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I wouldn't call them gay, more like sensitive or smarter than they seem.

For one, if you have a harem of girls, you cannot just choose one. It's not that simple. Especially if you know your choice could hurt someone, yourself, or both. I'm sure many people realize what a big mistake it is to piss off a tsundere, or a yandere for that matter. There are some harem leads that will try to cop a feel or two, but we know that once they try, someone else from within that harem is gonna kick his a**. There is a possibility that if he knows what's coming, then he won't try it.

But say he is bold enough to go through with that. Then if he does that to mostly one girl, then he would face the wrath from the others. If he does that to all of them, then he may either keep himself alive longer or sign his own death warrant. Mostly the latter since he would be consigned to the status of "pervert."

Also, imagine how devastating it must be for each girl to find out that he chose someone else over them. Sure, they may be violent, but inside, they're hurting just as anyone would after their beloved left them. I'm sure that he wants to spare the other members of his harem from that feeling, knowing that you've just been discarded for someone else.

Anyways, that's just my opinion. You don't have to take it seriously if you don't want to.
Several reasons
1. Incompetent writing
2. Making a protagonist as bland and forgettable as possible makes it easier for the writer or audience to put themselves in the role of the protagonist for that sort of wish fulfillment.
3. Harem genre adheres to certain rules so it doesn't end up becoming like School Days.

Quotable Genius

Because it wouldn't be harem, it would be hentai.

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If they were into it then it wouldn't be "funny".

Wrathful Shade

Because that genre exists purely on cockteasing. If a protagonist would take the opportunity given to him, there would be no show and it would just become hentai... which in most cases, if you're watching harem, you're likely better off watching hentai.

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