Naita's art contest- OVER! Winners start p. 366!

[Thick Paper]

[ . Mirage . ]

Thanks Pepstar. I appreciate that. Boy trouble. I love him so much, but he keeps hurting me and I am feeling increasingly worse and worse about myself because of our relationship. We've been together for almost 4 years, and it's so hard to let it go... but at this point, it's against my better judgment to be with him. Don't get me wrong - I WANT to be with him, but sometimes I wonder how I can allow myself to do that when I feel as bad as I do most of the time. And the worst part about it is that he doesn't put me down directly- ever. But his actions speak otherwise, so it's a a hard thing to really react to. It's just confusing because he's so inconsistent and all that... and I think anyone can see that it's confusing, especially when trying to explain it only takes me in circles.

And then there's the part about me leaving the country for like, 5 months straight and him not even seeming to care a whole lot. I thought he'd be making more of an effort to spend more time with me since he knows full well I'm going, but he doesn't. And that just kills me. And I'm starting to wonder if I like, smell weird or something...

You sounded like someone I personally know. From the start of the relationship, most people around her around her know it's not going to work but she loved this boy very much and she sometimes think she's going crazy because of it. When you're so passionately in love, you can be blinded by that love and be blinded to certain things around you. This girl is actually my sister. He told her everyday that she is fat but the truth is that she's so skinny she's all bone, but she started to believe what he was saying. ( don't know how it psychologically works, but if someone told you something long enough, you'll start to believe in it). She find faults in herself because he told her she had those faults. She thinks it's her fault that he doesn't like her. Sometimes, someone who's outside of that relationship can see things more clearly then you do, so ask their advice, especially if they are a close friends or family member. Don't be afraid or angry when they tried to tell you the truth.

If he really loves you, he wouldn't hurt you for no reason. You just have to know that there are other people around you that loves you very much. He's not your only world.

[blairy_blairy]

ProdigyBombay

sushi? junk food? whoaa

guhh. I LOOOOVE dragon rolls. grill eel + avacado. mmm.

*revives old topic* xD
YES. I learned this from my mother's Japanese coworker. In Japan, sushi is what people eat when there's nothing better to eat. It's not considered fancy food like it is here, and it's a HELLAVALOT cheaper there x_x

I'm going to Japan the summer before college with my family to visit her ^w^

[Allychan90]

ninja heart

[Schizophrenic Doll]

heart

[Miri-love]

formy4eyes

[ . Mirage . ]

Thanks Pepstar. I appreciate that. Boy trouble. I love him so much, but he keeps hurting me and I am feeling increasingly worse and worse about myself because of our relationship. We've been together for almost 4 years, and it's so hard to let it go... but at this point, it's against my better judgment to be with him. Don't get me wrong - I WANT to be with him, but sometimes I wonder how I can allow myself to do that when I feel as bad as I do most of the time. And the worst part about it is that he doesn't put me down directly- ever. But his actions speak otherwise, so it's a a hard thing to really react to. It's just confusing because he's so inconsistent and all that... and I think anyone can see that it's confusing, especially when trying to explain it only takes me in circles.

And then there's the part about me leaving the country for like, 5 months straight and him not even seeming to care a whole lot. I thought he'd be making more of an effort to spend more time with me since he knows full well I'm going, but he doesn't. And that just kills me. And I'm starting to wonder if I like, smell weird or something...

You sounded like someone I personally know. From the start of the relationship, most people around her around her know it's not going to work but she loved this boy very much and she sometimes think she's going crazy because of it. When you're so passionately in love, you can be blinded by that love and be blinded to certain things around you. This girl is actually my sister. He told her everyday that she is fat but the truth is that she's so skinny she's all bone, but she started to believe what he was saying. ( don't know how it psychologically works, but if someone told you something long enough, you'll start to believe in it). She find faults in herself because he told her she had those faults. She thinks it's her fault that he doesn't like her. Sometimes, someone who's outside of that relationship can see things more clearly then you do, so ask their advice, especially if they are a close friends or family member. Don't be afraid or angry when they tried to tell you the truth.

If he really loves you, he wouldn't hurt you for no reason. You just have to know that there are other people around you that loves you very much. He's not your only world.

Oh no no no. He never says stuff like that. He always tells me I look beautiful, or that he likes that I'm generous and stuff... he's always supportive, which is why it's so confusing when he doesn't want to hang out or breaks plans to do something else with his friends. If I'm such an awesome person, why doesn't he want to hang out with me? I'm sorry for your sister's situation sad That sounds really tough. But my guy doesn't put me down that way.

