To End It All

• Artist: Odd the Lemur
• Description: This is actually the first poem I ever thought of. Bad thing is, my teacher read it and deemed me of having depression. I think it is good, but other peoples opinions count as well. I can take criticism, if you want, give me the most constructive criticism you have. Help me make my random poems better.
• Date: 03/30/2009
• Tags:

You regretted yourself
You said you made all life miserable
But, you were the one that put a smile on my face.

You blamed yourself,
You did everything to islote yourself.
yet, it was me that didn't do anything to help you.

I just sat back on the sidelines and watched.
And now, I regret myself.

I made your life miserable by not doing anything in your favor.

I can't smile anymore.
I blame myself for your pain.
I didn't give you a friend to depend on.

Now your're gone.
You....you had to end your life,
To end it all.

And now, I'm alone,
Ready,
To end it all as well,
Just to be with you.

See you, my dear beloved,
In our life after death.

Comments

[Odd the Lemur]

SuperTiToXtrem, I have always thought that poetry never always had to rhyme. To me, it was just a way to let my feelings out. I respect your criticism, and I will try to contemplate and use all the information you have given me. Thank you.

[wildflower2828]

I cant believed she deemed you as having depression. I dont take it as depression, I take as a way you express yourself.

[andriaarmas]

It is really good and really deep. I think that your teacher should not have said that because it is really sweet and good.

[flora_xiong]

i loved it...

[panada0746]

wow, i really like hat one.

[SuperTiToXtrem]

If you judge somebody by their poetry you do not understand poetry at all. The reward of any artist is freedom of expression and anyone who may limit anothers freedom to express themselves is unworthy of educating in any art form.

I am not a great poet but I do understand the flow of good poetry. You lack a lot of figurative expression and you miss out on many different poetic techniques like ryhming, repetition, assonance, and so on...

[SilverWillow-Magick-Wolf]

i thought it was really good better than any poem i ever wrote. 5/5