When Talia moved away from him, he propped himself up on his arm. There it was. She was withdrawing from him and refusing to get close. Olivier wasn't ready. He'd wanted time to prepare himself for when she would start doing this and it actually hurt him a little that she was already prepared to reject him. His fears had been confirmed. After whatever date they decided to sleep together, it was over. The Frenchman's face fell a little as he looked at her with a sad expression though it was gone in a flash as he hid behind one of his own smiles.
"Non, I don't mind at all," he answered with a typical Olivier smile. One he could easily hide everything he was feeling behind. It was just a simple gesture of pulling away from him and he could already start to feel little fractures crack his heart. The coming rejection after they'd had their way with each other would definitely be the final blow that would shatter his heart after all the coming fractures. She really would be the death of him and everything he was. This girl he'd only just met would be his ruin and she would do it with a smile.
Talia began sketching him, glad for the excuse to look at him without making eye contact. It also gave her time to think. There was enough distance between them that they weren't touching and she had a clear mind. She still wanted to have sex with him, but maybe it was a good idea. She tried to convince herself that she hadn't seen the way he had looked before smiling, saying it was only because he had wanted to go further. After all, he was so innocent either, he had plenty of bodies to press his against.
"Pose however you like." She dragged her pencil along the paper, her eyes studying his body and giving a rough outline of him onto the paper. The sooner she got herself to understand he was just another guy, the better off she would be. But her smile was slowly fading as she focused more on the drawing.
Olivier didn't move from his position on the ground. He lay on his side, holding himself up on his arm as his other one relaxed over his body. He still smiled though if anyone really looked closely, they would see sadness in his eyes. His ability to hide was failing him. However, he told himself he couldn't give up. He had to show her that she wasn't just another lay to him. He had to prove that he cared and he wanted her. He could go the rest of his life without sleeping with her if that would prove that he wanted her because of who she was and not what she did with her body.
He silently watched her as she sketched. She looked so peaceful, calm and concentrated. Yet another example of her beauty on display for him. He could write endless amounts of poetry about her. Would she appreciate that? Maybe that was a a way he could prove to her that he didn't just want her for her body. Now he had a plan. Maybe a poem would be a good starting point. It would have to be. It was all he had at the moment.
Talia didn't mind the silence between them. It was comfortable and she was able to breath. She began humming along with the radio, glancing at him every so often to make sure she was getting the angle, shadows, and profile right. Her own eyes were slightly more distant now though as she carefully kept her mind on the drawing and not Olivier himself.
She stopped for a moment, not sure how to continue the picture as she tapped the pencil's eraser against her bottom lip. There was so much detail to his expression and it was only now that she looked at her rendition of it that she noticed the look in his eyes. It hurt, knowing she very well might be the cause. "Do you want to go back?"
Olivier shook his head as he made eye contact with her. "Non, I want to stay here even if it's just a little while longer," he answered quietly. He wanted to move next to her, slide his arms around her shoulders and tell her that she could trust him but he knew she wouldn't believe him. Did she think he was like all of the other guys that just wanted to use her for sex? Or maybe she was stuck in a mindset telling her she wasn't worthy of someone wanting more from her than just sex?
He would have to prove to her otherwise. He wanted to prove she was wrong. Silently he sat up and corssed his legs, watching her. "Tell me more about you. The things you like to do, the things that interest you or maybe a place you would like to travel one day," he said quietly. Maybe a simple conversation would help to warm her up to him again. It was worth a shot, after all.
Lynn felt the silence and she looked at the two sitting next to her. How long had she been quiet? Her gaze fell upon Jayden and she smiled, holding back a giggle. She remembered the day they met at school in freshmen year. How she sat next to him, and ended up glimpsing at his puppy dog eyes every chance she could. Effectively creeping him out and causing conversation.
Lynn was happy they were friends, although really thinking about it she began to feel like she had robbed him of proper best friend rights. He didnt know much about her, did he? Lynn giggled and bit her lip, looking over at Carlie and laughing a little more. At this point she just didn't know why she was. But she didn't hold back, maybe it would relieve the tension just a little, even if it was at her own expense.
