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*Cracks knuckles and starts writing*
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domokun
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ooh knuckle cracking is a good sign! biggrin What are you writing?
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I'm starting my story. 3nodding
Unfortunately, I'm starting with Vael explaining his Talent, which is confusing even me, but nothing about Vael will make sense unless I explain what his Talent is all about. It's a bit much to wrap your head around, but I hope it at least makes sense, and after this little diddle the story will start picking up pace and be more interesting to write. At least I can rest easy knowing that this isn't anywhere near as confusing as the beginning of The Poisonwood Bible. XD BY THE WAY, our lovely teacher let slip in class yesterday that Ruth May dies! D= Why?! Why must my favorite characters always die? D:> Now I have to finish the book so I know what happens. I'm at the part where Mr. Axelroot agrees to pretend to be engaged to Rachel to save her from marrying Tata Ndu. gonk |
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Xennik I'm starting my story. 3nodding Unfortunately, I'm starting with Vael explaining his Talent, which is confusing even me, but nothing about Vael will make sense unless I explain what his Talent is all about. It's a bit much to wrap your head around, but I hope it at least makes sense, and after this little diddle the story will start picking up pace and be more interesting to write. At least I can rest easy knowing that this isn't anywhere near as confusing as the beginning of The Poisonwood Bible. XD BY THE WAY, our lovely teacher let slip in class yesterday that Ruth May dies! D= Why?! Why must my favorite characters always die? D:> Now I have to finish the book so I know what happens. I'm at the part where Mr. Axelroot agrees to pretend to be engaged to Rachel to save her from marrying Tata Ndu. gonk I wanna read! oh yeah. ... I didn't want to tell you. It's sweet to see her personality change though before she dies. But yeah, I severely lost interest in the book after she was gone. |
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But- But she's-! And it's so sad! Why must the good die young? gonk
If you really want to, here's what I have so far. I'd love a critique. @__@ Quote: What is air? We are taught in school that it is hydrogen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide; small molecules that we must simply have faith in, tiny little puzzle pieces that may never seem exactly real to the very people who breathe it in and out every day. The ancient Itudu believed that the air was the breath of their ancestors, that it was the will of their predecessors to bring them rain or storm or drought. I can understand where they were coming from. Maybe somewhere in their tribes in the deepest of the deserts there was a boy like me, who could see in the air what I can see, and explained it to his people in the best way that he could. Ancestors, gods, spirits. But maybe that little boy went crazy from seeing things that other people couldn’t, or maybe his people stopped him in time and put him to a merciful end before he finished himself off in desperation. If there was ever anyone else like me – and there must be, or have once been, because I couldn’t have just popped up out of nowhere – they never became rich or successful or popular, never even ogled for their strange looks and even stranger talents. Does that mean that there really never was anyone like me, before me? Or did they simply never live long enough to matter? These are drear musings, I know. But I had to wonder. These were the thoughts that haunted me as I drifted off to sleep each night, because even though I tried to be confident and sure of myself, because I had to be, still I always wondered. Who was I? What was I? What was my purpose in this world? Why did I have the powers I did? Why not someone else? Who were my parents? What had they been like? Had they looked like me, or had I been a great mistake? I think everyone wonders these things at some point or another in their life. The answers can be found in cheap books at the super market, in long lectures on the mind, in church for those strong enough to have one. But for me…it was harder for me. Because I can open my eyes, and the air is alive, and things are different. At first I thought I saw ghosts, heard them mumbling and shifting before my blurring vision, but then suddenly things would change, with a snap that brought everything suddenly into sharp perspective, and I would be the ghost. People would move around me, but not see me. Sometimes they would step through me, and I’d struggle for air and fight the desire to pass out. Sometimes I would see people I knew, but they would be different, changed somehow. But now I know. In a sense, I do see ghosts. Ghosts of the past. What happens to a person when they die? Their spirits leave to whatever after world or heaven there is, for their surely must be one somewhere. Their bodies remain here, ferment, and turn to dust. But something must hold the two together in life, and where does that substance go when the spirit and body part ways? Into the air, forming the very memories that I see in my visions. I call this substance ectoplasm, for lack of a better word. Keep in mind that this is all theory, and some fact, swirled together beyond recognition into my own explanation for myself. It may not make sense, but it comforts me. I surely would have lost my mind without it had I not concocted this explanation of my Talent. So back to ectoplasm. As one moves throughout life, ectoplasm forms between their body and spirit and remains behind in time as they move on with their life. And this, at least to my logic, is what I see when I let my guard down. I don’t see spirits, I see the past. There are times when my concentration slips, and Now blends with Then until Then takes over. When this happens, I’ve been told that I begin to fade, as though the past tries to claim me for its own rather than allowing me to be an innocent witness to its dark secrets. I think strong emotions must cause ectoplasm to melt more strongly from the person, because the stronger visions are terrifying ones. I remember walking into a hat store with my guardian and seeing someone murdered before my eyes. I began to scream and cry, but no one could see it but me. My guardian only panicked because my hand began to fade, and he is terrified of magic in any form. Three days later they found her body, and I knew before anyone that the shopkeeper had killed her. No one believed me, but somehow without any help from me they found him guilty. That was the one with a good ending. One matures quickly under those circumstances. I hope it isn't too confusing. sweatdrop Vael tends to wax poetic when I write him. XD |
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Okay, first let me say I need you in my life and this totally made my day ^_^.
