Brandon was a mere baker, he was determined this marriage would not happen. He went so far as to prepare an engagement between her and a much older Marquis. That was it. Angela, being headstrong and independent, snuck out of her house with merely two dresses and enough food to last her a week, stole her father’s horse, and rode to London. She had no idea where the Brandon she had fallen for lived, and she had not been given his real last name. Lady luck was on their side, however. Somehow she managed to stumble across Brandon, (Ian’s father could never remember how, always saying something about an evil landlord and a washtub, and Ian could never figure out what exactly happened at that part of the story) and convince him to come with her. Since Brandon was infatuated with the pretty blonde, and since he’d been planning on leaving England anyway, they eloped and moved to Scotland. Several years and several baby Hauks later, they moved back to London, and voila. Ian’s father would always stop there, and end with the same line. “I don’t know why I’m bothering to tell you this story, I don’t remember most of it anyway.”


That was exactly what floated through Ian’s mind. He had no clue why, except that that story had calmed his fears enough to lull him to sleep when he was small, and maybe he hoped it would calm his fears about Evan’s leaving. And it did. it was partially the reason he had thought to dig for his Evan box. That box was definitely his prize possession. It might have been gaudy and childlike on the outside, but inside it held everything he loved most. Those letters were the only connection he’d had to someone thousands of miles away, some he loved, for so long. They were the things that had brought him out of complete and total fear of everything. Those letters were the reason he was happy now. And most importantly, those letters had brought him his Evan. He didn’t care that most of the world frowned on how much he was in love with Evan. That was something that would never change. Evan was his, and that was that. Even if someone came and took his Evan from him, there was no way that would make the tall boy any less Alex’s.


The whining he got when he moved had been the last thing Ian-Alexandre was expecting, but he loved it all the same. Really, that whine was the last thing he had expected. Sure, he had hoped for some complaining just to make sure that Evan had loved the cuddling as much as he did, but the whining was a million and seven times better. He couldn’t help but grin when he heard the sound, and the smile only grew when he got the longer, better whine. Well, darn it, that was adorable. It was all Alex could do to focus on the box he was in the process of showing the boy he loved and not fall right back where he had been. You have all night to cuddle, his mind chirped in. And besides that, Evan had moved to see the box. In-Alexandre felt a giant smile cover his face, and he scooted as close to Evan as he could, only to have the box taken away and laid aside. Ohoho, he liked where this was going. It was insane how much he loved the kissing, when just hours before he was terrified just at the thought of someone ever wanting to kiss him. Guess that just showed what love could change, huh?


And, wow, he had not been expecting that reaction. He couldn’t help but love it, though. Ian slipped his arms around Evan’s waist carefully responding to every little kiss he got. He still felt absolutely clueless when it came to what he was doing, but oh well. He still loved it. It turned his insides in a quivering mass of butterflies. His heart was doing its mad flopping, his lungs weren’t working at all. He was sure if he was standing up his knees would have turned to jelly and he would have fallen. Praise god he was sitting down. All too soon Evan pulled away and gave him that little peck on his horribly red cheek, and then whispered in his ear. Little shivers ran down his spine, and he couldn’t help but smile. This was all to perfect. He had dreamt about this so, so many times over the years they’d been writing, but he had honestly never expected it to happen. He had thought he would always only know Evan through the letters, and he was fine with that. Why would he complain when he had who he considered the most perfect, amazing person writing him every week? He wouldn’t.


But now that Evan was there, it was different. He never wanted the older boy to leave. or if he left, Alex wanted to be with him. He wanted to wake up every morning and have Evan’s arms around him. He wouldn’t to be able to hold his hand whenever he needed comfort. He could picture the two of them together for the rest of his life, happy just to have the other nearby. And, curse it, he would get that future if he had to kill someone to get it. Forget the hopelessness he had felt just minutes before; no one in New York was getting his Evan without a fight from Ian. So what if he would be too scared to actually physically hurt them, he was sure he could come up with some painful verbal barbs to scare them away from his Evan. He didn’t care how much better they were than Ian. He didn’t care that Evan deserved so much more than Ian thought he could ever offer. He was going to be selfish and keep Evan for forever, no matter what that took. People would just have to deal with it; Ian-Alexandre was going to force himself to develop a backbone if that’s what it would take to keep the boy he loved with him.


He had no reason to be worrying about that just then, though. Everything was perfect then, and for the next week, or however long Evan was there. This was their fairytale time, and curse it, Ian wasn’t going to let his stupid pessimistic mind ruin it. He had much more to be happy about then sad about. He had his Evan there, after all. His Evan was going to meet everyone in his family that night. And they were all going to love Evan, Ian just knew it. They had to, or else they’d probably have Harmony jumping down their throats. Heavens knew she was overprotective of Alex and his feelings, and that automatically spread to cover Evan in that protectiveness. Ian wasn’t worried about that, though. Everyone would love Evan, he was sure of it. How could they not? Yeah, he wasn’t perfect, but he was obviously Ian’s other half. His imperfections just made him that much more amazing to Alex, and he would make sure everyone else saw them that way as well.

Alex already knew that Harmony loved Evan, simply because she had no choice but to. That was part of the best friend code, right? You love your best friend’s significant other no matter what. It was a requirement in Alex’s mind. And besides that, harmony was just the type of person who would love anyone who could make someone she cared for as happy a** Evan made Ian. Sure, she would kill Evan if he even thought for half a millisecond of doing anything that would hurt Alex, emotionally or physically, but she still at least liked him a lot. Ryan would take some convincing, that was a given. For one, he was creeped out by the whole “gay” thing, like he always had been. Not to the degree that Alex’s father had been, but creeped out nonetheless. Alex kind of thought that Ryan was hoping that it was just a weird phase that both he and Caleb were going through, and this just proved otherwise. But once Ryan got past that, Ian-Alexandre was sure he’d see how awesome Evan was, and at least start to like him. Dr. Richardson practically worshiped Evan, and had told Ian that many times. Evan had done in a few letters what months in the hospital hadn’t/, and Dr. Richardson respected that. He had said more than once that he owed Evan for almost every bit of progress that Ian made. Mrs. Richardson was in much the same place as Dr. Richardson with the whole Evan thing. Being as motherly as she was, she saw how happy Ian was just thinking of Evan, and that alone made her love the boy. Caleb would be the only hard one. And why wouldn’t he be? He still fancied himself in love with Ian-Alexandre, and Evan was the boy who stole him away.



Alex kind of hated himself for letting Caleb think that there was actually even a slim chance of a future with him. Because he had known all along that he loved Evan, he was just trying to get out of that. They way he had seen it, why waste time feeling things for someone who would never love you back, especially when there was someone amazing right there who already loved you? He had even lied to himself to try to make any feelings he had for Evan go away by telling himself he loved Caleb, when he obviously didn’t, and all that had managed to do was screw everything up. Well, for Caleb, anyway. That was why Ian had a plan, a plan that he and harmony had been brewing for quite some time. All it took was making Caleb open his stupid eyes to see Joshua, Harmony’s brother, and voila. Problem solved. Joshie already liked Caleb a lot, so there was only the one factor to iron out, then boom! Instant happy for all.


Such a shame that was harder than it looked.


Oh well. They had a new reinforcement now, and one who could probably do a lot of good. Yeah, Caleb might hate him at the moment, but that would only last until Harmony got into his head, or until he saw how absolutely amazing Evan was. And, come on, he ought to at least respect Evan for stealing Ian’s heart like he had. That was something Caleb had been working on for a long time, and it only took Evan a few months of letters to accomplish that. That should earn him at least a little respect. The way Ian saw it, they could get Joshua to corner Caleb at the reception, or even the rehearsal dinner that night, and force them to sit down and talk. Maybe someone could even convince Joshua to tell Caleb how much he liked him, and then maybe even ask him out. In Ian-Alexandre’s mind, that would make everything work out. Caleb would back off, Joshua would be happy, Caleb would be happy, and that would make him happy. It would take some work, but they could do it.


Ian-Alexandre was pulled out his thoughts the second he heard Evan’s voice. Just like Evan found Ian’s voice attractive, Ian found his attractive. He seriously thought he would be happy just to sit there and let him talk all day long. Ian was extremely proud of himself for actually focusing on the words Evan said, and not just on that gorgeous smile on his face, or his voice. And he had to admit, he was relieved. He had been a bit afraid that Evan would find the box ridiculously cheesy, or something along those lines. So for the tall boy to say that it made him happy made Alex smile like an idiot. Part of him wanted to say something back, something along the lines of how much he loved him, but he couldn’t make his stupid vocal cords work. Not that he would complain. He was happy to just sit there and watch Evan read. Keeping his arms wrapped tightly around Evan’s waist, Alex scooted a tiny bit closer, and then just stared. How could he not?


Alex had every letter memorized by heart, so reading the letters was nothing new for him, but it slowly dawned on him that this was the first time Evan had read that letter since he had written it. That made the smile on Alex’s face grow. He could probably tell Evan exactly what he had been doing the day he had received every single letter in that box, and then he could just as easily recite the entire letter to Evan. He couldn’t ever remember what he had written in reply, though. Now, Alex had no clue if Evan had been as obsessed as he had, but he kind of doubted that Evan would be able to remember much of what he had written. Unless, you know, Evan’s memory was just a million times better than Alex’s, which was extremely possible. And by golly, Ian really hoped that he hadn’t made an idiot out of himself in all of his reply letters. He’d worried about that a million times, but now that worry was just a tad more acute. Obviously he hadn’t made himself look too stupid, or screwed up, since Evan was there and was in love with him, but still. What if Evan read his letters, and then remembered Ian’s, and realized how horrible they were in comparison? That would be horrible.


That was when the little optimist who hid in the back of Alex’s mind popped in, yelling at him for being stupid and worrying about something as pointless as that. Who cared how dumb he had seemed through the letters. Obviously he had seemed normal enough and as much himself as to make Evan love him. And who was he kidding. Every single thing Alex had ever said in those letters was true, save the parts where he claimed to love Caleb. The person he came across as in the letters was the person he really was. And obviously Evan liked that just a little. So, with those thoughts safely through his mind, Alex felt his smile crawling back into place. Time for him to be as happy as he really was just then (which was the happiest he had ever been) and start showing things off like there was no tomorrow. Just as soon as Evan finished reading the letter he was on then, Alex was going to start ripping things out of the box and forcing Evan to look at them, just like a little kid would. And he knew exactly where he would start.


About then was when his adhd really kicked in. Now that he had something he was looking forward to, his mind couldn’t stay focused enough from him to sit still. It was just a few tiny bounces at first, and then it grew until full fledged bouncing until he was positive Evan was done with that letter. He had probably made reading the last couple of paragraphs difficult, but oh well. He was excited now, and heavens forbid that Evan try to calm him down. It wouldn’t work, and that was that. “Alright! My turn to pick a letter!” He grinned and took the letter out of Evan’s hand, carefully folding it back into its envelope, and placing it carefully back in the box. Now, he just had to dig for the letter he was looking for. He could only hope that Evan wasn’t paying attention to anything Alex was mumbling just then, because to be honest, he had no clue what he was mumbling. That was one of the sad things that came with his adhd when it got bad like this. He would start telling himself what to do, and out loud. Evan should consider himself one of the lucky few, seeing as no one ever got to see this side of Alex, not even harmony. Dr. Richardson had only been blessed with seeing Ian like this a handful of times, and he could vouch, they had all been when he was writing letters and couldn’t decide what to say.


It took Alex a few more seconds of careful digging before he pulled a letter out, obviously towards the beginning of their writing. It was from about six months in, and the letter was really one of those that wasn’t monumental. They weren’t talking about anything serious, just normal, everyday, stupid things that people talked about. But that letter was important because it was the letter that Alex had received that made him think he was in love with Evan. Of course, it took a very long time for him to admit that to himself, but that was the letter. And right after that letter he pulled out another one. This one was the one Evan had sent after Alex had told him why he was in the hospital, and it was the letter he had got when he finally admitted he loved Evan. He remembered sitting in the hospital just staring at the envelope, honestly surprised that he had got a letter back. Dr. Richardson had called him seventy kinds of crazy for thinking Evan wouldn’t write back, but he had seriously thought that he would never get another letter from him again. So when he saw the envelope on his lunch tray, he had seriously thought he would cry. He had prepared himself to not get a letter back, and he had been surprised by how bad the thought hurt, and then to have the letter there… The relief was insane, and he had finally admitted that maybe he was in love with Evan. he had even told Dr. Richardson, and received one of those “I-told-you-so” grins from the man. Alex carefully sat the letters in Evan’s hand, and then placed a quick kiss on his cheek.


“This one,” he said, touching the one on top, “is the letter that made me think I loved you. The first time. I dunno why, but I remember reading that, and thinking, ‘oh my gosh, I’m in love with this boy.’” Alex grinned, and then lifted the letters up to tap the one on the bottom. “And this one,” he dropped the letters back onto Evan’s hand, ”is the letter I got when I finally admitted that I was really insanely in love with you.” With another quick peck on the cheek, Alex moved so he was sitting Indian style in front of Evan, so he could see his face while he read. “Now, read! And don’t you dare talk to me between letters.” Alex leaned back a little bit, placing both hands behind him on the bed for support. He felt like the smile on his face would never leave as he watched Evan finally open the first letter and start to read. The look on Alex’s face didn’t change one iota as he watched Evan finish the first letter and start on the second, and that’s when the knocking started.


As much as Ian would have loved to stay where he was, the pounding on the door finally annoyed him to the point he had to answer it. That was something Evan would learn about Ian-Alexander relatively quickly; he couldn’t take being annoyed for very long. All it took was a few seconds of a good, annoying annoyance and he would do just about anything to make it stop. Sadly, everyone in the Richardson family knew about that little weakness, and a couple of them used it against him at every possible chance. I’m sure you could guess who they were, after all, the adults really weren’t allowed to annoy him to the point of his temper snapping, and Caleb knew better than to get any more of Ian’s bad side than he already was. Grumbling all the way, Alex climbed off the bed, and practically ran to the door. Well, curse it, now he was cold again. Ugh. All the more reason to kill whomever was on the other side. Alex wrenched the door open without giving whoever was out there any warning, as was made apparent by the fact that the hand still kept knocking once the door was gone. Of course it was Harmony. Knowing Ryan, he was probably calling the entire upstairs a no zone until he was sure all possible making out was done. Ian forced a death glare at the petite redhead, moving so she couldn’t see into the room. He shut the door almost all the way, with only his head and one hand sticking out, just in case he needed the sign language.


“Geez. No need to glare daggers. I just came to tell you that the shower next door is open now, and you need to get your happy little rear in it. Unless, you know, you just want to stay home tonight.” One of her perfectly shaped eyebrows arched, and the death glare just grew more intense. Lovely. Now she was trying to get him to shower? Who was she, his mother? “I took a shower this morning. Like, what, eight hours ago? Why do I need another one? No, just no.” Although Alex had thought it impossible, that eyebrow shot up even more. “Honeycakes, listen. As the bride, I decide what goes and what does not go. And I say every single male in this house is getting another shower/bath before my rehearsal dinner. Don’t make me go all ghetto on you. Now, if I don’t hear that shower running in fifteen minutes, I’ll break the door down and subject you to massive amounts of group hugs from every single one of my bridesmaids.” Crap. He’d known she would pull the bridesmaid thing out eventually. With much grumbling, he retreated back into his room and slammed the door in Harmony’s face, clicking the lock behind her.


Alex slowly made his way to back his bed and the boy sitting on it, a tiny pout on his face. As soon as he was back to where he had been before Harmony had started her obnoxious pounding, he wrapped his arms around Evan’s waist and buried his face in the taller boy’s neck. Like hell he was moving. If it came down to it, he would turn the shower on and stick his head in the sink to make it look like he’d taken a shower. Or he could just turn the shower on, then the hairdryer, and skip the entire annoying drying process. He still had to straighten his hair, obviously, but he would have had to do that anyway. He could barely stand that Evan was forced to see him before his hair was pretty and straight, while it was still in its natural disarray. Curse his mother for his stupid blonde, wavy hair genes polluting his father’s pretty blonde, straight hair genes. Oh well. The plan. He wasn’t showering, and that was that. He was already on a short time frame of Evan time as it was; no need to take some of that away with a useless shower. He wasn’t lying when he’d said he’d showered that morning, after all.


Alex pulled his face out of the taller boy’s neck, and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, smiling at him when he pulled away. “I’m just gonna turn the shower on for a while, and then the hairdryer on for a while. She’ll never know I wasn’t in there. Come with me?” Alex didn’t even wait for an answer, just unhooked his arms from his boyfriend’s waist, then twined their hands together and pulled him off the bed and to the door. Alex silently unlocked it, then peeked his head out to make sure the coast was clear, like always. He knew Harmony well enough to know she would listen for his usual routine. Typically he’d strip in his bedroom, peek in the hallway to make no one would see his towel-clad body, and then run down the hall like his towel was on fire. He just had to disguise a second set of footsteps. Once he was positive no one was out there to see, he shot out of the room and down the hall, keeping a firm grip on Evan’s hand the entire time. He didn’t stop running until they were in the bathroom and the door was locked. He shot a triumphant grin at Evan, then leaned up long enough to steal a kiss, the butterflies in his stomach waking up the second their lips touched. Dang, he loved that feeling. And to think, he got that feeling every time he thought of Evan, let alone saw him or touched him. And who would have thought that he, the boy who used to be so afraid of someone even touching him on accident, would actually want someone to touch him as much as he wanted Evan to? It was wonderful.


