Please Critique! ~THE PRINCE AND THE THIEF~

[XxFoncexX]

Plot line created by Kainu Komaru and Illustrated by Fonce. PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

Plot: A theif takes the Prince for ransom only, the thief later learns that the Prince wanted to leave with him. Thus, leaving the thief with a rogue prince.

(N/F) WILL BE UPDATING!













To be continued! Sorry it is a poor cliff hanger. Things came up...

[Alluring Aroma]

Very awesome. I love it so far! I want to read more. You have a really good plot going.

[XxFoncexX]

Alluring Aroma

Very awesome. I love it so far! I want to read more. You have a really good plot going.

Merci beacoup!! This is my first comic so that really means a lot to me. You will have to thank KaInu for the plot! ^^

[Alluring Aroma]

XxFoncexX

Alluring Aroma

Very awesome. I love it so far! I want to read more. You have a really good plot going.

Merci beacoup!! This is my first comic so that really means a lot to me. You will have to thank KaInu for the plot! ^^

Well you two really have something there. It's intriguing.

[XxFoncexX]

Alluring Aroma

XxFoncexX

Alluring Aroma

Very awesome. I love it so far! I want to read more. You have a really good plot going.

Merci beacoup!! This is my first comic so that really means a lot to me. You will have to thank KaInu for the plot! ^^

Well you two really have something there. It's intriguing.

I will be certain to let him know! *hugs* you made my day ^^ Merci!

[Alluring Aroma]

XxFoncexX

Alluring Aroma

XxFoncexX

Alluring Aroma

Very awesome. I love it so far! I want to read more. You have a really good plot going.

Merci beacoup!! This is my first comic so that really means a lot to me. You will have to thank KaInu for the plot! ^^

Well you two really have something there. It's intriguing.

I will be certain to let him know! *hugs* you made my day ^^ Merci!

You are very welcome. *hugs back*

[XxFoncexX]

ALSO, PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THE TITLE OR IF YOU HAVE ANY TITLE SUGGESTIONS! heart

[Idia]

There is very little build up in this. It doesn't feel like it starts in the beginning. I have no emotional attachment to whether or not this guy survives. Why would he lose his job because he was robbed? We might get more tension if he got into an argument with the landlord.

And then it starts to get confusing. This whole scarecrow thing seems to simply be for the sake of the Dorothy joke. And if these people don't bleed, that needs to be explained somewhere, because if he did manage to suck it up in the face of intense pain, he'd still bleed all over, proving himself not a scarecrow.

The rapunzel tower seems to be right next to the cornfield. After trying to ask somewhere where it was, turns out he didn't really need to? He just crawls out right next to it. And then manages to climb up the tower when he couldn't walk there to begin with.

The "stupid tower" font does not fit at all. It feel like it's trying to be "sparkly" without actually being so. It doesn't feel angry to me. If you don't listen to anything else I say, listen to this. Fonts can be very expressive, but you need to make sure you're using the right tone.

BUT, I did laugh at the chastity belt.

[XxFoncexX]

Idia

There is very little build up in this. It doesn't feel like it starts in the beginning. I have no emotional attachment to whether or not this guy survives. Why would he lose his job because he was robbed? We might get more tension if he got into an argument with the landlord.

And then it starts to get confusing. This whole scarecrow thing seems to simply be for the sake of the Dorothy joke. And if these people don't bleed, that needs to be explained somewhere, because if he did manage to suck it up in the face of intense pain, he'd still bleed all over, proving himself not a scarecrow.

The rapunzel tower seems to be right next to the cornfield. After trying to ask somewhere where it was, turns out he didn't really need to? He just crawls out right next to it. And then manages to climb up the tower when he couldn't walk there to begin with.

The "stupid tower" font does not fit at all. It feel like it's trying to be "sparkly" without actually being so. It doesn't feel angry to me. If you don't listen to anything else I say, listen to this. Fonts can be very expressive, but you need to make sure you're using the right tone.

BUT, I did laugh at the chastity belt.

I like the part where he argues with the landlord. I was never certain about how he would lose his job either.

The scarecrow was so he could spy and figure out where the tower was and learn how to sneak in during the day. To observe and spy on the people. Corn is actually really hard to see through. A tower might be hard to miss, but it's not supposed to be as close as it was/it was ridiculous and supposed to be comical. You can walk after being stabbed. Self defense classes teach you this. He fell after blood lost. Not because of the pain. The blood was asorbed by the hay at first and believe it or not, bleeding is nothing like in the movies. It's a lot slower and a lot less gushy. Blood is also really hard to express in black and white.

You don't see any corn around the tower- indicating that it's a good ways off.

The stupid tower font comes from "working with what you've got." It was the only thing with the most "grungey, angry, yelling" effect photobucket had. (Before it upgraded). Fonts are very expressive, but free sites keep them limited.