Secondly, bear in mind I read this outloud in the best young-man/boy voice I have, so that played into how I interpreted it. And it read very well! He sounds very knowledgeable, but at the same time real and confused; his words read very naturally and you can feel his emotions yet his underlying desire to sort it all out. It sets up hints of his past nicely, and lets us get to know him and his perspective as well as merely explaining his powers. Basically, it rocks and I love Vael hardcore now. heart The only things I would say are that the word "ogled" felt weird to me; probably because when I read that word the connotation is so often associated with lust that I was thrown off. Of course that's not what the word actually means, but it kinda threw me. It's a good word and you don't have to change it if you feel you can't find a more suitable one, but I just thought I'd let you know how it struck me. Also this paragraph: "But now I know. In a sense, I do see ghosts. Ghosts of the past. What happens to a person when they die? Their spirits leave to whatever after world or heaven there is, for their surely must be one somewhere. Their bodies remain here, ferment, and turn to dust. But something must hold the two together in life, and where does that substance go when the spirit and body part ways? Into the air, forming the very memories that I see in my visions." felt kinda... jilty. Like, very short powerful sentences, but too many in a row and so it reads kinda cludgy, and then there is a really long sentence and I was like "where do I pause to breathe?" so you might want to reconfigure that paragraph, but only if it feels weird to you. XENNIK I LOVE YOUR STORY AND YOU ARE AWESOME FOR ACTUALLY WRITING IT OUT! Go you! biggrin biggrin biggrin Thanks for letting me read heart |
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Oh wow. That was so amazing and informative and wow. From now on, I'm showing you everything I write. XD heart
I'll definitely take those suggestions into account. When I'm done with the whole intro I'll go back and edit, but if I think about it too hard right now I'll give myself a headache. XD His powers make perfect sense to me, but it's hard to explain them, especially through someone who only barely understand them. It would be so much easier to write everything from Lyndsey's point of view, though a lot of the detail and more mature concpets would be lost on her naiive mind. I love Poisonwood forever for helping me write kids better. <3 Even if Ruth May does die. gonk |
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Xennik Oh wow. That was so amazing and informative and wow. From now on, I'm showing you everything I write. XD heart I'll definitely take those suggestions into account. When I'm done with the whole intro I'll go back and edit, but if I think about it too hard right now I'll give myself a headache. XD His powers make perfect sense to me, but it's hard to explain them, especially through someone who only barely understand them. It would be so much easier to write everything from Lyndsey's point of view, though a lot of the detail and more mature concpets would be lost on her naiive mind. I love Poisonwood forever for helping me write kids better. <3 Even if Ruth May does die. gonk I totally understand that. Yah, definitely only edit when you've had a chance to breath first and get a fresh perspective. Lyndseyyyyyyyyyyyyyy biggrin ! I need to draw her. heart And yes, as much as the theme and political statements behind Poisonwood Bible irritate me, I do heart it because of Ruth May. She's very haunting. A lot of me identified with her. She thinks the same way I think xd . and yay for writing kids confidently! go you! biggrin Kids make the world much more lively. |
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PLEASE tell me you did not have time to read that post before I edited it. >.<!!!!!! I meant beG okay, with a G. stressed
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Huh? No, I must have read it after the edit. XD
Well good! Now I won't feel like I'm pestering you making you read everything I write for it. XD <3 Well, I was afraid taht I didn't quite grasp their mentality, seeing as how I matured so quickly that my childhood kind of just disappeared. But thanks to Poisonwood, I think I'm getting the hold of it~ <3 |
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Xenny, I wants to makeses juu a BANNAR.
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Really? *v*
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Xennik Really? *v* Chis. |
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o-Raichu-o Xennik Really? *v* Chis. |
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