With another smile at Evan, he took the two steps necessary to reach the shower, and slipped a hand in to turn it on. See, perfect solution. The sound of the water would hide their voices, so no one would ever even know Evan was in there. Maybe Alex was taking this whole shower thing to the extreme, but he didn’t care. He wanted all the Evan time he could get, after all. Ian-Alexandre hopped onto the counter and patted right next to him, shooting another smile at Evan. “See? Now Harmony won’t kill me, and I still get all my Evan time.”

hestolemyheart_____________________________✖✖

[b i z a r r e briefs]

Evan had no idea what he would have done if his mother hadn’t convinced him to at least ask Harmony and Ryan to come to the wedding. There was so much eh would have missed, so much he would have never known. What he had came and found was amazing, and so much more; none of which he could equate with words. If his mother had not put the idea in his head or at least talked him into asking there would be so many missed memories. Many of which he held close to his heart. He could remember the exact day it happened, it had been calm and rainy, and it had been a Saturday morning. He had slept over at the hospital house, or the house his mom stayed in and woke up early and took her breakfast. That was one of her best days, lucky for him. She had been awake when he walked into the room. Her television turned on to her favorite movie of all time Steel Magnolias. By the time he came in it was at the end, at the part during the funeral; When the little boy decides that Agnes is an evil witch. Evan could remember watching her face light up as she watched the screen completely unaware that he was in the room. Then as the part ended he could see in his mind as she turned her head, and just smiled at him. She knew that he had been there all along. Slowly, he walked forward, setting her breakfast on the tray, and sitting at her bedstead telling her all the new news. Telling her about how Edlyn had been accepted to the culinary academy in France early, and how since she had enough credits she would start in January. Letting her in on all the new gossip between the wealthy housewives, and also telling her about Phoebe’s main squeeze at the time Arden.

Now if you knew Phoebe like Evan did Phoebe having a boyfriend was a big deal. Mostly because she was probably one of the pickiest, most clingy girls he knew. She was a girl who was often busy, and never really had time for a boyfriend. She partied all night, got up early, ran three miles before school started, then even during school she spent her lunch hour and break either in the library doing homework, or in the art room finishing a project. She was someone all of the teachers loved. And she was smarter than most students at the school. She had taken all AP classes since freshman year, and she had never got a grade lower than an A. So a boyfriend into all of this craziness was a big deal. And it seemed like Cael fit perfectly. He took her down a few b***h notches, and made her schedule more flexible, but her constant routine wasn’t something she let up. He was one of them. Not nearly a Evan status money wise but he had more than the average fellow. He was older. Just about five years, but at eighteen she could handle herself, and they fit perfectly. They hadn’t broken up to this day. And of course Evan’s mother found this more than interesting. His mother loved Phoebe like her own child, especially since Phoebe had one mother one month and another the next. Her dad was currently on his fifth wife and they just kept getting younger, and younger. Eventually though they had discussed the subject till there was nothing left and they moved slowly onto the subject of Evan’s letters. And he told his mom that he just might be in love with the boy and how Ryan and Harmony were getting married.

That’s when her idea came out. “Why don’t you ask if you can attend the wedding?” The weird thing was that she asked the question as if everyone asked. As if it was a totally normal thing and not at all rude. And then she went on and on about how if he was in love with the boy that he should at least know and there was definitely no way that he could say it in a letter, and how he should do it in person. He on the other had could barely comprehend the idea, but he thought at least if he asked he would know. So that’s exactly what he did, with some pushing and encouragement from his mother. And that’s what had gotten him to Ian-Alexandre. That’s what got him to have Ian In his arms kissing the boy. All it had taken was one small question from one small idea from his mother and he was in the arms of the boy he loved now. And that boy, Ian-Alexandre loved him back a fact that got better every time he heard it. The place he was at was definitely beyond cloud nine. He was so much higher up, almost unnaturally high. But he didn’t have anything in his system which was what totally freaked him out. But all in all he couldn’t help but love it. It was just perfection to the max. All he had to do was get Caleb somewhat happier and all would be good. Hopefully though his scheming boyfriend had something up his sleeve already. That would be helpful, and maybe the letter helped along with the suck up gift. He didn’t know though. He definitely didn’t know Caleb well enough to know if any of it would have helped, so he could only hope.

Now Evan sat on Ian’s bed a letter in his hands, Ian-Alexandre’s arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He loved that feeling, he loved how tightly he was being held and it made it more than hard to concentrate on the letter but within seconds he was immersed in it. Every word on the page was one of his. And now he realized that he hadn’t actually read this letter for months. He hadn’t read it since he finished writing it before putting it in the mail and sending it off to the boy, and the whole day before he received the letter came back to him. It was weird to be able to remember all of this again. To be able to picture the day almost perfectly. But in some ways it was simply logic in his mind. Ian-Alexandre was a boy who gave him super memory. Everything that Ian-Alexandre was at least slightly involved in he could remember like it was hours before. Every detail exactly what he and everyone else was wearing. And for some reason parts of it found it weird and others found it totally normal and amazing. Hopefully the memory wasn’t just him. Hopefully Ian-Alexandre had it to. Because then at least he could say it was normal. At least then he would know that someone felt the same way. And maybe that would be good. Because maybe that would be something they both shared. Or maybe it was something that everyone in love shared. He didn’t know though because he had never felt this deeply for anyone ever in his life before. This was all new to him And as he finished the letter (which had been harder than the rest due to Ian-Alexandre bouncing), he felt it be slowly taken out of his hands by Ian who had been watching him the whole time. And for some reason he absolutely loved it.

He watched as Ian-Alexandre tucked the letter he had been reading into its old slightly yellowed envelope. It was still pretty white but then again all of them were. But just the same they each looked like they had been read so, so many times. He wouldn’t have been surprised if Ian had memorized them. As Ian tucked the letter away he couldn’t help but smile as he heard the boys excited voice come into the equation. So Ian-Alexandre was going to pick a letter. This like most things was bound to be interesting. His mind searched and searched through the many memories of writing letters. What letter would he choose? What would it mean to him? Would it just be a favorite letter or would it be something totally different, like one with a certain quote he liked, or something else. He wasn’t sure. But he was sure of one thing whatever it was it was bound to be amazing. It was Ian-Alexandre picking it out, it couldn’t be anything less than amazing, even if his writing did suck balls. And not in the good way. But as he watched and waited he stared. Something he was fond of doing because no matter how awkward the situation was. And now was no different. Alex sat shuffling through letters in the box, mumbling away, and without focusing on Alex’s voice he wasn’t able to caught more than a few words. It didn’t matter to him though because just watching the movement of his face and his lips was enough of Evan. And the longer he look the more he felt like it was one of the cutest things he had ever seen, and even thought he probably wouldn’t admit it to anyone he found it to be such a turn-on. And before he knew it Ian had found the letters and his aphrodisiac had stopped. But thankfully it only got better. The boys lips landed on his check before handing him something. Ian handed him the letters and started talking. However this time it wasn’t Ian’s voice that he found to be so absolutely lovely, but the words coming out of his mouth. Words and phrases that he was actually focusing on as he felt the paper on the envelopes ripe in his hands, ready to be reopened for the thousandth time and reread.

The word that came were surprising, but they made Evan extremely happy. He said that one of his letters made him think that he loved Evan. Wow. He never known something like that could have such an impact. But in a sense he did because he could remember the letter that made him at least realize that he was in love with the boy. He could remember that pure moment of joy and happiness because he had finally realized something that he had been holding in his heart for a long time. And as he opened the first letter he recognized it immediately, marveling at its age. The words flowed off the page creating perfect harmony. And for some reason these words didn’t feel like his. They felt different. They didn’t feel like they would be found in a letter a boy had written it to his best friend. It seemed like it should have been in a book. But this is what amazed him. Everything for some reason was perfect, even the mistakes seemed necessary. And he wondered how he ever managed to make this letter in the first place. How did he choose what seemed like all the right words without trying? He sure didn’t mean to. He was just letting his mind and heart become one, and just talk to the boy, like he always did. He couldn’t have sounded nearly as good in any of the others. This letter he was holding in his hand made him sure that it was his best letter ever, and nothing would change that. The second letter was just as interesting as the first. But it was different. It was just him talking about life. Nothing two deep, nothing too sad, it had been right after he had found out what had put Ian-Alexandre, and he had cried. Not that anyone even knew that not his mother, not Phoebe. It was something about how strong he would have to be to make it through all of that. It amazed him.

Most people after reading that letter would have pitied the boy. They would have told them how sorry they were, but that wasn’t even. He didn’t feel sort for him for some reason. It had just made him want to protect the boy more. It made him want to hold on and never let go, because he never wanted to let Ian-Alexandre ever go through anything as bad, or that would slightly hurt the boy. It was weird at first how protective he felt over Ian but he soon realized he didn’t exactly care. Mostly because it was their friendship. He could be as protective as he wanted and no one could stop him. He wanted to hold onto the boy whenever a sign of tears came, and the kiss them all away. He never wanted Ian-Alexandre to hurt. He just wanted to see the boy smiling madly like he had been all day. All he really wanted was to see the boy happy. Was that enough? He thought so, and along with loving the boy Evan thought that together he could make Ian happy. And most importantly that he could keep Ian-Alexandre happy. He could take Ian where ever he wanted, he could let him learn anything. He could get him into the best colleges. With Evan every door was open and the closet ones with a bit of persuasion those could open to. For Ian he wanted the best, and only the best. He wanted ever one of Ian’s wants filled. He always wanted a smile on the boys face. That was it.

As he read through the second letter he heard a knocking on the door. But the knock wasn’t soft or easy to listen to It was harsh and loud. He guessed the person that was knocking was Harmony telling them something about getting ready for the rehearsal dinner. To him that would be fine and as he read the last few sentences of the letter he felt the bed move and Ian-Alexandre get up to finally answer the door. He seemed somewhat displeased as he watched the boy practically sprint across the room as he tucked the letter away and closed the box. He watched as Ian-Alexandre closed slowly opened the door hearing Harmonies voice float through the small crack. And as soon as it started he immediately knew that Ian didn’t have the happiest look on his face. Actually he sounded like he looked quite evil at the moment. Because the first words out of Harmonies mouth was to stop glaring daggers. So Evan could quickly guess that he wasn’t exactly fond of being cold or out of his arms which made a smile come to his face as fast as lighting. He loved that the boy loved him and just to hear that he was giving dirty looks to someone because he would rather be in his arms made him feel elated. But then again he also felt like since it was Harmony’s wedding that Ian-Alexandre should at least shower for the rehearsal dinner. It was Harmony’s big day. And it was also Ryan’s, but mostly Harmonies. And as he heard the conversation continue he heard Harmony’s voice become more menacing, Hearing her pull out a warning to make sure the boy would end up in the shower. But it didn’t seem to do much good other than to make Ian-Alexandre a little madder than he already was. And he watched the boy angrily slam the door and grumble his way over to Evan.

When Ian reached the boy he felt him climb up into his arms and wrap his own small arms around Evan’s waist while he buried his face in the taller boy’s neck. The warmth came slowly back to Evans body as he wrapped his own arms around the boy kissing his head, content there even though he knew the smaller boy would have to get up soon to go shower and make himself clean which sounded okay because that gave him a chance to go grab his suitcases and get something to wear but he could do that with Ian here without showering. That didn’t sound totally bad to Evan. But laying here with the boy pressed into his chest was something that definitely sounded better than letting him go shower. He didn’t want to let the boy go because they had so little time together but Evan knew it was a necessary thing. And because it was necessary Evan was fine with the boy going and showering. But sooner that Evan wanted Ian moved. Ian pulled his head slowly out of the now warm crease in Evans neck greeting the boy with a kiss on his lips sending tiny shivers down his spine. He loved when their lips touched. He could do it over and over again. But he knew where this was all leading. Ian-Alexandre pulled away from Evan’s lips and Evan soon heard his Ian-Alexandre’s voice enter the air his plan filling the air. The plan was smart he would just turn the shower on and then the hairdryer. It was a smart plan. That’s all he had to say. But it didn’t mean that he would let him go through with it.

Then before Evan had anytime to lecture the boy or at least start to convince him Ian-Alexandre just unhooked his and Evans arms from their waists and took his hands and the same little tingle he got when they kissed but it was less. To Evan there it was all still there. And he couldn’t help but love it. But he soon felt his hand be tugged on him pulling him off the bed and dragging him towards the door before stopping. He watched his boyfriend peek out of the door crack swiftly sliding his head in and checking to see if the coast was clear. But as the seconds passed Evan’s heart thudded lightly inside his chest. He wanted to know exactly what was passing through his head. He wished that a lot though. He had wished that when he was professing his love, and even before but it was something he just couldn’t do so as they stood there he just decided that it was better to wait. So he did and when the time came he felt himself being pulled out of the room into a run, then continuing to run down the hall into the bathroom. All Evan could say was that he was surprised, but Ian had asked him to come with him. And it’s not like he could have said no. It was Ian-Alexandre, what reason would he have had to say no? He watched as Ian locked the bathroom door before shooting the older boy a smile and quickly pressing his lips to Evans sending a hot jolt down his spine. The jolt send tingles everywhere and you have to wonder if kissing the boy was even that good. But to Evan anything with Ian was. Ian could just brush hands with the boy and he could still feel something he wouldn’t feel with a stranger. Evan loved everything about Ian, and he wanted him more than anything. His mind on the other hand knew too well. It knew what going farther would do and even though he knew his body wanted it for the first time he wasn’t exactly sure if he was ready. Sure, he had been with every other partner he had ever had even some of his best friends now, and of course he was in love with Ian, but this was different. This was the person he was sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and if Ian wanted to wait twenty years, then he would wait. If Ian wanted it after marriage then he would wait. He wasn’t comfortable with it if Ian wasn’t. So in reality it all depended on the boy.

As Ian-Alexandre got settled Evan watched as he took the minimum amount of steps to reach the shower and turned it on. He was so bad, which was the only reason that Evan was going to ‘suggest’ that Ian-Alexandre take a shower. Hmm.. that would be fun for Evan. As Ian pulled his hand back out of the shower he hopped up onto the counter patting the seat beside him. On the counter Ian-Alexandre was just about as tall as him, maybe a little taller. So Evan like any good boyfriend did what was suggested but he knew that what he was going to do after wouldn’t get him a ton of boyfriend points Or maybe it would. He was no one to predict the future. So Evan hopped up onto the counter and he set his plan into action, but really it wasn’t much of a plan more of an idea, that had extreme determination behind it. So Evan started. All he did was pull the boy close and wrap his arms around the boy waist holding him tight setting his chin on the boys shoulder thinking about what he should say in response to Ian’s oh so blunt phrase. “You know Harmony wouldn’t kill you, and we have more time then you think love. We just have to use it wisely.” His voice coming out just loud enough to be heard over the shower but soft, and content, kissing the boys jaw lightly. “I know you think there’s not a lot of time, and that if you take a shower you’ll just be wasting time you could spend with me, but it is Harmonies rehearsal dinner. She’s your best friend, and she’s getting married. So take a shower, if not for her for me.” Evan said pulling his chin off of Ian’s shoulder slightly turning the boy so he could have better access when it came to kissing him.

“And if you need some convincing, let’s just say that…” he said slowly before slowly placing his hands on the boys face, and kissing him. The type of kiss that Evan gave Ian was not the type of kiss that you couldn't tell your friends about. It was the kind of kiss that was so gentle, and soft it was heart breaking and so passionate that together you knew you were loved, undoubtedly so. It was the kind of kiss that made your whole body quiver. Evan loved it, he especially loved that he was the one who initiated all of it. Because the kiss was ******** amazing and even if it was him who had kissed the boy like that the way the boy kissed back, he was a natural kisser, and a damn good one at that. This was sort of weird because Ian-Alexandre hadn’t kissed that many people other than himself to Evans knowledge. As he pulled back almost at a snail's pace he smiled, placing another anxious peck on the boy’s lips. “Let’s just say neither of those will be happening for a while if you don’t get in that shower and do whatever else you need to do before you come into your room and let me pick out your outfit. Plus if you take a shower it will give me time to check my phone and get my suitcases and I promise if you get into that shower, you’ll get more than one kiss.” He said smiling leaning his forehead on the boys pulling him closer yet again to kiss him. This time it was shorter and definitely not as good as what he had done to the boy before but still an amazingly good kiss. And then again, and again, before decided to just give him a peck. “Who am I kidding I don’t want to leave,” he said into the boys ear before bringing his lips to Ian’s again letting himself get slightly immersed in what he was doing with his mouth and his hands. Holding the boy almost painfully tightly close to Evan, one hand tangled in Ian’s hair. This was the life. He could sick on a counter and do this every day, every night and every minute of his life.

