Goodbye, Expected.

• Artist: Bitching Gophers
• Description: I'm not expecting this to win anything. All I want is your feedback. Please, don't try to tip-toe around my feelings. I want an honest critique from all who comment. However, please keep in mind i'm 13. Thank you for reading!
• Date: 08/06/2010
• Tags: goodbye expected

"I'm free at last!" Her her cry.
"But little bird, what if you die?"
"I shall not falter!" She said with a laugh.
"Oh, but we'll see..." His smile not even a half.

And so the bird soared through the sky,
Her feelings rose highest of the high.
But something happened, she only felt the plight.
I'm afraid this ended the little bird's flight.

And so take my heed and think of the bird,
Take nothing for granted, not even a word.

Comments

[LikesCake]

Well written, especially for your age. It may help the atmosphere of the poem if you add some imagery, but even without it, the overall message is good. Aside from that and the double "her", good work.

[Shrouded Nightmares]

Nicely written. I like it. But in the first line you wrote "her her cry. Do you mean hear?

[Bitching Gophers]

Thanks. Anything I can work on? biggrin

[Cap-cap-x]

Clever.