There have been times that when I was sad you were there. When I was angry, scared or even just needed someone to speak to when no one else was around you were there to cheer me up or even to listen. I feel like I had only taken that for granted, that I didn’t spend enough time with you when you were here. When I had left the house to attend school, I always called to check up on you.
When you were sick I always made sure that you were looked after. When I came home from school, I would tell you about my day… you got sick; I would call the hospital every day to check up on you when I couldn’t visit. But, I wish that I could have been there more for you… sadly, I cannot change time, I cannot do anything to make up for what I have done in the past…
The times I yelled, the times I cried… I just wish that I was stronger than I was so I wouldn’t have made you feel so bad… I would ask for money, I would ask for items that seemed like they were so far out of reach and now looking back on those things, I feel like I was just the worse and wished that I never asked for those things now and that they went to what you needed and not what I needed or wanted.
I wish, that I could have said that I loved you more often; I just hope that you knew that I did love you, even if I never said it… You’ve been in nothing but pain for over five years cause of all the past injuries that you’ve endured, from all of the things that you had to go through just to keep alive for us, your family…
But you’ve lived longer than you should have, and that proves how strong you were, just proved how strong you wanted to be for your family… though, I knew just how much you wanted to see your loved ones again, yet just not as soon as you had thought… I know that you wanted to be with us longer than that… But when you were in the hospital, maybe you knew that your time was coming to an end… or even before that… You saw a spirit even before going to the hospital, but that was normal wasn’t it?
But when you saw the spirits of your brother, your sisters, your son… maybe you knew on a level that it was closer than you thought… But you still kept trying to fight… you kept trying to hold on to a single thread of hope to stay with us. But, maybe your fear of being left in another place had won… what we all hope, was that your last thoughts of us, wasn’t that we were putting you away, for we promised, that you would always be with us.
When I was in the hospital one last time to visit you, I was so upset, claiming that this was ‘unfair’… maybe I was just being selfish once more, that making you stay would make things all the better, but deep down, I knew that it wasn’t fair to you… you were in pain, I miss you deeply, but… I hope that you find peace for the first time in years and that you are reunited with your family… I’m sure you have lots to catch up on right now… I love you Grandma… I always will.
Manage Your Items