Eventually after a long while of kissing the boy over and over again, letting himself get lost in everything his conscience came and yelled at him and with that he pulled back expertly and smiled at the boy before placing a small peck on his lips. So he might have trouble with his little plan but he had to go get his stuff, and get dressed. “Okay, you take a shower, I’ll go get my bags, and the faster we do this the more time we have to do what we just did. Plus you have to prep me on meeting your family. And choose an outfit. It’ll be fun for the most part don’t worry. I love you Ian-Alexandre, now get your little but in that shower.” He said kissing him again. “And my deal’s still up. I’ll know if you don’t get in the shower,” Evan said unhooking his arm from around Ian and taking his other hand off of Ian’s back. “See you soon love.” He said before winking at the boy and hopping off the counter before quickly scurrying off an out the door closing it gently before walking down the hallway on his toes trying to cause the least amount of noise before he slowly reached Ian-Alexandre’s room. As soon as he opened the door he practically ran in closing the door behind him louder than he had anticipated. All the same it was okay. First thing he needed to do was find his shirt and check his phone and as he scanned the room he immediately found his jacket and shirt. Thankfully Evans shirt was still dry but hit jacket was wet due to the snow but he knew his travel phone would be just about fine. Within seconds Evan picked up his shirt and pulled it into his arms so that he button it up and eventually do find his suitcases. As he buttoned up his shirt his mind went racing to what was on his phone and if everyone had gone mad crazy because he hadn’t been all that mobile.

Once Evan’s shirt was button he leaned down yet again and searched through his damp jacket pockets, and thankfully the pockets seemed to be dry. His hand quickly found his phone, and for once he wasn’t actually sure what to expect. He could guess that his mom called him, but the rest of them. They never went this long without talking to him. So as soon as he turned his phone and let it find a signal he knew he would be overloaded with new text messages and voicemails. But When he connected and everything was ready he only had one new voicemail, and six new text messages. That was weird. He had thought he was going to get at least thirty, and that was only from Phoebe. So no doubt they were sure to be long. As he searched his phone he quickly got to the texting going down to the bottom of the new messages which was from Phoebe of course.

Blonnndiie; and or mr. laodire. How was your flight? I know we dropped you off at the plane but I’m still wondering. I hope that Marco gave you some to die for scones because the plane ride was long, and you can’t make much in a plane, or at least that’s what Eddie says. I miss you already, isn’t that crazy? Though I know your going for a wedding and iaaann-allexanndre. Who by gosh better be as cute as he is in that picture. And you love him. And I’m so happy you’ve found someone so instead of being your always clinging best friend I’m going to just leave you one text. Be nice to him, and make a good impression. I hope your happy with the extra stuff I stuck in your suit case. It’s just clothes…. Or is it? You text me back, and call me tonight. Anytime’s fine. Me and Eddie and the group are going out for dancing and drinks, but we are staying sober. We are just seeing Avery’s sisters band. Hopefully you’ll call me. And CALL YOUR MOTHER. Not that I need to remind you. We are going to see her and make her breakfast with Marco. Well eddies going to cook with Marco and I’m going to taste test. What can I say I’m not a cook. Then I’m going to the studio and I get to paint this amazing model, you know that girl Danni? I get to draw her today. I’m not sure if its nude or not but she’s soooo ATTRACTIVE. So I’m excited. Bleck. You probably didn’t need to know that. Since no one else does. So don’t tell anyone okay? I lovvve you.. <3333 call me. LOVE redhead and or ms. brabanzio.

It was texts like these that made Evan smile. Then again most texts from Phoebe made him smile. Phoebe made people smile, and even though her mouth and mind weren’t the cleanest things in the world she had such an oddly positive attitude, especially when she was happy. She could practically make anyone happy when she was. She was one who loved life and even with Aden and all her friends and everything that she wanted to do she didn’t stress. She just let fate take her. And that’s exactly what Evan loved about that girl which is why he just had to text her back.

Andromache <333 the plane flight was as smooth as ever. Marco was good and surprised me with them by putting them in my bag and boy were they delicious. I miss you too by the way. But weirdly enough so much as happened. I came and as I told you Ian didn’t know that I was coming. And boy is that boy gorgeous. Anyways everything is amazing and I have so much to tell you. Parts of me want to call you this second but as Ian is in the shower and I still have to text everyone else plus re-straighten my hair. So I’ll just tell you this now. Let me tell my mom first thought okay? You can talk to her about it tomorrow but today’s my day. Keep an eye on her will you? Anyways, I sort of told Ian that I love him. He was the one who kissed me first oddly enough and he told me not to hate him. And then it just came pouring out. But you know what’s better? He told me he loves me back. And I’m so completely in love with this boy. And I gave him the ring, which are now on our fingers. I know you told me to take it slow, but I think I did okay. I’m just worried about first impressions and all. Even though you think their my forte. I must be off. I need to find an outfit. And get my suitcases. I miss you darling. I love you too. I’ll call you tonight after the rehearsal dinner, don’t get drunk. Tell Cael I say hello. LOVE Evan and or Blondie..

And with sending that to Phoebe he continued on the rest of his texts finding one from pretty much everyone. There was one from Edlyn, Avery, Conway, Quinton and oddly enough Xavier. This surprised him, but it seemed he had a long thanksgiving break so he was coming home early before the Christmas holiday. It was weird because when he read the text message none of him wanted to jump and run off to see the boy like he had a long while ago. None of him wanted to jump up and fly off to New York City to see the boy. Because when he say that message all he thought about was how in love he was with Ian-Alexandre. He didn’t mind that the boy was back in town and of course he would see him, but for now he didn’t want to leave. There was a short amount of time as it was so leaving wouldn’t be fun it would just ruin what he had came for. In some ways though he was relieved that Xavier’s text didn’t make him want to jump up and run away but to only run into the boy he loved arms. Now that he was fixed with his phone dilemma other than calling his mom it was probably the right thing to go off and find his suitcases so pushing his phone into his almost too tight jean pocket he headed out the door with quiet quick steps, heading for the stairs. As he reached them he ran down them quickly spotting his suitcases on the stairs, and within seconds he happily took them grabbing the first one and his briefcase and trudging up to Alex’s room before going back down and retrieving the larger one. This one was harder than the others because this required hauling it up the stairs without letting it touch the ground and boy was Evan in for a work out. As soon as he finished despite the fact that that the suitcase was freakishly heavy he smiled, and then shut the door.


Now was the fun part. Now was the time he got to do the dressing and the straightening of his hair. Usually for a big occasion he’d have someone come over ad bring clothes and a makeup artist and a hair stylist but this was all on his own and he felt pumped because the outfits he and Phoebe had chosen earlier were so cute even if they were ad little underdressed for his taste. The best part was getting to dress Ian. But the question was in what. Of course though he’d give the boy options, at least two, but he needed to get going before Ian was so he started and oh did he find joy. So he started, and the moment he open his suitcase he was causing himself and imminent death. Because if you knew even getting dressed was probably the hardest thing he did all day. And now he was going to attempt it again, and oh what fun. As Evan’s hands searched through his suitcase he pulled out the already put together outfits in hanging bag and set them on the floor. More than one outfit came of the bag and none went back. The problem now was what to wear and today it was worse than others, the outfit had to be perfect it needed to be just dressy enough for this kind of wedding but still show his unique style and it was hard. He just stood there and looked at them, looking at his own options and Alex’s. He knew he couldn’t fit in Alex’s clothing that he had brought for the boy to at least try on but it was easier to think or what his boyfriend was wearing than the clothes he had to put on. But eventually time passed and decisions had not been made and Ian-Alexandre came in to see clothes in bags on the floor everywhere Evan sitting in the mist of it all. But as soon as Ian came in Evan’s face lit up and a smile overcame his facial features. “Sorry love, I couldn’t choose. The ones over there are your options.” He said slowly standing up running his hand through his hair. “Do you want me to go so you can get dressed?”

[B3N3V0L3NTxF4iiRY___xo]

✖✖xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxit'sian-alexandre,love

{ we're so crazy in love }_________________________

Ian-Alexandre was definitely going to enjoy the next few days, he could tell. For one, Evan was there, and that just made everything perfect by itself. but then you add the fact that he and Harmony were finally going to get to set a few of their evil plans in motion involving Caleb and Joshua, and Melody and Jenna. Caleb and Joshua would require more work than Melody and Jenna would, but it was a labor of love, one that would officially make everyone's lives perfect. Or, well, as close to perfect as they could be. All it would take to get Melody and Jenna together was a few well-placed words on he and Harmony's part. Maybe a little pushing. According to Harmony, Melody had had a crush on Jenna for forever, and being the shy little girl that she was, had never got the courage to tell her. Harmony said that she'd been really upset right after they graduated because she thought that she'd never see Jenna again, and that she'd screwed up in not telling her because she thought they'd never see each other again. Harmony had remedied that by getting close to Jenna, and making sure she was over at the Brashare's house as often as was proper. She'd done some begging, and had got Jenna to admit that she'd had an equally-as-large crush on Melody as Melody had had on her, and voila. Ian and Harmony had started plotting. Their current plan involved a very cheesy method of forcing people to admit crushes; Seven Minutes In Heaven. Jenna was a bridesmaid, and Melody was obviously the maid of honor, and since all of the bridesmaids were staying at the Brashare's that night... It was perfect.

Caleb and Joshua on the other hand... Caleb was still so caught up in his self-pity of Ian-Alexandre not loving him back that it would be difficult to get it through his thick skull that Joshua was completely single, totally gorgeous, and head over heels in love with him. He had been since way before Alex even knew Caleb, if Dr. Richardson's judgment on the matter could be trusted. The way Ian saw it, they'd be perfect together. Caleb wasn't extremely tall, and he wasn't short, which put him at just the right height for whoever ended up with Joshua, who was 6'3". Caleb could be a crybaby, and was typically very, very needy, and Joshua was the kind of person who wanted to give all of their attention to whoever they were with, and who's only goal was to see that person happy. Honestly, Joshua reminded Ian a lot of a silent Evan. He and Harmony had never figured out exactly what they were going to do to get those two together, but they would do it eventually. Ian-Alexandre thought that if he could get Joshua to tell Caleb how he felt, Caleb would go running straight to him. Sure, it would just be for comfort at first, kind of like a rebound, but that would change eventually. Joshua was patient enough to show Caleb just how much he cared through little things until Caleb realized that they would be perfect for each other and fell for him. Ian was planning on talking to Caleb about it at the reception, maybe convincing him to at least talk to Joshua for a little bit. It would make Joshua so happy, and it might be the push he needed to ask Caleb out.

Ian-Alexandre really thought that Evan could help he and Harmony set their plans in action. He would understand just how delicate these plans were, how hard they were to get going. you couldn't just shove two people together and say, "be happy!" and expect it to work. It had taken months of careful meddling to get it to the point it was at right now. At the rate they were going, it would take another year to make anything happen. But with Evan's help... who really knew? Maybe some outside perspective would be enough to shove Joshua into action. That would definitely make Ian's life ever-so-much easier if Caleb's attention was directed at someone else. He wouldn't have to worry about inadvertently hurting Caleb anymore, and that would be a huge relief. He wouldn't have to worry about Caleb murdering Evan, either, which would be nice. He would have to tell Evan about it whenever he got a chance, which might never happen. Who knew? There were definitely better things to talk about than Alex's friends' problems. Especially then. He still had to get Evan prepared for everyone he was going to be forced to meet tonight. He still had to dig through his closet for clothes Harmony would approve of. he still had to corner Joshua and tell him to talk to Caleb. Maybe he could tell Evan about the Joshua thing right before he went to find the older boy. That would work.

Oh, Harmony would be so proud.

At the moment, though, Harmony was the farthest thing from Ian's mind. She'd already Bossed him around for one day, in his opinion. Really, he would have much rather been cuddled up with Evan on his bed just then than in the bathroom, and the stupid counter. For one, it was just about the most unromantic place ever. Then there was the fact that the counter was freezing, and it was making Ian's butt go numb, which wasn't very pleasant at all. And it was pretty much the epitome of uncomfortable. Tile was exactly soft. They had to angle themselves weird to be able to be close... Bah. It was just ridiculous. She could have let him go without another shower. One ******** shower was enough for one day! He would admit, he did need to straighten his hair, since he hadn't yet, and it was being stupid and wavy.But a shower...? God no. That was just a waste of his precious time, time he would much rather be spending with the boy he was in love with.If he was sluttier than he was, which was about as un-slutty as you could get, he probably would have just asked Evan to shower with him. But god no, that wasn't happening. That would just be an epic disaster. It would probably send him into an episode, and that would in turn terrify Evan. So, it was just best for all of them if they stuck to his plan. Harmony would be appeased, thinking Ian had showered uselessly. Ian would be happy because he hadn't had to waste his precious time, and got to stay with Evan. Tada! Win/win!

Such a shame nothing ever worked the way he planned. Evan hopped onto the counter next to him, exactly like Ian-Alexandre had known he would, and pulled him close. See, that wasn't bad. The more he and Evan touched the more he wondered why that had ever terrified him like it had. Not everyone was like his brother, and he knew that. But somehow, with Evan, it was finally getting through his thick skull that not everyone would hurt him. Not everyone wanted to see him in pain. Evan was in love with him, for some reason Ian couldn't understand, and maybe that was why it wasn't scary for them to touch. But then again, touching Caleb had scared him, and Caleb had been in love with him. So maybe it was the fact that he was in love with Evan. For the first time ever, he wanted to touch. It was almost reassuring to him, touching Evan. It let him know that he was actually there, and this wasn't just another dream his mind threw at him to make him happy for a brief time. Those dreams always drove him insane. Even though he'd only had a few pictures of Evan, he'd had a mental image that was fairly close to the real thing, just not as perfect. So the dreams were always unbearably realistic. He'd always wake up, alone, and it would hurt. But now, Evan was there, and they were touching, and kissing, and Ian-Alexnadre wasn't going insane. It was, literally, a dream come true.

He couldn't stop the smile that covered his face while Evan kiss along his jawline, and that smile only grew when the other boy started to talk. Ian had been ready to start arguing that he didn't need a shower, and that it was useless to try to convince him with the whole Harmony's-getting-married-do-what-she-wants speech, until he said the last little bit. If not for her, for me. All of his arguments died, and part of him wanted to jump up and scream, "Anything for you, Evan!" But he didn't. His smile slowly faded as his face was turned towards Evan's, and then when their lips met... If that counter hadn't been there to hold him up, he would have melted into a pile of goo. Ian-Alexandre might not have known much about kissing, but he did know this was an amazing kiss. If there had been any doubt in his mind that Evan loved him before, it was wiped away by that kiss. All he could do was hope he didn't screw it up with his inexperience. His hands had moved to tangle in Evan's hair the second it started, and they stayed there even as it ended. He sighed after the tiny peck was placed on his lips, and frowned a tiny bit at Evan's words. He was going to shower now, no doubt about that. Evan's kisses were addicting, and he was threatening to take them away.

Thank god he didn't take them away immediately. It felt to Ian-Alexandre like they spent an eternity on that counter, kissing each other, but he knew it was only a little while. Long enough that if he really wanted to, he could have said he had showered. But Evan had threatened no kissing if he didn't take a shower, so damn it, he was going to! He just had to get Evan out of the bathroom, and that was proving to be easier said than done. Evan had tugged him back into another heart-melting kiss after he'd made the threat. And then another. And another. And another. And then he spoke again, and Ian couldn't stop the smile. "Then don't go," he whispered, right before Evan caught him in another kiss. God, those were addicting. Evan was just addicting in general. But the kisses... damn. The other boy had a taste that was just perfect, and it seemed like he was always so careful while he was kissing Ian, and ti made his heart break in the most amazing way possible. Ian-Alexandre knew that Evan had been with plenty of people before him, and while that almost hurt in a weird way, he knew that was why he was so good at the whole kissing thing. And Ian would have to admit, he was glad Evan was good at it, because it made him feel things he didn't know he could feel.