Jayden would have been startled by Lynn's quiet giggling erupting in the silence if he hadn't been desperately hoping that someone would say something. His own quiet nature made it hard for him to ever come up with ways to start conversations. When high, he tended to just sort of do the things that ran through his mind if he wasn't too lost to remember his limbs. Lynn's giggling increased as she looked over at Carlie and Jay couldn't help but smile, quiet chuckles escaping him as he watched his best friend just light up. For some reason, her giggles made him feel especially playful, which wasn't a mood he got in all that often. A small smirk played across his face as he looked over at Lynn, a plan forming in his mind.
Jay lazily moved from where he was sitting so that he was on his knees in front of the two girls, his eyes finding the tree Lynn was leaning against and planning accordingly. Laughter already fighting to burst from his lips, he wrapped his arm around Lynn and pulled her away from the tree, rolling them over as he began to mock wrestle with her. It had probably been since freshman year since they had played around like this, considering themselves to be beyond such things now. Still, when you were high, you weren't really beyond anything. You could only react to everything around you with childlike wonder, as though seeing it for the first time. This was exactly as Jayden felt as he tumbled around with his best friend, his fingers straying to tickle her occasionally. His gaze strayed to Carlie and he thought about pulling her along before deciding against it. He didn't want to make things awkward or to upset her by messing up her hair or clothes. She went through the effort to be particular about how she looked. Jay knew that Lynn probably couldn't care less if she ended up with grass in her hair or some dirt on her jeans.
She squeaked when Jayden's tackle came from no where. Stumbling around with him, laughing when he tickled her "No! Stop!" she managed to get out before attempting to get her arm around his neck, trying to tickle him as well "You wont get me this time!" she said between smiles and laughter. Lynn didn't remember the last time she had so much fun. Especially with Jayden. It was so refreshing to her.
Her arm managed to make its way around his neck and she pretended to put him in a rather gentle head lock, squeezing his head as if it were just a rather tight hug. She didn't know how long she could hold him considering his arms were around her rather ticklish and exposed waist. This tussling made her feel like the world around her was melting, like they were back in ninth grade just chilling in the woods. She was so happy.
Talia had set her sketchbook down, sitting indian style as she hugged a pillow to her chest. She had no idea what to say, what would give him the answers he wanted to hear without sharing too much of herself in the process. So she merely shrugged her shoulder. "There really isn't much to me...I am just your normal, environment loving, girl." There, she had given him a bit without fully answering. Though she supposed he would need more than just a soft answer. "I would like to see Europe some day"
Talia knew to change the subject at this point. "What about you?" It was easier for her to listen than to talk about herself. She was an extremely modest person, the only time she took up bragging rights was when it came to her body and what she could do with it. Other wise though, she was rather low key.
Olivier smiled a bit. "Who knows? Maybe when I go back to France for a bit of the summer, you can come with me," he chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. He sat back a little, leaning on his hands. It took him a minute before shrugging. "I don't have much to me, either. I'm just an average Frenchman...but I would like to travel to Japan one day. Mainly just to tour the countryside and see the sites. I'm not one for wandering around the big city that is Tokyo but I would go to see all the neon lights at night," he answered, smiling at her.
Why was she so closed off from everyone? It's not like it was bad to like the things she did. He wondered why she felt that way. "Talia, you can trust me. Anything you tell me here, I'll take to my grave without telling a soul. You don't have to keep so many secrets around me," he sighed quietly, before sitting back up again and hunching over to let his forearms rest on his knees.
Talia smiled softly, resting her chin on the pillow. "Perhaps." As enticing as it was, she didn't think it would be a good idea. "Japan sounds fun. It suits you somehow." Her own voice was soft, quieter than usual. He was probing her, and she didn't know how to react. Especially when he brought up trust.