[blairy_blairy]

...that sounds like me... (your boyfriend)
My bf got really confused when I told him I can't go out with him all the time even if I don't have work to do because it's just the way my parents are (asian parents... Dx) and if I try and reason with them they'll say I'm ungrateful and I won't have a good future...

Maybe he has that same sort of problem as I did, and it's really hard to explain without sounding like you're trying not to go out. I always felt like I was being a jerk because my parents just wouldn't give me the flexibility I needed to sustain a relationship. We went out twice a month x_x

[Miri-love]

@ tengy: I've been considering that. And I guess it'll happen anyway, since he's going back to school for a month before I leave and I'll still be at home. Ehhh.

@ pepstar: No no, thank you for the book, it was really helpful <3 You made some really good points and while a few of them were hard to hear, I would rather hear the truth and have it sting a little than to have someone lie to me to save my feelings. I do have hope for him... so I guess we will talk... for the millionth time. I feel like I have expressed my feelings to him more than a few times, and he keeps saying he'll make it better, but it never gets completely better. Like, yesterday he surprised me at work and then we had lunch. It was awesome. We have so much chemistry (in my opinion) and he makes me laugh <3 Plus, he's really good looking. But then he sort of broke plans with me tonight because his dad wanted to take him suit shopping. I was really excited because my mom asked if he wanted to come over for dinner and she was planning a nice meal and everything. And while he didn't completely commit to the plans, I was still really excited because I thought "It's a wednesday night, what else is going on?" And the fact that his dad apparently has absolutely no other time at all ever to take him suit shopping bothers me. If he had just said "You know, it's really nice of you to offer to buy me a suit, but I was invited over to Erin's house for dinner already. Would you mind going another day?" then I can't believe his dad would have said "Absolutely not, you crazy kid!"

You know? neutral

[Allychan90]

Have you tried talking to him about it at all? I know with my boyfriend, unless I tell him everything, he's captain oblivious. D:

He might just be upset, but trying to hide it from you. (I haven't read everything so don't kill me if I sound stupid XD) He might not want you to know how he really feels about the situation... Most men don't like showing their emotions. He might just be confused on the relationship situation, and where he stands in your life. Maybe he just doesn't know what to do, he could be confused on how to be supportive.

So, if you haven't talked to him - maybe talk to him and make it clear on how you feel. If he can't take a hint, then I would maybe suggest taking a break until your trip is over, like Tengy said.

Hope my 2 cents helps. ^^;;

[Miri-love]

Soap Predator

...that sounds like me... (your boyfriend)
My bf got really confused when I told him I can't go out with him all the time even if I don't have work to do because it's just the way my parents are (asian parents... Dx) and if I try and reason with them they'll say I'm ungrateful and I won't have a good future...

Maybe he has that same sort of problem as I did, and it's really hard to explain without sounding like you're trying not to go out. I always felt like I was being a jerk because my parents just wouldn't give me the flexibility I needed to sustain a relationship. We went out twice a month x_x

I guess because my parents have given me freedom (but I've earned it) for the most part, I can't understand being in such a strict household. The thing I really don't understand though is that it never used to be like this. His parents never used to be so strict. Suddenly, he joined a frat and then suddenly, his parents would never let him out of the house to see me. However, sometimes he goes out with his friends for hours at a time. It's unfair of me to say that he spends a whole lot of time with his friends, because I know he doesn't. But sometimes he does get to go out with them and he seems to spend a lot of time out. Like, one night he said he played poker and D&D for 8 hours straight. ...he never spends 8 hours straight with me. Am I boring? neutral

[Allychan90]

gonk Oh my god... this sounds just like Rohan.

@__@; Ummm how old are you, Mirage?

[Thick Paper]

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Oh no no no. He never says stuff like that. He always tells me I look beautiful, or that he likes that I'm generous and stuff... he's always supportive, which is why it's so confusing when he doesn't want to hang out or breaks plans to do something else with his friends. If I'm such an awesome person, why doesn't he want to hang out with me? I'm sorry for your sister's situation sad That sounds really tough. But my guy doesn't put me down that way.

That's very good to know biggrin Just keep in mind that there are people out there that have worst relationship than yours.

[Miri-love]

Allychan90

Have you tried talking to him about it at all? I know with my boyfriend, unless I tell him everything, he's captain oblivious. D:

He might just be upset, but trying to hide it from you. (I haven't read everything so don't kill me if I sound stupid XD) He might not want you to know how he really feels about the situation... Most men don't like showing their emotions. He might just be confused on the relationship situation, and where he stands in your life. Maybe he just doesn't know what to do, he could be confused on how to be supportive.