All too soon, Evan was tugging away. Ian-Alexandre very nearly tugged Evan back into a kiss, just to get him to stay, but he was talking, and well, that would have been plain rude. He pretty much had no choice but to listen and get in the shower. He wanted more kisses later, for sure. And Evan was just being so damn practical about the whole thing. It would give Evan time to get his stuff without feeling like he was abandoning Alex, or whatever. And it really wouldn't kill him to take two showers in one day. It just seemed a waste of his time, and of water. But if it was going to make everyone else happy.... He sighed as Evan walked towards the door, a tiny frown on his face. "I love you." He kind of doubted Evan had heard him, but oh well. He needed to say it. Ian really had no will to get up off of the counter. He was quite happy just sitting there,staring at the shower and replaying the last few hours over and over again. Really, he would have sat there like that for hours, if it wasn't for the fact that Evan was waiting, and that he'd said that there wouldn't be any kisses unless Ian showered. That was enough motivation to propel him off of the counter, and out of his clothes as quickly as he could. He climbed into the shower the second his boxers were off, and turned the knob even further to the left in an attempt to warm himself up. The water was already nice and toasty due to the long time it sat there warming up, but Ian was freezing. Before he knew it, he had relaxed completely under the stream of hot water, and nearly fallen asleep. That always happened, though. It was the cooling of the water that snapped him out of it, and sent him hurrying through the rest of the shower. His hair and body were scrubbed down in record time, and then he was out of the shower and wrapped in his towel. The first thing he did once he was decent was grab his glasses off of the shelf above the toilet, and shove them onto his face. He was blind without them, practically.

His plan was to make a run for it; right to his bedroom, like he always did. But today was different. Today there would be somebody in his usually empty bedroom. So even if he didn't have many options in that bathroom, he still had to look okay. The more he thought about it, the less he really cared, though. Ian stood in front of the mirror and stared at his reflection, a small crease between his eyebrows. He had gone through this routine before, a million times, and every time it made him want to crawl back into one of the over-sized hoodies he usually wore and hide forever. His self-esteem was already non-existent as it was, without him critiquing himself in the mirror, but really, who doesn't do that? Ian-Alexandre lifted on hand to trace the scars on the front of his torso with one finger, his frown growing. His chest and stomach were relatively scar-free, compared to his back. His front only had two long scars, from the stabbing. They were ugly, and pink, and he hated them, but they were nothing. His back was covered in smaller, less-noticeable scars, punctuated by the four large ones that matched the ones on his front. The smaller scars were from beating his father had dished out when he was especially drunk. Belts can leave pretty good scars if the buckles hit just right. They'd left nasty cuts, and then nasty scars. And of course, there were the stab scars. Thank god he couldn't see his back, or he probably would have thrown up. His front was bad enough. Its not like he was ugly, even he would admit that. He hadn't ever been able to keep an ounce of extra fat on his body, so his stomach was nice and flat. Of course, he didn't do anything that really created muscle-mass, either, but still. They only things that really marred his body were the ugly scars, and they weren't going away.

Part of him wanted to wrap another towel around his chest, just to hide the scars from Evan. The other part reminded him that Evan wouldn't care; that Evan knew they were there already. He might as well see them now rather than later, right? It wasn't going to make the other boy love him any less. They were just scars, no need for him to panic. The blue eyes behind the glasses didn't show any of the calmness he was trying to convince himself he had. He had to seem calm before he got to his bedroom, though. That was imperative. otherwise Evan might ask why, and then he'd have to explain, and ugh. Calmness was necessary. He stood there a few moments, taking deep breaths, before he was sure he looked calm enough to make his way to his bedroom. But just because he looked calm, it didn't mean he felt calm. Ian was freaking out on the inside. It felt like he was trying to explode in a thousand directions at once. He hated how worked up he got over the tiniest things, but that was just part of who he was. Always a worry-wort. He stood there a little bit longer, finally positive he could make it to his room without falling apart. The towel was wrapped firmly around his waist, and he had a hold of it just in case. he looked calm, he felt calmer than before, and Evan was there. He just had to not think about the scars. With a deep breath, Ian made his way out of the bathroom and down the hall to his bedroom. He opened his bedroom door, and then he felt his jaw drop open.

The sight he was greeted with when he walked back into his room was enough to make him stop dead in his tracks. He swore it had been completely spotless when he'd dragged Evan to the bathroom with him, and now it looked a little bit like a bomb had gone off in a dry-cleaners. Outfits were strewn all over the place, more than Ian-Alexandre probably had in his entire closet, and Evan was sitting smack-dab in the middle of it, a huge smile on his gorgeous face. Of course, Alex couldn't help but smile. It was just too damn cute to not smile. Of course, what Evan said about him choosing wiped the smile right off of his face. He wasn't going to dig into it until he was dressed, but he had the horrible feeling that some of the clothes strewn across his floor were meant for him. And he would not have that. he'd made his opinion on presents clear plenty of times, and this... it would be too much. He'd already given Alex the ring, and that was enough gift-wise for one day. But if it was going to make Evan happy, he was sure that he would take the gifts happily. It was kind of pathetic how crazy he was for Evan, but he didn't care. that was how love worked, after all. The smile came back to his face as Evan stood up, and offered to leave the room so he could get dressed. Honestly, Ian-Alexandre had completely forgotten that he was just wrapped in a towel. Well, lovely. Now that he remembered he was embarrassed. Alex was a modest person by nature, always had been, so to realize that he'd been standing there with only a towel on was enough to make his face turn bright red. The hand that was holding the towel in place tightened on the material, while his horrible blush started to crawl from his collarbone up. Oh, what he would have given to have a hoodie really close just then, just so he could cover up long enough to get to his closet. He probably looked like an idiot while he stood there, his head down to hide the blush until it disappeared, but he didn't care. He wasn't going to let Evan see him blush again, and that was that. He was aware that Evan could probably see how red his collarbone was, but oh well.

Ian-Alexandre stood there for what felt like forever, waiting for the heat to leave his face, before he finally looked up and shook his head. "You don't have to leave. My closet is really big, I can change in there." He forced a half-smile, and then hurried through the mine field of clothes to his closet, gripping the towel so tight that his knuckles were white. He kept his death-grip on the towel even after the door to his closet was shut behind him. So, maybe he was over-reacting a little bit, but he didn't think his poor brain could handle any more embarrassment. If that meant he had to cling to that towel until he was safely hidden in the very back of his closet, then so be it. He stood by the door for a few moments, waiting long enough to hear that Evan hadn't followed him, before he made his way to the dresser at the back of the closet. He dug through the mess of socks and underwear that was his top drawer until he was positive he was holding a pair of boxers, and not a loose sock or something. He wasn't dropping that towel until he was positive, even if there was no way Evan could see him once he did. I mean, they were separated by a locked door. Ian pushed his way through clothes so that he was hidden in the back corner, between his dresser and the wall and safely behind most of his coats. Only then did he drop the towel and scurry into the boxers. The rest of the dressing process went much more smoothly. He didn't bother getting terribly dressed up, seeing as he would just have to change within the hour. Alex had a short time period after his shower that was the only time he was ever actually warm without being bundled up, and he took advantage of it. He pulled a simple blue v-neck over his torso, followed by a pair of gray skinny. He didn't care if he looked stupid; he was going to have to change, after all. Once he was satisfied that he was modest, he walked out of the closet, making a beeline for the taller boy.

Ian-Alexandre stopped once he was in front of the boy he loved, reaching up to wrap his arms around the other boy's neck. "When do I get the kisses? You promised. More than one." He forced his lips into a pout, leaning up to press their foreheads together. As much as he would have adored the kisses just about then, he wanted an explanation for the clothes just as much. I mean, why wouldn't he? His room looked like Evan's bags had had a war, or something. "But first you have to tell me why you brought so many clothes." He paused and pulled their foreheads apart, wrinkling his nose. "I think I screwed my grammar up, there." He shrugged after a moment, looking back up at Evan. "Whatever. Why are there so many clothes? You don't need that much, do you?" His eyes lit up as a stray thought ran through his mind, and he lifted one hand to trace Evan's bottom lip. "Or do you? Are staying a really long time? Long enough to need all of these?" The hope that had come with that stray thought lit up his entire face, and he was positive that Evan would be able to hear it in his voice. He couldn't help it, really. That was just how he was.

ooc! bah. this post sucks compared to yours. but i just can't make any more come out because i put it off for so long.. but, it's here now, and my next one will be amazing to make up for this ones suck.

hestolemyheartxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx✖✖

[b i z a r r e briefs]

Being gay was something that Evan had never planned to be. It was not as if he woke up one morning and decided that his life would be easier and oh, so much better if he was homosexual. That’s how some people think it is, some people think that people, like Evan, or even Ian-Alexandre change their minds from being straight to go against the people they love or Jesus and God. In reality this isn’t the case. You don’t choose to be gay, straight, pansexual, or even bisexual. You’re born that way, which is something many people are not able to comprehend. The idea that people on the planet like the same sex seems like a curse to them. Like they did something wrong or have to be cured. I guess though that others can see why this is. It makes sense to them. The average IQ is 100. So that’s a good portion of the human race. Which is sad, because this prejudice isn’t even rational, it’s just harsh and mean, and in a way, very useless.

Evan had never wanted to be gay. In his society it was easier if you were like everyone else. It was easier if you got perfect grades and were respective of your elders. And most of the time he was. Of course like anyone Evan had gone through his one stages. From when he was little and loved to paint, to a point which scared his parents, to later on. Later on Evan did quite a few things he regretted. Such as cheating on girlfriends, and pushing up drugs. The cheating, well the only way to explain that was that at that time none of those relationships meant anything. They were all just meaningless sex, and make-out dolls. Which after consulting with his best friend, Phoebe, he realized that he didn’t want to be that person. And when he moved on and stayed single he found himself with the artist crowd. And the artists were a little crazy but he could understand them. They were like him in so many ways. They all knew what it was like to see those pictures in your head. The pictures you so surely wanted to put down somewhere so you could draw it or paint it later. They all knew that feeling that when you looked at someone you could just fall in love with the lines of their face. They knew what it was like to not know what to paint next. They could relate to one another even thought their styles were very different in nature. This time thought Phoebe was a part of the crowd with him. They were all friends, and they’d spend hours in the park of in studios together. Eventually this led to a problem.

Being where he was in the world doing drugs wasn’t something that was looked kindly upon in his society, but it was accepted. With the money and the power that came from their parents, if you had a little bit of drugs you got a slap on the wrist for coming to class high. As long as you could push out a paper and still get those required as you were fine. So when Evan was first offered some her didn’t see any reason to say no, and neither did Phoebe. Eventually things got worse. They tried newer and newer things, and this was long before Evan and Ian started writing. The drugs got stronger and more expensive, but his art, Evan’s art got better and better. The drugs were able to teach him miraculous things. And he took them and used them to his strengths like the rest of his friends. It was only when Belphoebe got hurt that he decided to stop. When she went into her house high, and accidently fell down the stairs he knew that was point the drugs had to stop. Because seeing her in the hospital bed all bruised up, broken, and distraught absolutely killed him. And like that he stopped doing them, cold turkey. Because as soon as her parents found out she was using they tested him, and like everyone else he came up positive. They told him if he got clean nothing bad would happen. So he did, but more for his best friend than anyone else.

No really realized how what a toll seeing his best friend in the world lying in a hospital bed. For what had been his idea in to first place to start it all off. And maybe that was one of the reasons that he didn’t like hospitals. Other than his best friend having been in the hospital his mother was constantly in and out, to a point that he knew the nurses and that when she wasn’t in the hospital the house was turned into a hospital. They had a doctors coming and going, nurses all over the place, the cook, the maids, and people everywhere. This was probably the reason he got his own apartment. It had just seemed so crowded, and noisy. There was no peace, and there was the constant reminder that his mother’s body was deteriorating in the other room. And watching someone get hurt was one thing. But watching a person die, watching as the happiness slowly leaves someone’s eyes, until they shut close and the life leaves, well that was even harder. And he could barely take it. So he’d go to school, and he would come home do homework and see his mother for a few hours before going to his own apartment. Some nights though, when it wasn’t too loud he’d sleep there. He’d let himself forget the situation he was in, and he’d remember Alex, and he’s be happy. Because at that time, when there was nothing else he didn’t have a reason not to be. He had forgotten, even just for a second, all the bad in his life.

He still had scars from the drugs, or what he had done on drugs. They were small, but they were there and if you looked hard enough you could see them. The difference between his scars and Ian-Alexandre’s scars were that he had made his by choice while Alex’s were forced upon him. Evan could look at his scars and still recall the memories, some of them good, and some of them not so good. There was the part of his arm that had the small little white dots of scars from injecting heroin. Others on his back for being to high and falling or getting cigarettes in his back. They were all small and not very noticeable, and this was probably one of the only things he hadn’t told Alex. It was hard to relive those moments and explain why he did it. He had done it because he had wanted to. But he had kept doing it because his art, it changed. It got better and better and he didn’t think he could do it if he was clean. He had spent his whole sophomore year doped up on drugs. He and Phoebe. He had met so many people and he saw what good people they could be which was oddly surprising.

It was surprising because like most people, at first Evan thought that a druggy, a person who used, was nothing more than a loser. That they really had nothing better to do, and in reality a lot of them were just hopeless stupid people. But the people he had met had been different. They mostly had reasons. Conway, a close friend of his now, had being doing drugs because his dad beat the s**t out of his mother for the longest time before the eventually had to call the police when he hit her a little too hard and she actually broke something. Now he was in jail, he had lost any custody, they were divorced, and Conway wasn’t using. His mother was happily back on the social ladder and everything was good. You could still see that look in her eyes when she got scared, or walked home too late at night. It was always like someone was going to jump out to get her. Someone was going to hurt her, and when Evan saw the look the first time he thought it was odd. Because he knew that Conway’s dad was locked in prison and that she wasn’t going to get hurt. But you could still see that plain fear. There were others he knew of, like how someone’s dad was cheating on their mom, or their younger sibling trying to commit suicide so often they were institutionalized. Doing drugs had not only introduced him to a new group of people but new problems and new lifestyles. His life seemed so easy. All he had to worry about was what he was going to wear and getting into college. He didn’t worry about the rent, or saving for that expensive camera. He felt really lucky that those were all of his worries in life. He realized that he could have it so much worse.

So now sitting on the floor of Alex’s bedroom he felt extremely lucky. He had clothes all over the place, and he probably even wouldn’t wear them all. He was happy because he was able to be here sitting in the boy he loved’s room. He got to sit there knowing that not too far away was his love, which he would get to see a lot over the next few days. He didn’t know what he was really doing sitting there on the floor; He had dry cleaning bags all over him with outfits for him, and outfits for himself and for Alexandre. And he realized for the first time in a long time how lucky he was. He knew that generally he was very lucky to be able to live the life he did. He barely worried about anything. Yes there was his mother, but he didn’t worry about where his next meal was coming or where he’d sleep that night. He never had to worry about that. He had a loving family, a boy he loved, and a group of friends that meant the world to him. His life was generally peaceful and very good. Though there had been the time with all the drama it had usually ended up okay, which, in his mind, was all he could ever ask for. So he could easily say that he was happy.

As he sat on the floor he tried to pick out what they were wearing. They were going out to a rehearsal dinner, but at home when this happened he usually ended up wearing a suit, and he had no idea what to wear otherwise. His mind was racing, and it was only due to the decreased amount of thoughts that he notice his boy had come back in. Aw Alex, love of his life. Alex stood in front of him in a towel. He looked so adorable. His hair was in a towel, and he was holding on to the one around his waist as if his life depended on it. His knuckles were white and Evan could tell that he was nervous, self conscious, but he was smiling so he was still happy. That was okay with him. But when he blushed from just standing there, Evan watched it creep up his collarbone. Jesus, I’m so lucky. Evan sat in the mist of garment bags in wait of his boyfriends reply, but he watched as Ian waited for his blush to go away to reply. 'You don't have to leave. My closet is really big, I can change in there." The words made sense but they were weird to Evan. He was okay with them. He had cleaning to do while Ian changed. So he watched as Ian moved over to his closet with a cute half smile on his face. God, he was adorable.

The door clicked shut, and Evan immediately got up. He knew what he wanted them to both wear so he might as well put away the ones he didn’t want to wear. He grabbed the blue and purple garment bags along with two black ones and set them on Alex’s bed putting away the Evan box. Evan wanted to keep it safe. Now to get to the rest of the mess at hand. The rest of the colored garment bags were quickly fit into his suitcase. Though is seemed impossible for anyone to fit that much clothes in the suitcases he brought along with him. He knew that when Ian came out there would be requests of what had happened to is room, why there was so many clothes, but he was just hoping he could get him into them. But then he remembered something. He had that something’s for Harmony. So he went back through the his suitcase pulling out three garment bags, and two other smaller bags and hanging them on the door now all he had to do was wait. Waiting was easy, but waiting with keenness like Evan was, was a bit tougher. Soon enough he came out side in his tight skinny jeans and a simple blue v-neck. He looked even cuter than before. As he walked out of the closet he made a beeline straight from Evan only making the taller boy smile. He wrapped his arms around the boys neck, and in turn Evan wrapped his arms around Ian. It was a sweet pleasing moment, which was quickly broken by a question.

