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Aluethyn and Khent on duty for all your RPing needs.
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2. PLEASE keep all entries less than 3 paragraphs.

Paste an example of your quality roleplaying work and have it rated by experienced roleplayers.


On a sidenote 100% of people on Gaia will answer this poll with a Yes, whether it be true or not.

Some examples will be posted to give you a good idea of what is needed.
Do you rate storyline roleplaying.. or *action* line roleplaying?
[Seriph]
((Well, now to make my pathetic attempt at a good entrance. 3nodding ))

The forest outside the Leviathan stadium was buzzing with the sounds of animals and insects. A dragonfly passed by a large tree near the edge of the forest. It floated about peacefully on its search for food. It kept close to the ground until it landed on a small shrub. It stopped the beating of its wings and rested peacefully on it's pearch.

The sound of rustling leaves came from nearby. The dragonfly shifted uneasily on it's pearch, but ignored it. The rustling grew closer until it overwhelmed the ears of the dragonfly. It lifted it's legs and began to beat its wings to take off, just in time to be pushed down. A booted foot came down on the small insect, smashing it into the ground. Its exoskeleton easily gave away to the weight and it's insides flattened out. Finally the pressure caused the sides to split, expelling the internal organs and spashing them.

The squish of a dragonfly benieth his feet was of no concern to Seriph as he tore through the forest. He jumped over a small bush and then dove behind a tree, landing ina roll to lay in the shadow of a tree. He had to hide. He scrambled to conceal himself behind the tree, where he stayed.

Soon, the forest shook with a louder rustle of leaves, the trees shook as something tore through them, pushing past them as if they were nothing. As Seriph peaked his had around the tree to look, off in the distance a giant oak fell. Its roots came free and emorged form the ground as if a tangled mass of snakes, trying to grip the earth as it was torn away. Seriph puled his head back and tried to be silent. The loud thumping of giant footsteps came closer, along with the creaking ond cracking of branches as they bent and gave away.

The thumping stopped, the creature was standing still. The creature's breathing penetraited the near silence. Every breath sent a chill down Seriph's spine. The deep breaths stopped and then a swift, "sniff" noise filled the air. It sniffed several times until it seemed satisfied, then the footsteps resumed. They came closer, until the ground beneith Seriph's feet shook. Seriph sould'nt run anymore, he had to kill this beast before it killed him. He pushed forward and dove away from the tree, just in time to turn back and see the creature knock the tree over.

The20 foot tall creature was a dark green color. Scales covered it's body like armor. It's large head came to a dull, rounded peak at the top. Its snout protruded from it's face and displayed the large teeth that lided its gums. Steam drifted from it's nostrils as the heat from inside its nose combined with the cool air of the forest. It opened its powerful jaws at let out an earthshaking roar. It's short arms moved up and down in sync with his thighs and it's delicate claws tore through branches like tissue paper. It's tail Shifted from side to side, balancing it as it moved forward. Its massive legs, the sive of treetrunks, moved up and down and its emmence feet pushed imprints in the ground benieth them.

Seriph stood to face the creature, allowing it to approach. As it ran forward, it bent forward and opened its massive jaws. It came within range and its neck seemed to spasm as its head swiftly came across towards Seriph. Seriph bent his knees and then lunged into the air avoidint the menacing teeth. As he reached the peek of his jump, he threw his weight forward into a front flip and landed on the creature's back. He gripped the scaley surface tightly and clung to its neck as it flailed about. It stood up striaght and attempted to throw Seriph off. Seriph took advantage of the movement and jumped up. He landed near the base of the creatures skull and did his best to climb up on top of it. He pressed the inside of his legs against the sides of its head. He clung to it as it threashed its head around. He reached back with his right hand and pulled his sai from it's sheath. He twirled it around in his hand and gripped it tightly, the then brought it down on the top of its head. The sai penetrated the skin and then the skull, stabbing into its brain.

The creature let out one last roar before it's body began to spasm. Random nerves fired as it fell to the ground and lay there lifeless. Seriph pulled his sai from it's skull and stood up. Such a nuisance, this thing had slowed his journy quite a bit. He wiped his sai on his pantleg and returned it to it's sheath. He then continued towards the stadium. He emerged from the forest, and walked up towards the door.

He gripped the massive handle and pushed the door open. The door creaked open and the inside of the stadium. He entered the stadium, breathing heavily from his experience. He closed the door behind him and sighed. It had been so long since he had been here, he wondered if it was still the same as when he had lest been here. Well he would now find out. He walked down the hall, looking at the portraits. He had seen them so many times, but each time it was like looking at them for the first time. He went down the hall, all the way until he reached the entrance to the main arena. He took a deep breath and then walked out into the light of the stadium*

