Up is Down

• Artist: Panic Pirate
• Description: One for you to figure out, but it doesn't take much figuring out, to be honest! Originally meant to lyrics, but I think it's now caught in between. Inspired by a significantly related conversation I had with a similarly piratey friend of mine :P
  
  Comments&ConstructiveCritique, as always :D
• Date: 07/06/2009
• Tags: afterlife reincarnation pirates ocean

Sail atop the waves of the night sea
"As you hold me, you hold me"
Lightning rips across the sky
"Will you say goodbye, you say goodbye"
A poppy pinned to your salt-soaked hair
"For when we get there, when we get there"
Tattered promises of an afterlife
Oh, what a life.

Hollow sun, dying star
Show me every corner of your heart
Lead me to the places the map forgot
And let me rest to explore
Pallid moon, fragile orb
Throw back to me the light you did absorb
So I wake to a broken ship, sand and insanity
Yet breathe once more

And I would sail the Earth's four corners and a fifth one too
If only they would lead me straight to you
The hardest part is over and is also yet to come
A waterfall before us at world’s end

Comments

[Kibroth]

Pirate,
First, thank you for being a fan, it's very encouraging to know that others appreciate my writing.
I like this poem, even though I'm not a big "pirate" kind of guy. Good imagery, unusual but interesting tempo and structure, excellent word usage.

Only critique I'd make is to be sure, before you publish anything, to spell check the document first (Lightning is spelled incorrectly). wink

-K

[Shadow_Angel_of_Night]

wow....such a beautiful poem
you are an amazing poet to turn a conversation into such a lovely creation.....
i have one thing to advize you on and that is no matter what don't let anyone stop you from writing the things you want....you'll end up with so many unique things that you'll be surprized by in the end

[Panic Pirate]

Thank you both of you! biggrin
Hmm.. I see your point Sunafire; it makes her hair sound like deep fried side dishes!! *changes word*

[Sunafire]

Lovely use of imagery there, and a very beautiful poem.
The only thing I have to say is I don't like the 'salted hair' maybe it should be salty? Maybe I'm just weird xD

But this poem is beautiful; truely inspirational.

[x-Asthenia-x]

Pahahahaaa!! Oh my- you actually managed to create something beautiful out one of the most hysterical conversation I've ever had! xd

I really admire your talent, here and in all your poems
It's both soothing and melancholy at the same time; it reminds me of a young wartime woman waving goodbye to her love as his ship slowly leaves the dock for some weird reason

Simply awesome, my friend biggrin