“When do I get the kisses? You promised more than one” Evan watched the boy’s lips turn into a pout as he pressed his forehead against Evans. He wanted to kiss him now. Evan liked him in what he was wearing, and damn, did he look good. And as he had decided to lean in and kiss the boy Ian prompted another question. A question Evan had hoped to avoid. “But first you have to tell me why you brought so many clothes,” Evan felt him move back as he paused after the question before starting up again. “I think I screwed my grammar up, there.” He hadn’t but he wouldn’t comment on it until he was sure Alex was done, that would be easier. And he had a feeling that Alex was nowhere close to done. Of course, he was right. “Whatever. Why are there so many clothes? You don’t need that much, do you?” Oh, not good. Ian had ideas, ideas… not good. Maybe. Evan quickly watched as the boy realized his idea. His face lit up, his eyes getting wider with a glitter of happiness. And he watched the boys hand move up and trace his bottom lip. Which felt good, only making him want to kiss the boy more. More than anything though he was hoping that the boy didn’t have an idea that he would have to say no to and decline. That would be bad. “Or do you? Are you staying a really long time? Long enough to need all of these?” He could hear the hope and the want for this statement to be true in Ian’s voice. Evan really wanted to be able to say that this statement was true just to keep the boy happy. Maybe he’d be able to do that otherwise.

How would he put Ian down gently… He didn’t know. He needed to be able to think quickly and clearly, he needed Alex’s hand off his face to do that. So he slowly, and gently took the boys hand and glided off his face, sliding his fingers in-between the boys before he put his own hand on the boys face. He didn’t looks sad from the outside or that’s what he thought. But he thought of disappointing the boy he loved was horrible. But it was better than lying. Right? “Baby, I brought this many clothes because I always over pack, and because I brought things for you and Harmony.” He took a breath, and put on a small smile. “But I am going to stay as long as I can before classes start again, and as long as my mum’s doing all right. I’m concerned about her though.” He said shaking his head slightly. Ian knew how much he worried about his mother, how sick she had been lately. So maybe he got what Evan had said. “And as long as I’m not imposing,” He knew Alex would insist he wasn’t but that was really up to Mr. and Mrs. Richardson. He didn’t want them to feel like they had to do anything for him because he came, and he didn’t want to feel like he suddenly lived there with his mom sick at home. “Though I really want you to at least try on what I brought. But first want to come with me and drop off the stuff for Harmony? I have no idea where I will be going. And if you do, just guess what I’ll do to you after..” The end of his words were sultry and seductive, as he had leaned in and gotten close to Ian, and whispered them in his ear softly before kissing his cheek, and then his mouth softly. As he did this his brain screamed at him, what if he was making Alex uncomfortable. What if what he was doing triggered another freak out... he couldn’t have that.

“Show me where her room is?” he asked happily a smile coming over his face. “Prreeetty pleeeasse,” As he whined the last part his voice was rather soft, as the taller boy moved and kissed Ian’s neck softly before moving his lips to a differently spot letting his kisses trail around on Ian’s neck and along his exposed collar bone before moving to the boys ear. From his ear Evan’s lips followed around onto the boys jaw. He was so small compared to Evan but Evan had never gotten any higher pleasure than the pleasure he got from kissing Ian-Alexandre. Ian was soft and though the boy was always freakishly cold he still wanted nothing more than the boy just as is. As his kisses led to the boys mouth he kissed the sides teasingly before kissing the boy’s actual mouth. The kiss was long and intense, but still managing to be quite soft and careful. Evan wanted him, but because he wanted all of Ian, everything that was there he had accepted the other facts that came with him. The fact that the boy was very uncomfortable when it came to sex made things harder but it just showed Ian that there was nothing Evan would do to ever hurt him. Evan would wait months or years, if it meant being with the boy. That was all he wanted. He just wanted to be with him, to be able to hold him and to shower the younger inexperienced boy with his skilled mouth. As he broke the kiss he looked at the boy he smiled kissing his nose, he would really need to control himself in front of the boy’s parents. They couldn’t be smooching every five seconds because they couldn’t keep their lips off one another plus it was quite known that Ryan was still a bit of a homophobe.

As he finally pulled back he smiled, “there is no way you’re getting me to not give these clothes to her, even if it is too much, she’s a girl and I understand bedding is great but what is in the garment bags is a lot more fun,” His voice was still quite soft and convincing. He wanted to give these things to the red haired woman and he would not be stopped. It was just better if he had Alex’s okay. He would prefer if he had it more than anything. If he didn’t he would have to sneak them and then deal without it. He leaned in and kissed him softly, before kissing him a few more times with his hands cupped around the boys face. As they kissed the door had been opened and when Evan pulled back he turned his head to see Caleb. The boy looked hurt, very hurt. He looked like he was almost shaking and Evan couldn’t help but feel like he’s done something wrong. Yes, he loved Ian, and he wanted to kiss him. But at the expense of other people’s feelings, he didn’t know if he could do that. So he pulled away from Ian-Alexandre standing so he was facing Caleb, as Caleb spoke. “Everyone should be downstairs in twenty minutes; Julie wanted me to tell everyone.” With that he closed the door and Evan grasped the boys hand since he had let go of him completely when he saw Caleb in the doorway. Was he supposed to feel bad? Like he was a bad person now? He didn’t know. But he was happy; he’d just have to tone it down some. He turned to Alex gently grabbing his hands and pressing his forehead on the boy’s. “Go talk to him, and be nice. Not that you aren’t nice…. You know what I mean.” He paused and pressed his lips against the boy’s forehead. Before cupping his face and looking him in the eyes. “You were going to have to do it sometime. Might as well not make dinner awkward.” There was a slight pause he stopped and then started again.

“I’ll find Harmony’s room so you can get dressed, in your own clothes or in the ones on the bed in the garmet bag that says Ian-Alexandre on it. It’s up to you do what you like, and then you can go talk to Caleb and hopefully prep me for meeting your parents.” He was nervous about the last part. Meeting parent’s was a big thing in his mind. Everyone else that he dated he had known their parents since he was a kid. Well. With the exception of Greg, But Greg was from Brooklyn. His mom was an art dealer, his dad a writer for the New York Times. Greg was different, he had met his parent’s the first day he went out with Greg because he had stopped into his mom’s gallery. But with Alex, he had known him so long, heard about the boy’s parents, but he had never even met them. Even today. He has come in and seen Caleb and Harmony. So to say he was nervous was an understatement. “Because truthfully I’m really nervous.” As he looked at Ian, it showed in his eyes but he kept a small smiles on his face before kissing the boy one last time. He really wanted to twist the ring on his finger. “So shall we?”

ooc - would caleb call her mrs. richarson or julie. i didn't know.
and woot! another post posted.

[B3N3V0L3NTxF4iiRY___xo]

✖✖xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxit'sian-alexandre,love

{ we're so crazy in love }_________________________

Ian would admit it, he had been getting his hopes up quite a bit. Just think! If Evan needed every bit of clothing he brought, then he would be there for months. That would be heaven. He had been so happy just to get a letter every week, but having Evan there, breathing in the same air as him... That was just so much better. And here he'd thought it would be impossible to get better than the letters. They had been what got him through, but now that he knew what it was like to have the boy on the other end of the letters there, they'd never be enough. He'd want the real person there, not just the letters. SO when Evan explained why he'd brought so much clothes, Ian felt his face fall, along with all of his hopes. He knew it had been too good to be true, even while he'd been thinking it. Of course, Evan had classes, he had a sick mom, he had friends back home, he couldn't just up and move to hickabilly central, Montana. That would be asking him to leave everything he knew, and Ian was not for that at all. That would be so selfish, and selfish was something he'd tried his entire life not to be. No, he could do it. He'd gone sixteen years without Evan in his life at all, and he'd gone two with Evan only there through letters, he would be able to deal with the few months it took Evan to graduate and decide if he really wanted to be tied down to a screw-up like he was.

However, the end of Evan's next statement made up for a little bit of the disappointment. The first part... not so much. Ian hated trying clothes on. He'd gone a long time just in hand-me-downs, and then he'd gone a long time just wearing whatever Evan sent him or Dr. Richardson thought would fit. He was just getting used to wearing jeans again after two years in flannel pants, and anything beyond hoodies and tshirts in the top half realm were beyond him. Just imagining what Evan had brought him had him a little bit more than nervous. He was self-conscious, and his boyfriend knew that, and just the thought of how bad it would be if he looked ridiculous in one of the outfits... But he would put up with it. It would make Evan happy, and that's what he wanted. Harmony would love that Evan had brought her clothes, though. She was a girl, and like most girls just thinking about clothes made her happy. So being given what was no doubt good, expensive clothes... she would be over the moon. And plus, the end of the statement just made it all worth it. Even if Alex thought it was too much, he wasn't going to argue, because the promise at the end of his request was wonderful. And when you paired that promise with the kiss that followed... Ian was a happy boy, that was for sure.

If he hadn't said it before, Ian thought it was absolutely adorable when Evan whined. It just seemed so weird coming from someone as big as he was, especially since it seemed to Ian that Evan was in control most of the time. The fact that he whined like a little girl was just adorable. And the fact that almost every time he whined for something he followed it with kisses... Well, that just made it even better. Alex was so unused to physical things that everything was new. It wasn't like he could control his brain and how it tended to turn even the most innocent touch into something evil and make him get so scared he would pass out, but something about Evan just didn't do that to him. Maybe it was because he was so gentle, so careful to be sure he wasn't upsetting Ian in any way. He didn't know, but he knew he loved it. The second his boyfriend's lips stopped moving around and stopped at his mouth, Ian kissed back. How could he not? Even if a part of his mind was paranoid that he was doing it wrong, he really didn't give a damn. It truly was a major shame that humans had to breathe. Nature should have evolved some mechanism that let them breathe through their pores so kisses that perfect never needed to end. But they did need to breathe, and by the time Evan pulled away Alex's lungs were absolutely screaming for air. A huge smile covered his face when he felt the kiss pressed to the end of his nose, and he tightened his grip on Evan's hand.

It was like Evan could read his mind, really it was. Ian had just been thinking about how he was probably going to have to look through what Evan had brought Harmony, and tell him it was too much, and there he was, saying he was going to give it to her no matter what. Harmony would absolutely birth a small bovine when she saw just how much Evan had got her, and honestly, Ian wanted to see it. So, he would let Evan have his fun. But before Alex had a chance to tell his boyfriend he could do whatever he wanted, he was being kissed again, and his world stopped. It reallly was so funny the things Evan could do to him without even trying. His poor heart was going to give out before the night was over if things kept going on like this. All his boyfriend had to do was look at him, and it went into an absolute fit. Kissing Evan just came so naturally, and it was so hard to keep their lips apart, but if it was going to keep doing this to his heart...

Ian-Alexandre knew his friends had horrible timing. It was a well known fact. But Caleb's timing could not have been any worse. I mean, come on Lady Fate! Cut the guy some slack, would you? It would be bad enough walking into a room and seeing the boy you love, say, holding hands with someone else. But mid kiss? That was just downright evil. The fact that Evan had even let go of him completely when Caleb opened the door just showed how much on the same page their minds were, because Ian had been about to pull away. He shouldn't feel guilty for being with the boy he loved, but he did. He felt so bad for Caleb, and he hated that, because he knew how much pity sucked. All Alex could do was stare at Caleb as he spoke, and then sigh when he was pulled back against his boyfriend's chest. Despite how hard he tried to squelch it, a small smile slid onto his face when Evan pressed their foreheads together, though it slid right back off when he told Ian to go fix everything. He didn't want to. Caleb needed to grow a pair and learn to deal with it, for god's sake! The kiss to his forehead wiped all the bad thoughts from his mind, and he nodded. He would fix everything, he always did.

Alex didn't want to leave his room. He was beyond happy just standing there, holding onto the boy he loved, knowing that for a few days, Evan was all his. But he had no choice, really. If Evan had gifts he felt the need to distribute, nothing would stop him. And Ian-Alexandre didn't want the love of his life getting lost his first day in the house. If that meant they had to stop kissing long enough to go to Harmony's room, and long enough for him to get Caleb happy, then so be it, it was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Alex pressed one last, quick kiss to Evan's lips, and then pulled away, twining their fingers together as they made their way out of his room. Prepping for his parents would be easy, and it was Ian's plan to kill two birds with one stone and get him prepped while they walked to Harmony's room. "They're going to love you. Mama already does, so you don't have to worry at all about her. She's going to tell you to call her Julie, but until she tells you directly, call her Mrs. Richardson. She gets a kick out of being able to tell people to call her Julie. It makes her feel motherly, I think." Alex shrugged as he went down the stairs, carefully towing Evan behind him. The last thing they needed was a wreck going down the stairs. No broken bones this week, please. It would suck to have to hobble down the aisle in a cast.

"Dad will be harder, a little bit. He'll make you call him Dr. Richardson all the time. And he will analyze every word you say. I'm not worried about him decided you're not fit to talk to me, or anything, though. You've been writing to me for forever and so far you're the same in person as you were in the letters. He'll see that, and he'll know you're just what I need. And even more than that, he knows you're what I want, and he'll respect that." Alex shot a quick smile at Evan, stopping in front of Harmony's door. He wasn't letting Evan go without another kiss, no sirree. He pressed a quick kiss to Evan's lips, and then smiled, forcing himself to drop his baby's hand. "My biggest advice for Dr. Richardson? Be respectful. Respect is huge with him. And act like you love me." Ian stuck his tongue out at Evan after he said the last bit, pressing one last, quick kiss to his boyfriend's lips. Without taking his eyes off Evan (and not because he didn't want to, but because he couldn't) he rapped his hand on the door, only turning to look at Harmony when the door opened. The first thing he did was laugh. Her hair was half-curled, half still in it's natural pin-straight state. Her makeup was half-on, and if this wasn't just proof the girl had no shame, she answered in her underwear.

"I'm dropping him off. Take good care of him. I expect him back in the same state I'm leaving him." Harmony merely rolled her eyes at Ian, and he took that as a yes. Now, he had to do the next thing Evan had told him to do; make nice with Caleb. It shouldn't be hard, really. Caleb was trying, Ian-Alexandre knew that for a fact. It was just... hard for him to do. Just like it would be hard for any normal human being. God knows Alex would probably be sulking around if he had to watch Evan be all in love with someone else. It just made things hard to do when he had to constantly be making Caleb get out of his emo corner and join the rest of the world. If it was this obnoxious after just a few hours, imagine how annoying it was going to be by the time Evan flew back home. Ian was going to have to give Caleb a lecture about how he was going to have to put on his big boy panties and learn to cope with it. Of course, Alex couldn't give him that lecture just yet, probably. Best to let him get used to the fact that Ian loved Evan, and vice versa, and that no amount of whining and begging and tears were going to change any of that. All whining, and begging, and tears would earn him was a firm smack on the cheek, and probably a shunning on Alex's part. If you couldn't accept Evan, you couldn't accept him, and that was that.

Alex really didn't want to track Caleb down. He was dreading it with every fiber of his being. He loved Caleb, he really did, but it just wasn't the way he wanted Ian to love him. He couldn't change that. The boy he was madly in love with was in Harmony's room just then, showing how wonderful he was to yet another person, and he couldn't help it if it hurt Caleb that he was there. He just knew the second he found Caleb he would be sent on a guilt trip, and he hated that. It wasn't like he had a choice, god damn it! Because, trust me, if he had any control over his heart he wouldn't have fallen for someone as out of his league as Evan was. It was still unreal to him that someone who had so much, someone who could have literally anyone they wanted would pick him. If Ian-Alexandre had had his way, he would've fallen for someone closer to his screwed up level, someone he was sure would never regret being with him, and at this point... Don't get me wrong, he knew Evan would never do anything to hurt him - he'd proven that already - but there was a part of him that was terrified Evan would realize just how much better he could do. He was willing to take that fear, though, because all of the good overpowered it.

Ian wandered around the house, sending up silent prayers that he would find Caleb quickly and get this all over with. Once he found Caleb, he wished he hadn't asked to find him quickly. Caleb had secluded himself in one of the guest rooms, obviously trying to get control of himself before he had to be in public. It almost broke Ian's heart. Caleb was trying so hard, the blonde boy knew that, but hearing the muffled sobs from that room made him want to go in there and start crying with his ex. He hated that he had to do this, but really, what choice did he have? He was going to hurt someone, no matter what road he chose, and seeing as his heart was the one who decided that road, Caleb was stuck hurting. Ian-Alexandre took a deep breath, summoned every ounce of courage in his tiny bottom, and then pushed his way into the room. He wished he had a mind that could find the right words to say, like Harmony, but they weren't coming. Nothing was coming. All he could think was that he was going to be crying soon, and that he needed to try to comfort Caleb. Something would come to him... he hoped. Because, god, he hated seeing anyone like this, especially not someone he cared about, and especially not when he knew he was the cause of the hurt. Damn it, he needed a little Harmony to sit on his shoulder and tell him what he needed to do!