"I trust you..." She did, more so than most people. The person she didn't trust here was herself. Still, she couldn't meet his eyes. It wasn't like her to feel guilty about not sharing anything. Not only because people usually just didn't ask, but also because she was a generally private person when it came to herself. It just wasn't something she was used to.
Olivier stood and sat back down next Talia. He playfully bumped her shoulder with his. "Then let me in. I'm not the type of guy to use private information against someone. I wouldn't want someone to do that to me so why would I do that to someone else? he asked quietly, looking over at her. He examined her a bit and kissed her cheek. He then thought of something. "If I tell you a secret I have, will you tell me one you have?" he asked quietly. He had a few of his own and yes, they could be used against him in the worst way possible. Maybe this would show her that he was trustworthy and that he trusted her.
He tucked another strand behind her ear, hoping that she would agree to this topic of conversation. The things he planned to tell her if she agreed were deep secrets that he never told anyone. Things that were private and could destroy him on more than one level. Olivier just wondered if she would want to know.
It did peak her interest, him mentioning he had secrets he would tell her. She just didn't know what to make of it. She was curious, but knowing...she wasn't sure she wanted to. It could easily draw them even closer. "I don't know what secrets I would tell you." She didn't even know herself really, Talia had been trying to figure it out for a while now, but she had no idea who to identify as. She was lost.
She found herself leaning her head on his shoulder again, sighing. He kept getting close, and she kept falling into him over and over again. This was bringing a few memories back, of when she had seen a therapist after her parents found out about her sleeping with one of their friends. The psychologist had tried to get Talia to talk about herself, explain things. But she didn't know how. And maybe that was her main problem.
"How about I go first and in exchange, you tell me why you're afraid to get close to me?" he asked, hoping she would agree. Then again, with what he was about to tell her, she might wind up feeling obligated. He took a deep breath and then let it out before speaking again. "When I lived in France, my parents had quite a few friends with alternative lifestyles. Many were artists or people who enjoyed the arts which made it easy for my parents to connect with. There was one friend in particular...Jacques. He was really close to my mother and when my parents would go out, he was asked to babysit me. Well, one night when I was only seven, he was asked to babysit. He'd always been a little too affectionate towards me but I never thought anything of since he was like family to me."
"Well, we were watching a movie not long after my parents had left. It was a scary one so at certain parts, I would curl up into him and hide my face so I wouldn't see. At one part in particular, he pulled me into his lap and started rubbing my thigh, telling me it would be okay and he would make me feel better. Then his hand ventured farther up and next thing I knew, I was being touched and scared out of my mind. He convinced me that it was okay and from that day until I was thirteen, he continued to touch me when we were alone. He didn't actually put his d**k in me until I was ten. I lost my virginity to my mother's ***** friend and never told a soul," he finished and sighed. She was the first person he'd ever told and would probably be the last. It wasn't something he had ever wanted to really tell anyone but he figured a big step on her part might elicit at leas a medium sized one on hers.
Talia listened to him silently, the shock freezing her to the spot as she tried to comprehend what he was saying. When he had finished, she took his hand in her own, intertwining their fingers and bringing her lips to his to kiss him. She had no idea why he was telling her this, there was no need. He shouldn't trust her. The more she thought about it, the shallower her breathing got. Talia quickly stopped, squeezing his hand for a moment as she closed her eyes and tried to calm down. It had been a year and a half since her last panic attack and here she was, freaking out in front of this guy who was so much stronger than herself.
Once she had calmed down, Talia opened her eyes again, taking her time to catch her breath before speaking. "You ask why I'm afraid...but the truth is, I have no idea. I'm sixteen, never been in love, never had my heart broken, and I haven't even begin my life yet. I have no reason to be afraid...yet every time I think about growing attached to another person, I close off. I can't take it, I don't want to risk myself. And maybe that is because if I do, I am also risking the other person. And then they get hurt. My touch is poisonous." She knew it was, she had proof. But her mind wasn't on herself, it was on Olivier and what he had been through. For the first time, Talia found herself actually hating someone and wishing the worst upon them. "He will pay for what he did."