((Well, there you go. sweatdrop ))
((Why do I get dragged into all this?))
Ex.
A sigh escaped her lips as Aluethyn sat against a tall oak tree. With her eyes closed, she breathed in the fresh autumn air and felt happy that it would soon be winter. Kicking the leaves around her as she got up, Aluethyn reached over for her scythe. The blade was covered with a black cloth that contrasted against the fine silver shaft, but even though it was concealed, it was unmistakably a scythe. Her long blue hair fell across her face and she tossed it away in annoyance and began to head out of the forest toward the town.
Night brings many things. With the heat of the sun gone, one must cover to avoid the chills brought upon by its absence. Modern man finds himself attracted to the darkness, the mystery, and even sometimes the terror. On this night something else is brought out by the sun's departure from this world, vampires. Not one, two, or even thirty, but seas of these beasts find themselves drawn out to feed, and more importantly, to live. These who are on their second life by the grace of he who slew the firstborn walk silently.
Khent
Night brings many things. With the heat of the sun gone, one must cover to avoid the chills brought upon by its absence. Modern man finds himself attracted to the darkness, the mystery, and even sometimes the terror. On this night something else is brought out by the sun's departure from this world, vampires. Not one, two, or even thirty, but seas of these beasts find themselves drawn out to feed, and more importantly, to live. These who are on their second life by the grace of he who slew the firstborn walk silently.


The vampire stepped out from behind an abondoned building. To an onlooker it would seem as if the demon had appeared out of thin air. The beast wore a long brown trenchcoat, he avoided the cliche black colors his kind had been conditioned into. Dropping the remains of his cigarette onto the cold sidewalk, he begins his nightly stroll downtown. Its early evening, and the sidewalks are bustling with people as he makes his way down the street. So many people, in fact, he is ignored, blending into the crowd like a white wolf among sheep.
Example:

"Good," Started kit, "Problem with that is... I'm already done." The leaf glowed a bright red, from all the concentration and one of his best spells have started to take effect. "Fox Veil!" Said Oliver, quietly, and he jumped slowly from the rock to the ground and put the leaf down on the ground. The glowing leaf explodes into a giant storm of thick smoke as Kit stood there. Everything in sight became walled with a endless fog. The smoke cleared quickly, the mountains wernt quite visable anymore. They were all covered by a foliage of bright green trees, the grassy plains have turned into a forest! The sun shone in from the roof of the branches. "Seems pretty real, huh?" Kit asked, pleased of his illusion, "But I assure you Its just a startingly real illusion, at least, one that is almost as solid as the real thing."
((Sooo... now what? sweatdrop ))
[Seriph]
[Seriph]
((Well, now to make my pathetic attempt at a good entrance. 3nodding ))

The forest outside the Leviathan stadium was buzzing with the sounds of animals and insects. A dragonfly passed by a large tree near the edge of the forest. It floated about peacefully on its search for food. It kept close to the ground until it landed on a small shrub. It stopped the beating of its wings and rested peacefully on it's pearch.


The sound of rustling leaves came from nearby. The dragonfly shifted uneasily on it's pearch, but ignored it. The rustling grew closer until it overwhelmed the ears of the dragonfly. It lifted it's legs and began to beat its wings to take off, just in time to be pushed down. A booted foot came down on the small insect, smashing it into the ground. Its exoskeleton easily gave away to the weight and it's insides flattened out. Finally the pressure caused the sides to split, expelling the internal organs and spashing them.


The squish of a dragonfly benieth his feet was of no concern to Seriph as he tore through the forest. He jumped over a small bush and then dove behind a tree, landing in a roll to lay in the shadow of a tree. He had to hide. He scrambled to conceal himself behind the tree, where he stayed.

Soon, the forest shook with a louder rustle of leaves, the trees shook as something tore through them, pushing past them as if they were nothing. As Seriph peaked his had around the tree to look, off in the distance a giant oak fell. Its roots came free and emorged form the ground as if a tangled mass of snakes, trying to grip the earth as it was torn away. Seriph puled his head back and tried to be silent. The loud thumping of giant footsteps came closer, along with the creaking ond cracking of branches as they bent and gave away.

The thumping stopped, the creature was standing still. The creature's breathing penetraited the near silence. Every breath sent a chill down Seriph's spine. The deep breaths stopped and then a swift, "sniff" noise filled the air. It sniffed several times until it seemed satisfied, then the footsteps resumed. They came closer, until the ground beneith Seriph's feet shook. Seriph sould'nt run anymore, he had to kill this beast before it killed him. He pushed forward and dove away from the tree, just in time to turn back and see the creature knock the tree over.

The20 foot tall creature was a dark green color. Scales covered it's body like armor. It's large head came to a dull, rounded peak at the top. Its snout protruded from it's face and displayed the large teeth that lided its gums. Steam drifted from it's nostrils as the heat from inside its nose combined with the cool air of the forest. It opened its powerful jaws at let out an earthshaking roar. It's short arms moved up and down in sync with his thighs and it's delicate claws tore through branches like tissue paper. It's tail Shifted from side to side, balancing it as it moved forward. Its massive legs, the sive of treetrunks, moved up and down and its emmence feet pushed imprints in the ground benieth them.