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Ian-Alexandre stood in the doorway and forced himself to breathe for a few moments, before he quietly moved towards the bed Caleb was sobbing on. There was no doubt in his mind the other boy knew he was there, but that didn't phase the tears. Despite how bad his hands were shaking, Alex forced himself to move one onto Caleb's shoulder, and rub. That was all he could do, really. It was awkward, but it was the best he could do. He had no clue how long they were there like that, Caleb sobbing and Alex giving the most pitiful attempt to calm someone down ever, but eventually Caleb's muffled voice broke through the sobs. "I love you. I know you don't want to hear that, but I do. I'm glad you're happy, you have no clue how glad I am about that, but it hurts." Ian-Alexandre winced, and then pulled his hands away from Caleb's shoulder. No use to keep doing something that wasn't helping any. He wished he knew what to say. He would've stressed that he was happy, but he figured that wouldn't help anything. Caleb was miserable, there was no need to shove his happiness in his face.

So he just pulled his knees to his chest, and sat there, forcing his mind to shut down. The sobs were getting to him, and he didn't want to cry, not while Evan was here. This was the time for him to be happy, even if he should have been upset over how upset his friend was. If Alex would have known what Caleb was going to do next, he would have ran. If he had known that he was about to have one of his awful meltdowns, he would have left that room as fast as he could, and got as far away from there as possible. It was innocent on Caleb's part, and Ian-Alexandre knew it, but he really had little control over his mind and his meltdowns. Caleb flipped onto his side, and pulled Alex to his chest, burying his face in the small boy's hair. "I'm so sorry, Remi." It was totally innocent; just a way of calming himself down, but it sent Alex into a flashback, and then a meltdown. He was bleeding, he could feel the blood soaking the carpet he was laying on. There wasn't any pain with it, yet. There was just the knowledge that he was bleeding - that he was bleeding a lot - and the dizziness that was coming with it. He knew if his brother thought he was dead, he would leave, and not wound Alex enough he would actually die, and that was the only thing that kept his eyes shut. But just because he was feigning death, it didn't mean he was dead. He heard the knife hit the floor, a dull thud as the wood handle connected with the carpet. He heard his brother's voice coming in strangled gasps, closer to sobs than breaths. And then he was being pulled against his brother's chest. It was hard to pretend to be limp, lifeless, but he did it well enough that his half-crazed brother bought it. He felt a face bury in his hair, he felt tears make his head wet, and then his brother strangled out three word, "I'm so sorry."

Alex's eye squeezed shut, and he shoved at Caleb's chest with all the strength he wished he'd had that night. The shove scared Caleb enough to let Alex go, and the small blonde scurried away from the other boy, falling off the bed in the process. It hurt, but it didn't slow him down as he ran from the room, sobbing much like Caleb had been. When he got into this state, his mind reverted back to that night. He rewrote that night in his mind. Instead of being the weak, injured Alex of then, he was strong now, he could run like he'd so badly wanted to. He could lash out at his "brother" (who happened to be whoever had sent him into the state). He had a voice he could scream with. He wasn't pretending to be dead, so he could sob. And he did all of them. The sobbing started the second after he shoved Caleb away. The running led him out of the room, down the stairs, and right out the front door. He ran until he tripped in a hole, and fell flat on his face. The second he'd regained his still screwed-up mind from the fall, he curled into the smallest ball he could make himself, and just let himself sob. His sobs were broken by screams, all the things he'd wanted to scream that night but couldn't. How much he hated his brother for doing it, how much it hurt, things like that.

He had no clue how long he laid there and just screamed, but eventually the cold broke into his frantic mind, and reminded him where he was. That didn't mean he moved, mind you. It just snapped enough sense into him that he knew the screaming was useless, that he was having a flashback. The screams stopped - the sobs didn't. He didn't think they'd be able to. He hated the meltdowns. Hated them. He felt so awful that he was as insane as he was, he hated that he snapped at whoever it was that had thrown him into the fit in the first place. He hated that he never knew when they would come, so he couldn't stop them from happening. He hated that he thought whoever had sent him into the flashback was his brother, and hated that for a split second, he honestly felt hatred towards whoever it was. He hated that this one had happened at the worst time, and directed at the worst person. Caleb needed him to be strong. Caleb needed him to prove that just because he couldn't love the older boy like he wanted, they could still be friends. Shoving them, screaming at them, and then running away from them didn't prove anything except that you belong back in the loony bin. And then it broke through that Evan would know. Evan probably heard all of it, saw most of it. What would he think? Would he realize just how out of his mind Ian-Alexandre was, and would he want to get out before they got any closer? Would he leave? The thoughts made the sobs come harder. If Evan had a shred of common sense, he would leave, and Alex knew that. It terrified him.

hestolemyheartxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx✖✖

[b i z a r r e briefs]

Nervous. Nervous wasn’t even close to what Evan really was feeling on the inside. On the inside his stomach had lost its place inside his body and it was swimming. He felt uneasy, he was edgy, he was all over his mind. There was nothing focused about what was going on in his head. He had never before felt so… felt so tense. Maybe when his mother had told him that she was sick, but back then he had been more sad if anything, more worried. Now it was all on if the family liked him. Sure he could buy them gifts he could be charming, Alex could loved him (which was all that really matter), but without the family’s approval something inside him felt wrong. He went without the approval for Greg, he hadn’t cared then. But for some reason he cared now, more than anything he cared. It wasn’t sneaking around, it was out in the open and that was what really made him panic. Ian couldn’t see it though, not yet at least, he was usually pretty in control of his emotions on the outside to say the least. As he walked out of the room with Ian he couldn’t help but think of Caleb. How much it must have hurt to see him here, with the boy he loved. Evan himself had experienced a bad break up or two and he could always remember the aching, splitting pain he got when he had looked at an ex with another lover. The thought that had passed through his brain at that time had never been pleasant. He had never expected them to. The pain would hit like a ton of bricks, bricks that wouldn’t let him up; that kept him pressed so firmly to the past, unable to move forward.


So when he saw Caleb in the doorway he could only imagine what had hit him then. He hand Alex had been mid kiss. Mid-kiss. That wasn’t holding hands or smiling to each other across the dinner table. Anyone could do those things, kissing was different. Kissing was intimate and no matter how much the person meant to you when you let someone kiss you, you were sharing something. Whether it was pleasure, love or even desperation. You are letting someone touch a small bit of yourself when you kissed someone. And yes that sounded cheesy, like it was out of some horrible girl movie, and you could deny it, but the people who you often let kiss you got to know that small part of yourself. Maybe the part you his from everyone else, or the part that was still searching for someone, something, but a part that people obviously didn’t share in first greetings. It was defining; Caleb had walked in on it all. The pangs of guilt that he felt were feelings that were unnecessary but also very real. And he felt better when he felt Ian Alexandre move away from him. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to feel like that when his boyfriend moved away but it was reassuring in a sense that they were on the same page. It was nice to know that he and his boyfriend at least had the same ideas about things. That after all this time, and all these letters they were able to connect outside of the letters. That had been one thing Evan had been afraid of when he sat on his plan only this morning. He was worried that somehow Ian wouldn’t be excited, and that someone would hate him. He had not had good thoughts coming to Alex’s home.


Alex was his boyfriend. That was something, well one of the things Evan still couldn’t get over. He belonged to someone again, and it wasn’t just for kicks. He and Alex were serious, and every part of him wanted to spend the rest of his life with the other boy. This was both scary and wonderful for Evan. He was a man of nineteen and he had already found his soul mate. He knew who he wanted by his side for the rest of his life, and all he had to find out now was what he wanted to do. And in a sense that was comforting. Most of his friends knew what they wanted to do with their lives. Edlyn wanted to be a chef, while still managing her mother and fathers’ extensive lists of hotels. Phoebe was already doing what she wanted to do, she was being the photographer she had aspired to become since she was fifteen. She was taking artistic n***s, and taking erotic shots, that some idiots viewed as porn. She was still painting and drawing but she had found what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. Of course she had her parents obligations, and he parents dreams for her but it was nothing she thought she couldn’t handle. When Evan looked at the future on the other hand his future wasn’t as clear. The one thing that was clear now was Ian-Alexandre. Other things like his mother’s life, and what would happen after were more than foggy. He didn’t like to think about it though. His mom was a touchy subject with him. She had been in and out of the hospital since he was sixteen, and since his sister was thirteen. But for some reason she had always seemed so sure she’d make it.


And a few times she did, but this time seemed like the last time. This sickness was something Evan could feel would kill her and he only hoped that he’d be there to say goodbye, to look her in the eyes and say he loved her. To tell her what a wonderful mother she had been, and to get that reassurance that he’d be alright. This was exactly what he had done before coming to see Ian-Alexandre. He had made a finally goodbye, making sure that she knew everything he wanted to say before she died. His whole family, most of his friends with the exception of his mother and phoebe thought this was entirely unnecessary but they weren’t him and it was his life. That was how he saw it. He walked down the stairs nervous. He hoped Ian didn’t notice, but he guessed he didn’t. Ian was holding onto the hand with his ring so he couldn’t twist it endlessly around his finger, so he just tired to focus, which was easier than expected. He could focus on Ian’s voice which was pretty and easy to listen to. He was explaining how everything would be fine. How they would love him. But nothing was guaranteed. Nothing was for certain. Evan understood that. Evan understood the fact that one day it’s happened unexpectedly, and he wouldn’t know where it was coming from. But his mind screamed for him to focus. To give his well deserved attention to the boy he loved so completely. To the boy he desired to fully. To his Alex. So he shoved the thoughts of weakness, of failure, he shoved his nerves far, far, away and opened his ears. Letting the boys voice sink into his mind.


"They're going to love you. Mama already does, so you don't have to worry at all about her. She's going to tell you to call her Julie, but until she tells you directly, call her Mrs. Richardson. She gets a kick out of being able to tell people to call her Julie. It makes her feel motherly, I think." His voice was happy and positive. He seemed sure and completely certain. Something Evan was not, but something he could definitely fake if need be. The clothes weighed heavily on his arm, but he didn’t complain. He was excited for Harmony to see everything, and finally have some bonding time with the girl he had made this plans with for a long while now. In their recent meetings Harmony had seemed wired, but like the best friend he knew a girl could be. She seemed protective, and he understood why. She had every right to, every best friend did. Just like every parent had the right to be protective. So Ian continued about his family. The fact that Ian now had a loving family was a fact alone that made him smile. "Dad will be harder, a little bit. He'll make you call him Dr. Richardson all the time. And he will analyze every word you say. I'm not worried about him decided you're not fit to talk to me, or anything, though. You've been writing to me for forever and so far you're the same in person as you were in the letters. He'll see that, and he'll know you're just what I need. And even more than that, he knows you're what I want, and he'll respect that." He knew Dr. Richardson would be harder. He was a doctor, he should be harder in that sense at least. And the fact alone that he was a psychiatrist should have made it clear that it was going to be harder with him. But what even did have going was that he was that same person in the letters. And hopefully he was the one Alex wanted.


He felt a quick kiss press onto his lips and he quickly kissed back, smiling. He was happy that Ian felt comfortable enough to kiss him because he wanted to. To hold Evan’s hand if he wanted to. He was just happy that Ian-Alexandre didn’t mind touching him. He felt his hand be dropped out of Ian’s hand and he frowned. He liked touching Ian, but he knew what he had to do now. Thank god he was liked by the female population. "My biggest advice for Dr. Richardson? Be respectful. Respect is huge with him. And act like you love me." This comment put the smile back on Evan’s face as he looked at the boy smiling widely. “Well that should be easy, because I love you more than anything.” His comment was soft and cute, and he managed to get a kiss on the boys head before he watched as the boy knocked on the door only to be answered by a half naked Harmony. Her hair was half curled, giving her the look like she was being rushed, and with her half naked body it was clear to him that she didn’t know what she was wearing, thankfully he could fix that problem. "I'm dropping him off. Take good care of him. I expect him back in the same state I'm leaving him." He smiled at the boy before walking in after Harmony, now noticing the three people standing around the room other than Harmony. One girl looked a lot like her, and he decided that was Melody, but otherwise he had no idea who the other girls were, and for the longest time he stood in front of the closed door in silence. He looked around the room quickly before letting his eyes connect with a glare he had seen before. Only once before from Phoebe talking to Greg. It clearly read, ‘You mess him up, you hurt him, if he’s damaged in any way you will lose your favorite appendage,’ and all Even could do to that was nod.


The glare came at a constant rate until the silence quickly became uncomfortable. “So I’m Evan, and I’m the winger guardian of the hour.” Evan put a smile back on his face, and looked around now at the room, filled with amused women. It was time to get to what he was almost best at, getting a girl ready. “Where should I put these?” he said motioning to the multitude of bags hanging over his shoulder. There were the garment bags, and then the two purse bags and man were they heavy, but when Harmony noticed what he was actually holding, her whole demeanor changed. It was like a strict mother turning into a happy child watching Harmony’s face change. She looked like she was almost going to jump up and down and she came over smiling widely leading him by the elbow towards the only small bed in the room. As they walked the girls came closer and Harmony decided to introduce everyone. “Evan this is Melody, my sister, and these are my close friends Sarai and Heather.” She said pointing to them before looking back up into Evan’s eyes, and asking another question. “Can you just spread them out on the bed and explain what you brought?” She asked excitedly. She wasn’t the only one out of the group who shared this same opinion though. They all seemed intrigued as to what was in the many bags he was now putting on the bed for all to see. He spread them out quickly four out of the five garment bags blue, one holding a dark purple for a color, and little did they know but this meant something. They would soon find that out. And as he stood up after placing things down they had formed a small circle around the garment bags, and for once he felt calm. He didn’t feel afraid of what was to come but excited in a sense.


“The blue bags are clothes that both Phoebe and myself chose, and the purple bag has things that will make Ryan not want to make you leave the bedroom on your honeymoon so don’t open it.” Don’t open it. He might as well have said push the big red button and let the bomb explode because before he knew it Harmony’s delicate hands were opening the bag, and oh the mental images he got. She opened the bag and all he could think of was Phoebe. She was a little bit too lingerie crazy. There were pieces in the bag that he had never wanted to know existed. Mostly there was lace, delicate but beautiful pieces of underwear, but there were still the odd things only Phoebe would stick inside. Like and encasement tube, leather underwear, rubber underwear, spandex. Every odd thing you could think of to wear for sex except for the condoms was in the bag. Now for the longest while they just went through that bag, but slowly but surely they moved through them one by one until Harmony was sitting in a chair and Evan was curling her hair with her makeup done. The other bridesmaids were slipping into clothes, and Harmony was sitting dressed talking, and reminiscing with Evan telling him stories about Alex, and Evan couldn’t help but feel accomplished. Harmony was sitting in the chair in new underwear, with a pair of black stockings, and a classic but beautiful forest green dress covering her body. He had tried to convince her to wear heels but she had chosen the black sequined flats instead. It worked though. She would pull on a black trench coat, and a dark blue scarf, with black gloves, and she’d be set.


It was all going well, the bridesmaids loved him, and if he had the women on his side what could go wrong. But as these pleasant and rather nice thoughts were going through his calm head something interrupted him. Something that would make him want to drop the curling iron in his hand on Harmony’s head. He heard a scream, not just any scream but Alex’s scream. This scream would wrack his mind in mere seconds, and he would hand the curling iron off to melody in a panic before looking Harmony in her own panicked eyes his voice dead serious, “Find Dr. Richardson.” Those were the last words Evan spoke before running out. There was something wrong, and he knew he was right even more so when he saw Alex running out the door, and it didn’t occur to him then, but seconds after his long legs carried him out the door he would realize what this was. Alex was having an episode. The letter with Ian’s story quickly came to mind and he could only imagine the horror Alex was experiencing. Alex had ran far away from the house, and fallen. Evan had been standing there in the slow to watch, and decided to walk slowly over. Sure it might have seemed like the right thing to do to run over, but he knew better. He knew Alex would be disoriented and scared, and running up to him wouldn’t help anyone or anything so he walked. His head swirling with worry. If he had thought he was nervous for meeting his parents this was nothing close to what he was feeling now. He felt as if his head had fallen off his body, and as if he had been split in two, one half in pain the other watching as an innocent bystander.


It was a few minutes before Evan reached Ian, and by that time the creaming had stopped. It had stopped when he was halfway there and now there was only sobbing. Evan was freezing, and shaking, as he had forgotten that he was half naked when he had left Ian’s room. He didn’t care though, his fear for Ian was increased and when he finally reached him he quickly sat down next to him his voice soft and reassuring. “Ian-Alexandre, love, its Evan. I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe.” His voice was just loud enough for Alex to hear him but he was quite sure that Ian needed another minute before he’d actually be comfortable with touching. “It’s Evan, Alex. No one bad. I’m going to place my hand on your back. I’m not going to hurt you,” This was how it went for five or six minutes until Alex was un in Evan’s strong arms. His mind was still racing, and Ian was shivering like a mad man, but he couldn’t help but feel relief that Ian was okay with Evan holding him tightly. “Let’s take you home Ian.” Evan’s voice was soft and loving as he walked back to the house with the small shivering boy in his arms. He walked quickly, Ian’s small body against his chest, and though his eyes were closed in a sleep state Evan could feel his deep breaths each timed he breathed as he moved towards the house. Evan entered the house only to find everyone in the entry way. But Evan could feel, that Ian was not meant to be there. Caleb was crying with Harmony, Mrs. Richardson looked concerned, and so did Ryan and Mr. Richardson. Evan didn’t stop though. The tall blond walked up the stairs cold and shivering madly heading towards Ian’s room.