Honestly, the chastity belt was the only part where I felt like I was writing. I like writing comedy. I love to make people laugh. I started off with the wrong tone and finally found where I could make it mellow. I plan on making it more of a comedy later.

You did point out a few things I need to look back on and I say thank you for that. smile

[XxFoncexX]

XxFoncexX

Idia

There is very little build up in this. It doesn't feel like it starts in the beginning. I have no emotional attachment to whether or not this guy survives. Why would he lose his job because he was robbed? We might get more tension if he got into an argument with the landlord.

And then it starts to get confusing. This whole scarecrow thing seems to simply be for the sake of the Dorothy joke. And if these people don't bleed, that needs to be explained somewhere, because if he did manage to suck it up in the face of intense pain, he'd still bleed all over, proving himself not a scarecrow.

The rapunzel tower seems to be right next to the cornfield. After trying to ask somewhere where it was, turns out he didn't really need to? He just crawls out right next to it. And then manages to climb up the tower when he couldn't walk there to begin with.

The "stupid tower" font does not fit at all. It feel like it's trying to be "sparkly" without actually being so. It doesn't feel angry to me. If you don't listen to anything else I say, listen to this. Fonts can be very expressive, but you need to make sure you're using the right tone.

BUT, I did laugh at the chastity belt.

I like the part where he argues with the landlord. I was never certain about how he would lose his job either.

The scarecrow was so he could spy and figure out where the tower was and learn how to sneak in during the day. To observe and spy on the people. Corn is actually really hard to see through. A tower might be hard to miss, but it's not supposed to be as close as it was/it was ridiculous and supposed to be comical. You can walk after being stabbed. Self defense classes teach you this. He fell after blood lost. Not because of the pain. The blood was asorbed by the hay at first and believe it or not, bleeding is nothing like in the movies. It's a lot slower and a lot less gushy. Blood is also really hard to express in black and white.

You don't see any corn around the tower- indicating that it's a good ways off.

The stupid tower font comes from "working with what you've got." It was the only thing with the most "grungey, angry, yelling" effect photobucket had. (Before it upgraded). Fonts are very expressive, but free sites keep them limited.

Honestly, the chastity belt was the only part where I felt like I was writing. I like writing comedy. I love to make people laugh. I started off with the wrong tone and finally found where I could make it mellow. I plan on making it more of a comedy later.

You did point out a few things I need to look back on and I say thank you for that. smile

I also forgot to mention that the stabbing plays an important role in expressing the Prince's personality! So, non it was not just for the sake of the scarecrow..

[Idia]

XxFoncexX

I like the part where he argues with the landlord. I was never certain about how he would lose his job either.

The scarecrow was so he could spy and figure out where the tower was and learn how to sneak in during the day. To observe and spy on the people. Corn is actually really hard to see through. A tower might be hard to miss, but it's not supposed to be as close as it was/it was ridiculous and supposed to be comical. You can walk after being stabbed. Self defense classes teach you this. He fell after blood lost. Not because of the pain. The blood was asorbed by the hay at first and believe it or not, bleeding is nothing like in the movies. It's a lot slower and a lot less gushy. Blood is also really hard to express in black and white.

You don't see any corn around the tower- indicating that it's a good ways off.

The stupid tower font comes from "working with what you've got." It was the only thing with the most "grungey, angry, yelling" effect photobucket had. (Before it upgraded). Fonts are very expressive, but free sites keep them limited.

Honestly, the chastity belt was the only part where I felt like I was writing. I like writing comedy. I love to make people laugh. I started off with the wrong tone and finally found where I could make it mellow. I plan on making it more of a comedy later.

You did point out a few things I need to look back on and I say thank you for that. smile

I also forgot to mention that the stabbing plays an important role in expressing the Prince's personality! So, non it was not just for the sake of the scarecrow..

I did notice he was about to cauterize the wound. A little candle might not to the trick for such a big knife. A small fireplace maybe?
But we still don't see any blood whatsoever. Even when we see just a close up of his wound. I'm not saying it needs to gush, I'm saying it needs to exist.

The panels where he is crawling out of the corn are right next to the when we first see the tower. So, even if there is no corn in the picture with the tower, there is no time between him coming out of the corn and coming up on the tower.
Space is time. Give that big tower it's own page.

The font might work better if you draw it yourself. Use a ruler to stencil out the letters and work around them. Or use the bubble.

Most of these things you had to explain to me, I should be able to mostly understand just from reading it. His purpose in dressing up as a scarecrow to figure out how to get to the prince. His collapsing from blood loss rather than not being able to walk. The distance of the corn field to the tower.
More spaced paneling can help with some. Longer scenes may help with others.

[XxFoncexX]

Idia

XxFoncexX

I like the part where he argues with the landlord. I was never certain about how he would lose his job either.