Seriph stood to face the creature, allowing it to approach. As it ran forward, it bent forward and opened its massive jaws. It came within range and its neck seemed to spasm as its head swiftly came across towards Seriph. Seriph bent his knees and then lunged into the air avoidint the menacing teeth. As he reached the peek of his jump, he threw his weight forward into a front flip and landed on the creature's back. He gripped the scaley surface tightly and clung to its neck as it flailed about. It stood up striaght and attempted to throw Seriph off. Seriph took advantage of the movement and jumped up. He landed near the base of the creatures skull and did his best to climb up on top of it. He pressed the inside of his legs against the sides of its head. He clung to it as it threashed its head around. He reached back with his right hand and pulled his sai from it's sheath. He twirled it around in his hand and gripped it tightly, the then brought it down on the top of its head. The sai penetrated the skin and then the skull, stabbing into its brain.

The creature let out one last roar before it's body began to spasm. Random nerves fired as it fell to the ground and lay there lifeless. Seriph pulled his sai from it's skull and stood up. Such a nuisance, this thing had slowed his journy quite a bit. He wiped his sai on his pantleg and returned it to it's sheath. He then continued towards the stadium. He emerged from the forest, and walked up towards the door.

He gripped the massive handle and pushed the door open. The door creaked open and the inside of the stadium. He entered the stadium, breathing heavily from his experience. He closed the door behind him and sighed. It had been so long since he had been here, he wondered if it was still the same as when he had lest been here. Well he would now find out. He walked down the hall, looking at the portraits. He had seen them so many times, but each time it was like looking at them for the first time. He went down the hall, all the way until he reached the entrance to the main arena. He took a deep breath and then walked out into the light of the stadium*

((Well, there you go. sweatdrop ))



Wow. Well definate props for length. Description of the setting from the dragonfly to atmosphere were pretty good. Occasional problems with the spelling but that's understandable if that's all from one post and you're trying to type faster than light. The only thing I would like to see improved is the variation of sentences. You write a lot of "he jumps," "he turns," "It felt." Maybe try opeing a sentence with a gerund (-ing word) like "Turning, he saw..." etc. Oh, and next time don't post something that long. Length is good but too much of something is usually bad. Most people don't have the patience to sit and look at all that text as one post but it works well as a first post.

Rating=9/10 blaugh
[Seriph]
((Sooo... no what? sweatdrop ))


Well it's your fault for typing so much...Lol. wink
Aluethyn

Wow. Well definate props for length. Description of the setting from the dragonfly to atmosphere were pretty good. Occasional problems with the spelling but that's understandable if that's all from one post and you're trying to type faster than light. The only thing I would like to see improved is the variation of sentences. You write a lot of "he jumps," "he turns," "It felt." Maybe try opeing a sentence with a gerund (-ing word) like "Turning, he saw..." etc. Oh, and next time don't post something that long. Length is good but too much of something is usually bad. Most people don't have the patience to sit and look at all that text as one post but it works well as a first post.

Rating=9 blaugh

Thanks. Yeah I do sometimes notice that my sentences need variation. sweatdrop

Thank you very much. whee
Aluethyn
[Seriph]
((Sooo... no what? sweatdrop ))


Well it's your fault for typing so much...Lol. wink
Well normally my posts aren't that long, just my entrances. 3nodding
[Seriph]
Aluethyn

Wow. Well definate props for length. Description of the setting from the dragonfly to atmosphere were pretty good. Occasional problems with the spelling but that's understandable if that's all from one post and you're trying to type faster than light. The only thing I would like to see improved is the variation of sentences. You write a lot of "he jumps," "he turns," "It felt." Maybe try opeing a sentence with a gerund (-ing word) like "Turning, he saw..." etc. Oh, and next time don't post something that long. Length is good but too much of something is usually bad. Most people don't have the patience to sit and look at all that text as one post but it works well as a first post.

Rating=9 blaugh

Thanks. Yeah I do sometimes notice that my sentences need variation. sweatdrop

Thank you very much. whee


No problem. Have fun RPing!
Oliveman
Example:

"Good," Started kit, "Problem with that is... I'm already done." The leaf glowed a bright red, from all the concentration and one of his best spells have started to take effect. "Fox Veil!" Said Oliver, quietly, and he jumped slowly from the rock to the ground and put the leaf down on the ground. The glowing leaf explodes into a giant storm of thick smoke as Kit stood there. Everything in sight became walled with a endless fog. The smoke cleared quickly, the mountains wernt quite visable anymore. They were all covered by a foliage of bright green trees, the grassy plains have turned into a forest! The sun shone in from the roof of the branches. "Seems pretty real, huh?" Kit asked, pleased of his illusion, "But I assure you Its just a startingly real illusion, at least, one that is almost as solid as the real thing."


Decent, kindof reminds me of a cheesy cartoon. The sentance structure was somewhat lacking in an overall flow. Its almost tiring to read in the beginning, but gets better along the way. I would reccomend rereading your posts before sending, and describing the area around you in more detail. Just because you have a mental picture of whats going on doesnt mean everyone else does. Im going to be nice though and give you a...
7.5

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