He entered the boy’s room just as cold as he had entered the house. He was scared, cold, panicked, and there was no way he was letting Alex out of his site. He brought the younger boy to his bed placing his exhausted body on the bed watching as his wet clothing quickly started blotting the sheets. He was breathing better, but he was going to freeze if he didn’t change clothes and Evan’s mind wasn’t really up to guessing where Ian’s clothes were so he headed to his own bag. He pulled how two pairs of sweats, finding a clear pair of Alex’s atop a dresser, along with socks, one of Evan’s long sleeve shirts, and a sweat shirt before walking over to the bed and doing something he wasn’t entirely sure if Ian would be comfortable with, but he did it anyways. Slowly but surely Evan peeled off Ian’s wet clothing. Replacing it with mostly his own, and one of Ian’s own pairs of sweats. By the time he was done he looked a lot thicker, and seemed a lot warmer which had been the goal but Evan couldn’t get the scars out of his mind. He pulled the wet clothes off the bed, getting Ian tucked into the comforter and sheets already provided finding more blankets under the bed and adding them. One by one Ian looked more and more like a bug within a cocoon but the more he did the warmer he knew Ian was feeling. After folding the wet clothes and placing them on the side, finishing with the blankets, and putting on new clothes himself he moved onto Alex’s bed next to him. He ran a small hand through the boys hair and just stared. He was scared, he was worried. And he had no idea what to do when a knock on the door came, at the same moment when a pair of lucid eyes looked up at him.

[B3N3V0L3NTxF4iiRY___xo]

✖✖xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxit'sian-alexandre,love

{ we're so crazy in love }_________________________

His brain might have been beyond muddled just then, but he should have known better than to run outside. Outside was cold. Outside had snow. Outside had ice. Outside was a bad place to be running when you had all the grace of a newborn giraffe, especially when outside had ice and snow. Even his freaked out, episode crazed mind should have processed that hey, maybe going outside was a bad idea. Especially without a jacket. But outside was safest. Outside was away from people. Outside was where he would have gone that day if he'd been able to. Outside was different from inside. Anyone could be outside, but only people you wanted inside could be inside. And Alex had been trapped inside for so long, so so long, that outside seemed safer. No one in their right mind would hurt you outside because anyone could walk by outside and see it happen. Even though every feeling he had towards outside was positive, he still should have known that he would end up face down in the dirt; freezing cold and soaking wet. God, if he had said that out loud, Dr Richardson would have had a heyday and gone on and on about how that could be such a metaphor of life.

His mind was going insane. A part of him knew where he was, that he was safe on the Richardson farm, that he was a long way away from the little house he'd grown up in, that his brother was in a cemetery a long ways away, but that part was tiny and quiet compared to the part that was still reliving the past. It was like his mind was rewriting the memory. Instead of being raped and stabbed, he'd been able to get outside, to get to safety. That was the part he secretly like about his little episodes. For a few minutes, it was like he'd gotten away, like he'd been able to escape before anything life changing could happen to him. For a few minutes, his mind told the Ian in the state he'd been in that day that he was going to be fine. That he was going to get help, that his dad would get to a hospital before he would bleed out, that his brother would be put behind bars for attempted murder, that his dad's near-death experience would prompt him to accept Alex for who he was and allow him out of his room... It was so weird, that even through those moments where his mind was happily thinking he was okay, his fear of touch was at it's worst. Because even though his brain was convinced he'd got away, there still was that part that knew what had really happened, and that part of him was still reeling from reliving all of the bad memories. It was so confusing to him, and it was his own brain. Imagine how bad it would be to try to explain it to someone else?

Alex was completely aware when Evan showed up, he just didn't show up. He couldn't tell if his shivering was fromt he wet and cold or it was still from how his emotions were running wild. The small part of his mind that was in the present was screaming at him to get up and go over to Evan, to reassure him that everything was okay, but the other part overpowered that desire. He heard Evan when he spoke again and just like before, even though he processed what was said, it meant nothing to his brain just then. The hand on his back snapped him back into reality. Even though he knew who it was, and that he was safe, he still jerked away, and hissed. It took a moment, but he calmed down. It was just Evan, Evan wouldn't hurt him, Evan loved him, he loved Evan... he was safe. It felt like it took an eternity for Evan to have him picked up, but every second had been necessary. It was exhausting shoving back fears, especially when they were at their worst, and that was what Ian-Alexandre had just did. He would admit that it was nice to feel the warmth radiating off of Evan, but that didn't make him any more comfortable with the fact that he was being touched just then. Because as calm as his outsides might have seemed, his insides were reeling, screaming at him to somehow jerk away and run, to go hide. He knew better, though. His mind was slowly, and I mean slowly coming back into reality, and the tiny portion that was there was reminding him that he wanted Evan to be there forever and running away when he was only trying to help wouldn't accomplish anything.

Ian-Alexandre kept his eyes closed. That was best, he decided. That way it wasn't so much like he was being held, it was more like there were blankets. It was so much more like blankets, the he didn't even realize when he was on his bed. He just barely realized his clothes were being changed. Because god knows if he'd been conscious enough that would have never happened. Having Evan see him just in the towel from a pretty good distance had been unnerving enough, but up close where he would be able to see the scars.... Yeah, no. Ian-Alexandre didn't want that at all. That was for later, when he had got rid of any doubt that Evan would ever want to leave. He noticed getting warmer, and warmer, and drier, and drier, but that was it. it never clicked in his mind that Evan had changed his clothes, that Evan was covering him up, he just knew it happened. That was really very unnerving, knowing something was happening but not knowing how. His brain snapped back into place just a little bit more when he felt the weight on the bed shift, and then a hand running through his hair. He wasn't there all the way yet, he was just one step closer to being there. He was aware enough now to realize he was in his room, and that Evan was there with him, and for him to realize that he'd freaked out on Caleb... again. Why did he only flip out when Caleb was the one behind it?

The knock on the door slammed him the rest of the way into reality.

Ian-Alexandre turned his blue eyes to Evan's, and immediately winced. Evan was only there a day, and he'd had to see an episode. If he was sane, he would be on the first plane headed for New York. But no, instead he was laying there, looking worried. If Alex hadn't already been head over heels, madly in love with that boy, this would have been enough to push him there. Ian-Alexandre sighed when he heard the door open, never peeling his eyes from Evan's. He knew who was here, he knew what was going to happen, and he'd be damned if he was going to let Dr Richardson read his mind like he usually did. "Do you want to do this with Evan in here?" Perfectly logical question. Trust Dr Richardson to think of getting the simple things out of the way first. "I need him here. He needs to know what he's got himself into." He heard Dr Richardson grunt, a sure sign he was thinking. "You let him carry you in. You usually don't let anyone touch you when you're having an episode. Why was it different this time?" Alex felt a tiny smile creep onto his face for just a moment. "Evan won't hurt me." Apparently that was good enough for Dr Richardson, because he moved on. "Tell me everything that happened. Caleb told me, but I need to know your side so I can help you."

"Caleb was crying. I felt bad. So I patted his shoulder, and then he said something really cheesy that I can't remember, but I remember it was sad and made me feel worse. So I curled into a little ball like I always do." This was probably awkward for Evan, considering that the taller boy was blocking Ian-Alexandre's view of Dr Richardson, but whatever. Alex kept eye contact with Evan the entire time he was talking, despite how hard it was for him. He needed to at least act like he was fine with who he was, no matter how messed up he truly was. These were all things Evan was going to hear sooner or later. "I don't like it when he cries. It's sad. I tried to shut my mind down so I could ignore them, but then he was hugging me. He said that he was sorry. He knows better than to say that. He knows better." Alex wrinkled his nose, and huffed a sigh. It was true, Caleb knew better than to say he was sorry, and definitely not while he was touching Alex. Touching was bad enough in and of itself, and so was apologizing, and when you put the two together... Well, you saw how it ended. That was part of the reason Ian-Alexandre hated being pitied so much. When people pitied him, they apologized like they could have done something to change what had happened to him, which drove him crazy, but it was also one of the things his brother had said the most that night, so it was an instant trip to somewhere he never wanted to be again. Caleb knew that, Alex had told him that a million times. Every single time anyone said those horrible two words, Alex explained why they should never say them again.

But did Caleb listen, oh hell no.

"Why do you think it bothers you so much when Caleb says it? It seems like it bothers you more when he says it than anyone else." Ian-Alexandre twisted his lip ring for a moment, and then nodded once, confirming his thoughts to himself. "He sounds like my brother. If I had my eyes closed, and he talked to me, I would think it was Ell talking to me." Ian-Alexandre knew what was coming now. Dr. Richardson would sit there and chew on his lip while he thought and analyzed and decided which question would be most effective. Ian-Alexandre would sit there and twist his lip ring back and forth, and silently urge Dr. Richardson to hurry up, because every second he was left being forced to think about these things, the more upset he'd get. So, he was going to talk, and not give a damn how Dr. Richardson felt about having his train of thought interrupted. "I mean, it's not just his voice. It's his everything. Well, except his personality. But like, everything else... It's like Elliot climbed out of his grave, went back in time like what, eight years, and then is here. And well, died his hair, and got his lip pierced. But whatever. Caleb's the same size, and his face is kind of the same, and his voice is identical. So any time he says anything that Elliot said that night my brain just gets fried." Okay, so the eye contact thing failed about halfway through that. It was starting to make him nervous, to be honest. He wanted Evan to be in there for all of this, just so he knew what he was getting himself into, but still.

So, Ian-Alexandre moved once he finished speaking, so that his face was buried in Evan's chest. Hopefully he was able to talk loud enough for Dr. Richardson to hear him. "Why do you think you react like you do?" Damn, way to make him have to think. Alex squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, forcing himself to think back to earlier, to why he'd blown up. He knew why, he just didn't think he could explain it very well. "Elliot had a knife, he was bigger than me, he told me if I tried to get away he would hurt me. But Caleb didn't have a knife, and even though he was bigger than me, I could get away from him. My mind like went back in time to that night. Caleb wasn't Caleb anymore, he was Elliot. Elliot without a knife and scary threats. It's like I'm able to relive that night, only I have control of it now, and I can make it end like I wanted to, with me getting away." That had all come out better than he'd expected it to. He'd expected stuttering, confusion. But that had been... easy. Maybe that was a breakthrough. He'd tried explaining it to Dr. Richardson before, and all he'd ever been able to get out was that he had to react like he did. He was hoping that Dr Richrdson would say something important then, something about how they'd just had a breakthrough and how he should be proud and how later he would explain what all of it meant, but all he got was a subdued, "I think that's enough for today. We still have a rehearsal dinner to get ready for."

And then he was gone.

Ian-Alexandre didn't know what to say. Part of him wanted to express just how surprised he was that Evan hadn't gone running off when he'd heard the episode. (Or saw it - Ian really didn't know how much of it Evan had seen/heard.) Part of him just wanted to lay there and be happy that Evan hadn't run off. Part of him was pissed at himself for even thinking that Evan would want to leave over something as silly as an episode like this. Part of him said it was completely logical and that he should worry more about stuff like that. Part of him wanted to run down those stairs and apologize to Caleb. Part of him told him to avoid the other boy at all costs. Part of him wanted to apologize to Harmony for ruining her rehearsal dinner. Part of him told him it wasn't his fault his brain was ******** up. Part of him wanted to sleep. Part of him screamed he needed to be looking for his hair straightener, for his glasses because his contacts were bothering him from the tears. Part of him was screaming at him for having these mental battles with himself. Part of him told himself it was okay, that mental battles came with the territory of being insane. And there was a part of him that reminded him Evan was there, and was probably waiting for him to speak. He had to speak, had to say something. What, he didn't know. Anything would work.But honestly, what could he say? Evan had just had the great privilege of sitting in on a post-episode psychiatric session, what else could he say? He knew everything Ian-Alexandre had the ability to explain about what had happened, what more could he possibly say? There was no way he'd be able to convince Evan of his sanity now, he'd just seen every last shred of it thrown out the window.

So he just laid there. He laid there and thought about how goddamn lucky he was. The most amazing boy on earth loved him, loved him enough that he had just witnessed a mental breakdown, and a psychiatric evaluation without running off. The most amazing boy on earth had seen his scars and not been absolutely repulsed. That was such a huge fear for Ian-Alexandre, though he'd never admit it. Even though he'd doubted he would ever find anyone until Evan came along, he'd been terrified he would finally get over his fears - that he would finally be comfortable enough with someone to actually want to be physical with them - and they'd see his scars and be utterly repulsed. They were ugly, he should know that better than anyone. Ian-Alexandre took a deep breath, and then wrapped his arms around the taller boy's waist, burying his face deeper into his boyfriend's chest. He would think of something to say... eventually. But right now he just needed to lay there and feel safe, to lay there and know that even though he was ******** up in the head, someone cared enough not to run. That was a huge relief to Ian. He'd been so scared that Evan would see one sign of his mental issues, realize that he'd gotten into something stupid, and leave. But now... Now he knew that he had been an idiot for being scared of that, and for once he was happy to be wrong. He had so much more than he had ever hoped for, and all of it was wrapped up in the bundle that was Evan Laodire.

"How did things go with Harmony?"

hestolemyheartxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx✖✖

[b i z a r r e briefs]

When Ian-Aleixandre’s blue eyes connected with his he almost felt a sigh of relief come on. His boy was okay. His boyfriend wasn’t screaming anymore, or sobbing but staring almost normally into his own eyes. Today had been every bit as wonderful as he thought it could have been and every bit as horrible as it could have been. He had come to see the boy he loved. The boy who loved him back and he had found out exactly that. He had kissed him today, oh so many times. Oh how wonderful those kissed had been. And then the pure fact that Alex was his, that he had accepted the promise ring. Alex was his for a good long time. And all of that had been great. All of that had made him so extremely happy. But out of everything all of that had happened, out of all the great happiness that he had held onto it seemed as if it had all come shattering down when he saw Alex laying in the snow sobbing. He had felt his body literally break as he stood there, it was happening. Like it h ad happened before. And he didn’t know why. He was so confused as to why Ian was even out there. Why it had happened, and if someone had caused it who? All these questions had been swirling through his mind as he had first stopped to see what had happened to Ian-Alexandre. The boy he loved. All of these crazy messed up thoughts. But he had been able to take the boy up into his arms. He had been able to hold him, so tightly. The boy at first touch had shied away and hissed, but he seemed to be fine when Evan had picked him up.

So laying there with the bundle called Alex in his arms, he felt better. He felt as if in some manner, at least now he could look after him. He could make sure all went all right, and that Ian-Alexandre stayed that way. But as he thought this he couldn’t help but think of his mother. That’s exactly who he sounded like, and Alex wasn’t his child but his boyfriend. So in some ways he could think of him with those thought but with others he needed to consider that small fact. That Ian-Alexandre was not his son, but his boyfriend. Therefore allowed to have more of his own freedom. God knows now that he lived with Mr. and Mrs. Richardson, he had parents now; he didn’t need his boyfriend acting like one. So Evan just laid there. As he looked into his boyfriend’s eyes, not knowing what the knock meant, my mind jumping to the conclusion that it was Dr. Richardson. And when I heard his voice Evan could tell it was his. His voice was old and wise, and concerned for the most part. He was the man Evan had been hearing about for ages. The man who Alex seemed to think he owed a large amount of his sanity to. Evan didn’t understand what exactly he thought this but it was something that Alexandre thought. All he could know was that Ian-Alexandre had gotten better with the help of Dr. Richardson. That’s all he could really attribute any of the thanks Ian felt for Dr. Richardson. Evan himself was thankful to the man merely because he had taken Alex in. He had been there when Ian had needed someone most. He had supported him, forced him to become part of a community again and to trust again.

He had done so much for the boy he loved. In reality, everyone Ian had gotten to know had been a help in this. They had all helped him. Sure, he had, had two episodes with Caleb. But Caleb showed him that he could still be loved. That somehow he was still allowed to be a part of something, even though he had been through hell. Evan couldn’t help but lay there and feel a large amount of gratitude towards all the people in this house. They had made Ian, the person who was laying by him today. Episode or no episode, either way Evan loved him. Dr. Richardson’s voice came clearly after he walked into the room finding a chair to sit in, and as much as Evan didn’t want to leave him Evan knew Evan would if one of them requested Evan did, but until then Evan laid quietly next to him holding him quite tightly as Evan did so. Evan was not letting him go. "Do you want to do this with Evan in here?" It was a perfectly logical question. Ian had only actually met Evan for a day, and there some part of him that almost expected to be kicked out of the room. He waited on Ian’s response, looking quietly into his eyes. "I need him here. He needs to know what he's got himself into." A grunt came from Dr. Richardson, and Evan looked at him intently the thoughts blowing around in his head just after they had settled so peacefully. Alex talked as if Evan had gotten himself into something bad. As if what he had done was almost a problem of sort. He didn’t see it that way though, and he really hoped that Ian didn’t. Evan loved the boy, there was nothing he wouldn’t do for him.