The scarecrow was so he could spy and figure out where the tower was and learn how to sneak in during the day. To observe and spy on the people. Corn is actually really hard to see through. A tower might be hard to miss, but it's not supposed to be as close as it was/it was ridiculous and supposed to be comical. You can walk after being stabbed. Self defense classes teach you this. He fell after blood lost. Not because of the pain. The blood was asorbed by the hay at first and believe it or not, bleeding is nothing like in the movies. It's a lot slower and a lot less gushy. Blood is also really hard to express in black and white.

You don't see any corn around the tower- indicating that it's a good ways off.

The stupid tower font comes from "working with what you've got." It was the only thing with the most "grungey, angry, yelling" effect photobucket had. (Before it upgraded). Fonts are very expressive, but free sites keep them limited.

Honestly, the chastity belt was the only part where I felt like I was writing. I like writing comedy. I love to make people laugh. I started off with the wrong tone and finally found where I could make it mellow. I plan on making it more of a comedy later.

You did point out a few things I need to look back on and I say thank you for that. smile

I also forgot to mention that the stabbing plays an important role in expressing the Prince's personality! So, non it was not just for the sake of the scarecrow..

I did notice he was about to cauterize the wound. A little candle might not to the trick for such a big knife. A small fireplace maybe?
But we still don't see any blood whatsoever. Even when we see just a close up of his wound. I'm not saying it needs to gush, I'm saying it needs to exist.

The panels where he is crawling out of the corn are right next to the when we first see the tower. So, even if there is no corn in the picture with the tower, there is no time between him coming out of the corn and coming up on the tower.
Space is time. Give that big tower it's own page.

The font might work better if you draw it yourself. Use a ruler to stencil out the letters and work around them. Or use the bubble.

Most of these things you had to explain to me, I should be able to mostly understand just from reading it. His purpose in dressing up as a scarecrow to figure out how to get to the prince. His collapsing from blood loss rather than not being able to walk. The distance of the corn field to the tower.
More spaced paneling can help with some. Longer scenes may help with others.

The wound is not that big- it does not need the entire knife. I missed one scene where I forgot to draw the blood. Other than that, you do not even see the leg with the cut. There is blood on the close ups. It's the weird circle thing drawn around it. IT IS BLACK AND WHITE WHAT MORE CAN YOU DO!?

Again, it was supposed to be kind of close. It was for the comedy effect. It was not supposed to be a long epic journey.

Stencils are blasphemy. The bubble would tone it down. I wanted it in big letters across the screen. I added the words in digitally because I needed someone to help me with my English. So writing it would be risking an entire page.

You are the only one so far who has not gotten it. How much longer can you make a scene? It has taken ...8 pages just to get to the castle? The beginning of the comic is very slow, I need to keep people interested.

[Idia]

XxFoncexX

The wound is not that big- it does not need the entire knife. I missed one scene where I forgot to draw the blood. Other than that, you do not even see the leg with the cut. There is blood on the close ups. It's the weird circle thing drawn around it. IT IS BLACK AND WHITE WHAT MORE CAN YOU DO!?

Again, it was supposed to be kind of close. It was for the comedy effect. It was not supposed to be a long epic journey.

Stencils are blasphemy. The bubble would tone it down. I wanted it in big letters across the screen. I added the words in digitally because I needed someone to help me with my English. So writing it would be risking an entire page.

You are the only one so far who has not gotten it. How much longer can you make a scene? It has taken ...8 pages just to get to the castle? The beginning of the comic is very slow, I need to keep people interested.

There are things you can do. Mostly with different line qualities. Buy some different size pens.

How are stencils blasphemy? Prep work is what makes the final things the best it can be. You're already using a computer generated font, how are stencils different?

There is no character development. Whatsoever. The way this reads, it's not 8 pages anyway. It all blends together. It's actually all quite fast. He just gets up and goes and takes no time whatsoever to find this place which makes no sense. Why is this tower out in the middle of nowhere anyway?

[panty sniff]

I'm a huge stickler for panel layouts in comics. But I'm not sure if you're serious about it or not so...

[SeeleWolf]

XxFoncexX

IT IS BLACK AND WHITE WHAT MORE CAN YOU DO!?

You can do what you have been doing in the rest of the comic to show tone difference? I'm pretty sure it's called shading.

"BUT I CAN'T SHADE WITH PEN!" You scream annoyingly in all caps. Then I hit you over the head with a brick of common sense. You have been shading the whole. friggin'. time.

You could always darken the pants where he was stabbed to suggest that the blood is staining the fabric?

XxFoncexX

Stencils are blasphemy.

Well, actually, Idia didn't say "use a stencil," she said "use a ruler to stencil out the letters." So whether or not you believe stencils are blasphemous is irrelevant to the situation.

The comic could be cute with more work. And just for future reference, rather than getting defensive about your ignorance, perhaps try to actually learn?