Barton. I still love you. [contest over - hang out nao]

+1	100.0%	[ 200 ]
Total Votes:			[ 200 ]

[Technical Review]

@sephiriti: She seems like your typical depressed character.
Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but could turn out to be bad.
What I would suggest is adding a bit of positive points to her history. A beloved pet or a good friend. Something like that. Sure, it takes away from the complete and utter despair she appears to be suffering, but nobody likes complete and utter despair.
That's just a suggestion, though.
She's pretty much fine as she is.
A detailed history is what's important, anyway.
<3

@repiv: And when did you go to bed, Past-boy? Are you getting enough sleep? ]<
It seems like we have this conversation every single time someone wakes up.
x3

[sephiriti]

maybe before her father dies she will get a friend... get depressed later and see how the friendship lives... maybe seperate them somehow. her going to... middle school? where does 14-16 go again? xD
besides, i am up for changing a bit, dont do backstories often... heh.. ._.;
hehe, plus im thinking of making her like someone.. those scenes 'she likes him, but he likes someone else' xD

[repiv]

Quite possibly we do. I went to bed at 9 the day before and 10 yesterday. : D I'm good.

[Technical Review]

@sephiriti: Mm, sounds decent. But maybe try to throw in something absolutely positive. Anyway. It's good, though.
;D

@repiv: Well, you sound like you're sleeping enough. That's good. <3

[sephiriti]

hm, a stray animal before she goes to the orphanage? xD

ooh, animal takes her to the orphanage xD
most likely not what it would do but it sounds cute xD

[repiv]

How about you? Are you sleeping enough? : O

[Technical Review]

@sephiriti: Something like that. What I always try for when writing a 'depressed' character is one positive thing at all points in his or her life. That way they aren't completely pathetic and useless.
Happiness FTW!
x3

@repiv: I think I'm not going to be sleeping enough today. Too much work. D; Procrastination is an evil force. </3

[sephiriti]

i want her to be sad when growing up then turning into a more realistic hero xD
putting bad guys in their place.. around the school yard xD

the one she likes is a demon... (how she likes him i will never know. maybe his utter cuteness? xD)

the one she likes, likes another boy (my yaoi fantasy, sue me) who is straight, who i will make turn bi later on. xD lovely (multi species FTW!)
have a picture the little boy couple too xD

[Technical Review]

Sounds adorable.
If she does make a good friend or finds herself a pet, however, I would suggest letting her keep it throughout her adventures. Still in favor of the little something positive.
;3
And, of course, don't reveal all of her tragedies at the very beginning. Keep the biggest one for big 'oh em gee' shocks in the middle of the story.
<3

[repiv]

Woo flashbacks! <3

Procrastination is indeed an evil force.

[sephiriti]

keeping the pet for a little while. and she is a main character, but Mace is the main character xD

care to see who he likes? xD aside from small features, i think i did well xD
Raven is the girls name, she needs a last name xP might change her name...
Mace is keeping his name but needs a last name.
and the one he likes needs first and last name xP he has a nickname though.

[Technical Review]

It's especially evil when I was planning on working ahead.
D;
YouTube is also evil. An evil, evil distraction.
</3

[repiv]

Very true. : O

[Technical Review]

Ack. And even now, I'm still procrastinating.
D;
Well.
Kind of.
x3

[sephiriti]

want to see? dont care if i said before, feel like asking again :p