“You let him carry you in. You usually don't let anyone touch you when you're having an episode. Why was it different this time?" This question sparked Evan’s attention and he went back to focusing. He kept his eye contact with Ian, focusing this time and not blurring out into space. "Evan won't hurt me." He watched as the boy let a small smile careen onto his features as he looked up at the larger boy. As quickly as the smile had come it disappear. Leaving an only black look on the face of the blonde boy next to him. "Tell me everything that happened. Caleb told me, but I need to know your side so I can help you." Dr. Richardson so far had lived up to everything Ian had ever said about him in just a few words. He was kind, nice , caring. He was a good man. This proof, these thoughts made it all the more evident that Alex was in good hands. As he listened he felt himself becoming ever more thankful that this man had come into Ian’s life. A life that had definitely needed someone good in it. And he had brought so much more than just that. "Caleb was crying. I felt bad. So I patted his shoulder, and then he said something really cheesy that I can't remember, but I remember it was sad and made me feel worse. So I curled into a little ball like I always do." The conversation continued, and Evan kept looking into the eyes of the boy he loved. It was odd in a small way, that he was looking at Alex and yet he was talking to Dr. Richardson but Evan didn’t have a problem with it. He would rather be here than basically anywhere else.

New York was lovely, Evan would admit to that, but he loved being with Ian. Yes his home was miles and miles away but he would go back there soon. Then again Ian wouldn’t be with him so It was almost a downer going home. But he had days until then. Days upon days until he would have to go check up on his mom, and go back to college. He had to go back and take classes, and maybe, just maybe once Ian finished school he could come take him with him. Then again. Ian’s home was with the Richardson’s. He had Ryan and Harmony, and the twins who were now his siblings. He had a life here, and he couldn’t take that away from Ian. He couldn’t take away everything the Richardson’s had help him build. Starting a new life with him would be hard. Evan had a lot of friends, and was independent. He had plans most nights, and Ian wouldn’t have that. Ian was broken still, meeting new people, trusting a new person, that wasn’t something that was going to happen oh so easily. It seemed like When he left it’d be back to letters, to phone calls. They would be taking a step backwards and go back to the place before they had met. When he had fought being in love with Ian, when he could only wish he was with him. And sure. There was the option of get a house. And instead of college paint all day, leave his friends, and just go, be with the one he loved. And as much has he wanted to, as much as he liked that idea. He just couldn’t.. The only way he could think of making it work was spending his weekends with Ian, and flying him out one weekend. He’d have to resort to using the jet a lot more frequently than his father liked.

He could only hope he would understand like his mother understood. He had time though. That was the only thing keeping him from stress. He stared into the boys eyes. He had been for such a long time now. He had been listening to their conversation, staring at Alex, just thinking, just listening. One point stood out, and it was after he had talking about Caleb, and he finally got to the point where he talked about that night. "Elliot had a knife, he was bigger than me, he told me if I tried to get away he would hurt me. But Caleb didn't have a knife, and even though he was bigger than me, I could get away from him. My mind like went back in time to that night. Caleb wasn't Caleb anymore, he was Elliot. Elliot without a knife and scary threats. It's like I'm able to relive that night, only I have control of it now, and I can make it end like I wanted to, with me getting away." It was weird. Sitting in on this session, getting in to Ian’s head, it really was letting him realize what he had really had gotten himself into. He wasn’t sure if he should have been scared, but he wasn’t. He had never been scared of what might happen with Alex, yes had been nervous of what might happen, with the ring and all. He had been nervous telling him he loved him. But ever since that he was committed. Sure, he had gotten into a relationship with someone who had a past, we all had a past. And being with someone meant being with actually being with someone. Taking them for all of them. Every part of who they were. So sitting there for Ian-Alexandre was just a part of all of it.

Eventually, actually quite quickly after the words came from Ian-Aleixandre’s mouth Dr. Richardson left. The conversation was over, and it seemed like Ian had come to some clarity in all of the chaos that had just happened. Plus, it was Harmony’s night. It was he night to shine. So Dr. Richardson was going to let that happen. He was going to let it be his son and his daughter’s night. Like it would be soon. Because that was the right thing to do, and maybe in some part of Dr. Richardson’s mind he thought that Ian was safe with Evan. That some part knew that he’d be alright. That this time he’d get back up on two feet, and he’d have that stable wall to fall on if he broke. He’d have that wall for the rest of his life, that’s what Evan hoped. He hoped he could always be there. He would try and his hardest that Alex would always have that. So for a long time they just held each other. It was silent, and it was comfortable, but eventually they would have to speak and the first one with actual words happened to be Alexandre. "How did things go with Harmony?" His voice was soft and stable. He sounded okay, but Evan didn’t know if he was faking it or if that was just how he was. Evan was quite sure he was alright though. He sounded good, but that didn’t stop the worry from coming. There was little to nothing that could stop Evan from worrying. With his mother, he had started, and ever since it had just almost become habit. A habit that wasn’t always useful, but he dealt. So he looked down at the boy and went into a dangerous area and softly kissed the boy’s head. His forehead seemed like the best place. The safest place.

“She loved it,” he smiled thinking about her face when he said he had clothes especially that face: with the half curled hair, half naked, makeup not really started look she had going. She was such an amusing creature. He felt like he had known her forever. She was more astounding than she had been in the letters. “It feels like I’ve known her for years, like we’ve been friends forever. Not like you two. But it is really weird how comfortable I was around her. I think you kind of have to be when she’s walking around her underwear.” He said smiling at the boy laughing softly. When his laugh faded he remembered that clear look that had read so clearly to him, and he smiled. He was happy that someone else was just as protective as he was. If not more. “She loves you dearly; you should have seen the look she gave me after you left. She’s so protective over you,” He smiled at the boy running a hand through his hair happily sighing. This was definitely where he wanted to be. He was happy right where he needed to be. Right where he had always wanted to be. Finding Ian was like a godsend. He had found that person. Sure, some didn’t believe there was just one, and maybe there wasn’t but he was fine with the boy he had right in his arms. “She said you’d need to come down one time to help her with the lingerie Phoebe bought. I tried not to look. Too many mental images.” He looked down at the boy with an amused smile, still worried but happy that this large bundle of blankets was the boy he loved. The one he wanted to be with. With that fact alone he was on top of the world, and he hoped he would be able to tell his mother tonight.

After the finish of his words Evan kissed the boy’s nose, before pulling back trying to find some way he could get closer to Ian through all the blankets, eventually moving them so he could slip his arms around the boys tiny waits and hold him. As he did it, he let the silence become a comfortable lull. He was just going to lay with Alex for a while, before they needed to get dressed and go. Before everything was happening. He needed to just zen it out. All of it. So he held the boy tightly his arms holding arms a tiny little which made him smile, his chin on top of Ian-Alexandre. He smiled, wanting to kiss the boys soft lips but he’d have to leave that up to Ian, he didn’t want to start something that would hurt the boy. The idea of him having put the boy out in the snow sobbing, and screaming was just enough to make him want to die. And I guess that was the one thing Evan feared, the one thing we all fear. Letting the people down we love. Doesn’t matter if they mean the world to us of if they are thousands of miles away. So many people hide who they are for just that fact, and hurting Ian had never been an option it couldn’t be. So he laid there closing his eyes, resting, thinking, just letting his brain breathe for a second. For a few long minutes he just let himself enjoy Ian’s presence in the calm lull. One day he hoped he would wake up to this, with the sun coming in through the curtains the early morning would wake up, but he’d curl back into the body of the small boys chest, hiding from it at if he was little. That seemed far off though. The idea of Ian in bed with him even if it was just sleeping seemed far off, not that Evan had ever minded.

“You know there is no where i'd rather be right now,” he said sighing lightly before looking the boy straight in the eyes before asking him a question that didn’t seem really necessary but to Evan it was. “Can I kiss you Ian-Alexandre love?” he asked in a pleading tone waiting patiently for an answer.

[B3N3V0L3NTxF4iiRY___xo]

✖✖xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxit'sian-alexandre,love

{ we're so crazy in love }_________________________

He would never admit it to anyone, but he was confused. Beyond confused. His brain was something he just couldn't understand, and the way it was going from freaking out when someone else touched him to being perfectly fine with Evan made no sense. He should have been flipping out every time Evan touched him just like he did whenever anyone else touched him, but no. Ian-Alexandre found himself liking it. It wasn't scary, he felt no pressure behind it, it didn't send him flying back in time... And he just couldn't understand why that was. Why wasn't he running screaming from Evan like he had from Caleb? Why didn't his poor little mind feel like it was going to explode any time Evan got close like it did with Caleb, or Ryan, or just about anyone else of the male gender? He understood why it didn't bother him as much when Harmony touched him, because it had been such a long time since his babysitter had hurt him, and since Harmony looked nothing like his babysitter, but Evan... He was the same size as Elliot, just like Caleb was. His eyes were the same color as Elliot's, just like Caleb. His hair was the same color as Elliot's was. When it came right down to it, Evan's major features were closer to Elliot's than Caleb's were. Sure, Caleb's actual face was closer to the same, but his hair was all wrong. But then again, his voice was the same as Elliot's, where Evan's was nothing like it...

Alex just didn't understand, and it was obvious that Dr. Richardson didn't either. Because if he had, he would have explained that to them before he'd left. He would have broken every little bit down and explained it in the simplest, most un-doctor-y terms he could just to be sure Evan and Alex understood exactly what was happening inside Alex's screwed up little mind. But he hadn't done that. He'd left, without saying anything. Which meant that Alex was left to lay there and wonder what was wrong with his head, why it treated Evan the way a normal person's brain would instead of the way it treated everyone else. All he could come up with was that the subconscious part of his brain that controlled his freak-outs knew that he was crazily in love with Evan and knew that Evan loved him and somehow made the connection that, hey, Evan wasn't going to do anything to hurt him. And thank god, because how much would it suck to not be able to touch the person you loved at all? It was hard enough just with the worry that maybe something would push him over the edge, but if you had to add the worry that any little touch -be it on purpose or an accident - might cause a meltdown... Being able to lay there like that, even right after a breakdown - that was reassuring beyond belief. it gave him hope that maybe, just maybe, they'd be able to be a normal couple someday. Of course, if they ever figured out how it was going to work. The not-so-little worry of what would happen when Evan left popped back into the front of his mind, but he shoved it away... for now.

Ian-Alexandre smiled as Evan spoke. He was glad... no, he was more than glad. He'd been so worried about what Harmony would think of Evan, of what Ryan would think of Evan. Not that he was afraid they would hate him, or anything, just that once they met him in person they would somehow disapprove. He'd mostly been worried that Harmony would see that what she'd been calling his "pointless, completely untrue, and totally useless" worries about how if he ever told Evan how he felt, and if Evan ever returned the feelings enough to come meet him, that Evan would realize how much better he could do. Alex had been worried that Harmony would, when she met Evan in person, realize how true it was. But if Evan said he felt close to her, then that meant she liked him. Which was wonderful, everything Ian could have asked for. He was just going to have to get downstairs to get some details from her about exactly what she thought of Evan. That was important, he had to know what she thought. Every little detail about what she thought, he needed to hear, because she usually knew what she was talking about when it came to people. Not that her opinion would have changed how Alex felt, it just would be nice to know if his best friend agreed with him on everything or not. Alex smiled when he felt Evan run his hand through his hair. He knew Harmony was protective of him, and he could actually picture the look she'd probably been giving Evan. He'd seen it a million times. Any time anyone said anything she thought might possibly upset him, out came the glare.

And it worked every time. One glare from mama hen Harmony, and whatever had caused it stopped.

The lingerie comment stopped his thoughts in their tracks. That sounded about right - as if he could really give her any opinions on how she looked in it. He couldn't understand her sometimes. She knew that Ian-Alexandre was as gay as they came, and yet she still expected him to know whether or not she looked sexy. He never knew if what he was saying was right, he never knew if what he picked for her was actually the sexiest thing she'd show him, but he did it nonetheless. And he did it with a smile, because he knew that was what she wanted. Lingerie, though... That was new to him. Usually she went straight to Ryan about that, and for good reason. He supposed she was going to be saving all of the frilly things as a surprise for Ryan - gag. He knew the entire time he was down there, telling her things he didn't know were true about her glorified underwear, he was going to have the horrible mental image of Ryan ripping it all off her. Ew. Ew. Ew. Not the image he wanted of his best friend, not at all. He just hoped that it wasn't scarily kinky. Because god knows if it was, he was going to have to try four times as hard to keep a straight face. It would be okay if it was just normal, safe lingerie, because he'd seen Harmony in her underwear a million times, but kinky stuff, that would just make those images of Ryan ripping the lingerie off of her that much more.... horrific. If this was torturous, and if he ever met the girl responsible for the lingerie, he would have to kill her. But until then, all he could do was hope for the best.

Alex felt a smile cover his face as Evan kissed his nose, and he moved to get where he could pull Evan close. Of course, Evan was trying to do the same thing, so it ended up that as Alex reached for the taller boy, the taller boy was moving away, trying to find away under the seemingly hundreds of blankets covering him. And that made Alex smiled. He thought it was absolutely wonderful how their minds seemed to be on the same page - surely that was a good sign, a sign that they would make it. Because, god, nothing scared him more than the thought that Evan would find someone else when he went back to New York. It would be hard, Alex knew that. He couldn't leave the Richardsons, not after all that they'd done for him. If he was honest with himself, he knew he wasn't ready, mentally. What would he do when he was somewhere he didn't know, surrounded by people he didn't know? Nothing, that's what he'd do. He'd lock himself somewhere safe and never get any better. But here, where he knew everyone... Here was a safe place to get his brain normal, and he couldn't leave until it was. He knew that, and he hated it. He wanted nothing more than to follow Evan back home when he left, to meet all the people his boyfriend had talked about, and he would admit it, to keep an eye out for anyone who would steal his Evan away. But he knew that was out of the question. He'd have to wait, and waiting wasn't one of Alex's strong points. It would be worth it, he just kept telling himself that. It would be worth it....

Ian could honestly say he was the happiest he'd ever been just then. There was something so comforting about being close to the person you loved, especially when you knew that person loved you back. He didn't like the thought of ever having to move from where they were just then, all cuddled together in his bed. It was kind of like a test to him. He was testing the waters to see just how much he could handle. If he could handle having Evan close like they were right then, who was to say he wouldn't be able to handle sleeping like that? He knew he would be able to fall asleep all curled into his boyfriend's chest like he was, and usually once he was asleep, he was asleep. Maybe it would be worth a try. Maybe. He hated maybes, but that's all he seemed to have just then. Maybe things won't be weird when Evan leaves, maybe telling Harmony what lingerie made her boobs look the best wouldn't scar his mind forever, maybe he'd be able to sleep in the same bed as Evan without going berserk... Bah. He hated maybes, but if that was all he had, then damn it, he was going to cling to them like they were lifelines. After all, hope came right along with maybes, and he definitely liked hope. He was going to have to ask Evan to try the sleeping thing, though. Just one time, just to see if it would work. Because if it would, then damn it, Alex didn't want Evan sleeping anywhere else. He didn't get long with the boy he loved, he wanted to spend as much time close to him as he could.

Alex forced himself to pull far enough away to look at Evan when he spoke, a huge smile covering his face. Alex could have said that he couldn't agree more, because it was the truth, but he didn't want to ruin the moment. And besides, Evan looked like he wasn't done talking yet. And sure enough, he wasn't. As weird and heartless as it might have seemed - Alex laughed. Surely Evan realized he didn't need to ask, right? Because he didn't. He thought they'd figured that out earlier, that he was addicted to Evan kisses and that there was no way they'd send him into a break down. He couldn't help but laugh. It took him a few moments to stop laughing, but the second the laughs weren't shaking the bed, he leaned forward and kissed Evan. Much better than just telling him he could. Action was always better than words if you asked him, especially when that action was something as enjoyable as kissing.

It was such a shame that it couldn't have gone on forever, but they were forced to pull apart by the door opening. Harmony stood in the doorway, hands on her hips, a happy smile on her face. "Sorry to interrupt you two, but it's almost time for my dinner so you need to get your happy little asses dressed and down stairs." She gave an airy wave, and then walked out of the room, throwing what could only be called a glare over her shoulder at them. "Now." And then she was gone, and Alex was laughing again. SHe could be s forceful when she wanted something, but he knew she was right. They had a rehearsal dinner to go to, and that meant leaving the comfortable bed and getting dressed... Ew. With a sigh, Ian-Alexandre pulled himself a little farther away from Evan. "You wanna pick my clothes for me? You're so much better at that than I am."

[ ooc ] this is short and suckish. but i have a fever of 102.4 and i wanted tog et this up in case i have to go to the hospital.

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