Stains whipped his head around, eyes nearly exploding from their sockets as his hands were in mid-spank of his scrumptious, taut buns. And by buns, I mean that sweet
a** of legend. He scoffed and simultaneously threw up in his mouth all in one go, quickly swallowing back the half of week old chili dog he had eaten three hours prior to his sudden teleportation. Truly, it tasted just as good coming back up, then back down again, as it had tasted going down the first time, but that was besides the point. Dwarf Man had stood up, and he was, to the mercenary's complete surprise, not that short actually.
"You're not even a little person!" He would've spat if he wasn't wearing a full face mask, his eyes bugging out as he pointed almost accusingly towards the axe toting miser.
"You snaky dog! And here I thought we were chums. Regular peas in a ********' pod." Stains stomped his podium in half and smacked the remainder of it away like a two dollar hooker, immediately tripping over some of it as he fumbled his way towards the viking ********. He brushed away debris and dust from his suit as he stomped over, going so far as to put his face right up to the axe head that had been so menacingly pointed at him in the first place.
"You challenging me brah? I got balls bigger than your mamas appetite to gobble 'em up. I ******** Odin, in the mouth, for fun. Even slap his son Thor right in the package when I feel like it. Got valkyries beggin' to slob on this knob. I piss on the floors of Valhalla, SON! So what you gotta say to that, b***h. My lord and savior Jesus Christ died for my sins, God rest his mortal soul, so ******** you." Stains eyes set like twin viper fangs, poison nearly leaking out of the venomous stare he was giving Einar at the moment. He
hated this man for some reason, just freakin' abhorred him with a seriously twisted, instantaneous hatred that could only be described as epic, hate at first sight hate-mance.
"We are so, rivals. First, I'm gonna slap you around 'till you beg for mercy, which of course I will not give. Mercy is for total pussies. Then I'm gonna find your sister, and make a ham sandwich featuring mayo, lettuce, some balsamic vinegar, my balls, and her boobies, and somehow implicate her mouth in the process but I'm still working that all out in schematics, you know, personal time stuff... But you get the picture, b***h!" Stains threw his hands up in Einar's face and snickered, all the while tilting his head to the side like a highly aware bird of prey, his neck muscles bulging erratically with the mere conviction of his vile statements, his body language like that of a semi retarded ape at best.
[******** best know! The Stains man don't play!" He turned, spinning off his heel to 360 degree flip off/ point at everyone in the room.
"I can't wait to murder each and every one of you slippery, conniving, c**k sucking faggots. I will literally take personal, uncomfortable pleasure in making sure none of you get out of this tournament alive. Just because of this dickhead." A rude point back towards Einar, and Stains looked back, eyes still narrowed into nefarious slits. He leaned in dangerously close, his covered over lips nearly clipping the viking warrior's ear lobe. No one else could hear the next words the psychotic mercenary stated. These words were for Einar, and Einar alone.
"Personally I enjoyed your chant, and I think your outfit is pretty cool, but just go along with this ok? Didn't actually mean to disrespect your religion in any fashion, Myself being a practicing Catholic, I understand and contend to express my shared empathy for your taking offense of said words and actions, and apologize vehemently on account of such atrocities towards your respective religion. On the oft hand, don't make me look bad man. I'm just having a bit of fun. Theatrics and what not. I'm counting on you. You're already playing the part well, keep it up and I'll make sure you get a church or two named after you. Or something, alright I've talked too long, they might think something is up. Alright, three, two... "
Leaning back out Stains finished his half mumble loudly and with forced gusto,
"...And that's how I'm gonna ********' kill you, man!!! So think about, that!...Yeah!"
He awkwardly turned and stalked off, much like a rooster kicking it's feet at the dirt, brow furrowed in the best look of petulant fury that he could muster.