Dancing Doll

• Artist: o_O LOLWHUT O_o
• Description: A poem I wrote out of depression.
  Don't judge too harshly.
  I know I'm not the best.
• Date: 08/26/2010
• Tags: dancing doll

Take the key
And wind her up
Her poise is still
No life in those eyes.

The curtains fall
And out she goes
Her life a mystery
That nobody knows.

She springs to life
And begins to dance
All eyes on her
She never falters.

Spins and twirls
No control of her own
Turns and whirls
She remains all alone.

Patience, Patience
Her master says
No warmth she has
For the one who brought her.

She prays all day
And follows the night
Her emotions at bay
She still cowers with fright.

Take the key
And wind her up
Her poise is still
No life in those dead eyes.

Comments

[DarkRain4]

You did a good job of displaying how the girl is feeling at different times, but perhaps you could try and re-write it by connecting your stanzas and showing what made her feel those emotions? Why's she lifeless? What's making her feel so controlled and, it seems, hopeless?