So, if you haven't talked to him - maybe talk to him and make it clear on how you feel. If he can't take a hint, then I would maybe suggest taking a break until your trip is over, like Tengy said.

Hope my 2 cents helps. ^^;;

Well, I feel like we've talked many times about my feelings. I'm feeling taken advantage of, hurt, left-out, and unimportant. I feel like he knows how I feel, but doesn't really want to make the change because it means sacrificing some of the things he really loves. And I can't blame him for not wanting to sacrifice, which makes it hard for me. But then again, we went on a "break" this semester and I sacrificed my happiness for his freedom... so I guess I do know how it feels. But he's in a frat now and the whole world has been opened up to him. He wants freedom, and I just want someone to depend on. He's not really that person anymore because everytime we make plans, I'm biting my lip wondering when he's going to cancel... so there's really no depending on him to keep his word. Which sucks. I like my independence, but I'm afraid he and I just want too different things in order to make the relationship work anymore. Sometimes I think that he wants a different kind of girl now, but still likes me enough to try and mold me into that girl...

[Miri-love]

Allychan90

gonk Oh my god... this sounds just like Rohan.

@__@; Ummm how old are you, Mirage?

20. He's 21.

@ formy4eyes: Aye, that is true.

[Allychan90]

Well my advice to you would be to take another break. 5 months is a long time, you never know who you'll meet, and you'll never know what sort of emotions can come in to play...

This sounds cheesy but.... if he loves you, if he's really in love with Erin, he wouldn't try to change Erin. People change, it happens all the time. Rohan and I recently had a break because he thought we were too different... and other drama because he's going to college.

n_n; And in this sence... im kind of putting "trip" in the same place as college.

You're only 20, you're young, and there are probably a lot of other guys out there who wont tryto mold you in to what they want.

We're all still growing, including your boyfriend. If he's trying to change you now in his Frat phase... it'll be no different when he moves to a different phase and wants to mold you to his life again.

@_@; I hate to be the bringer of bad news but, maybe a break would be a wise step for now.....
>_< remember, "you don't know what you got, till it's gone."
D: He might seriously reconsider everything if you get serious to leave.

[p3p574r]

[ . Mirage . ]

Allychan90

Have you tried talking to him about it at all? I know with my boyfriend, unless I tell him everything, he's captain oblivious. D:

He might just be upset, but trying to hide it from you. (I haven't read everything so don't kill me if I sound stupid XD) He might not want you to know how he really feels about the situation... Most men don't like showing their emotions. He might just be confused on the relationship situation, and where he stands in your life. Maybe he just doesn't know what to do, he could be confused on how to be supportive.

So, if you haven't talked to him - maybe talk to him and make it clear on how you feel. If he can't take a hint, then I would maybe suggest taking a break until your trip is over, like Tengy said.

Hope my 2 cents helps. ^^;;

Well, I feel like we've talked many times about my feelings. I'm feeling taken advantage of, hurt, left-out, and unimportant. I feel like he knows how I feel, but doesn't really want to make the change because it means sacrificing some of the things he really loves. And I can't blame him for not wanting to sacrifice, which makes it hard for me. But then again, we went on a "break" this semester and I sacrificed my happiness for his freedom... so I guess I do know how it feels. But he's in a frat now and the whole world has been opened up to him. He wants freedom, and I just want someone to depend on. He's not really that person anymore because everytime we make plans, I'm biting my lip wondering when he's going to cancel... so there's really no depending on him to keep his word. Which sucks. I like my independence, but I'm afraid he and I just want too different things in order to make the relationship work anymore. Sometimes I think that he wants a different kind of girl now, but still likes me enough to try and mold me into that girl...

You should never change who you are, especially for someone who isn't willing to make sacrifices themself. Honestly, if he does know how you feel, but he's still doing this...give him an ultimatum. Say, "I don't feel like the emotion and investment I've put into this relationship is being reciprocated at all by you, and unless something changes, things aren't going to work out between us, because I can't be in a relationship where I feel like you don't want to make time to spend with me". Or something like that that gets the point across how serious you are.

Quote:

remember, "you don't know what you got, till it's gone."
D: He might seriously reconsider everything if you get serious to leave.

This is very true as well. If you've told him how you feel in the past and he hasn't changed, but you haven't given him any consequences for that, then he probably feels like he can get away with it (sounds harsh I know). If you really do leave, it might be a reality check for him, and show him you really meant it. Now, don't keep that hope up though, because if you expect him to 'come to his senses' for you, and he doesn't, then it'll break your heart even more. Better to be over and done with him, and if he does come crawling back...you'll have a clear mind, free of illogical reasoning, to decide what to do with him next.