A Darknened Day

• Artist: Angelic_Soul_Keeper
• Description: For when I was lost and all I had was time to write
• Date: 07/16/2008
• Tags: darkness love hope

Darkness is closing in on me
You say to look for the brighter things in life
But all I can see brighter than this is dath
So I take a step back to see what I have done
Now all I have to do is jump over the line
Just before I do you grab my hand
You look in my eyes and tell me not to jump
That it's not worth it for me to die
When everything looks darker that the night
He says you can look for me to show you the light
Everything is not as bad as it may look
When you hold my hand
The darkness fades away because of you
So I guess things do get brighter

Comments

[SesshoumaruLover186]

Its good but more detail would help make a piscture and make it flow better.

[Eleiza0250]

needs revision- describe everything in more detail, less concrete and more abstract in the descriptions(that is, if you are going to use this as artistic poetry, not therapy poetry)

[Viral Agent]

Grammar Nazi: You spelled death wrong in the 3rd line.

It's nice, and I understand that you wrote to get through the bad stuff, but so does everyone. It's not exceptional, and I hate that you won't be prized for your literature simply because of the topic.