• Bobby was my twelve year old little brother. He had a huge Cheshire cat grin on his face every hour of the day. His eyes were painted a bright, inquisitive blue and his hair was once the color of barley blowing in the wind. That’s right, I said once. You see, Bobby had been battling liver cancer since the Christmas before this one, and sad as it was, the cancer was winning the fight. I had just turned eighteen, and my boyfriend of three years, Mark, was finally having Christmas with us. Bobby adored Mark and I never saw him without Bobby tailing behind him. That is, until Bobby was instructed to stay in bed during Christmas.

    The day Bobby came home my mom grabbed me by my arm and pulled me away from all the rowdy family members that were awaiting his return. “Raelyn,” she said to me, tears in her eyes, “you know that this is Robert’s last Christmas.” I smiled up at my mother. Despite both my parents’ towering heights I had been cursed with the short genes. Even Bobby was as tall as me.

    “Yes ma’am,” I had accepted that fact long ago, and so had everyone else, “We just have to make this one his best one yet!” I stood on my tiptoes and kissed my mother’s cheek before striding back into the kitchen. I refused to cry at Christmas this year, and I had even promised Bobby I wouldn’t cry.

    “Everyone! I’m home!” Bobby rasped and his smiling face appeared into the front door, Mark pushing him in the wheelchair, sharing the same expression. I was the first to greet my little brother. His thin, pale arms were thrown around me as I hugged him back, kissing the top of his bald head. “Hey sis,” he smiled, kissing my cheek. I smiled and returned his excited, but weak greeting. My father walked into the house, wrapping his arms around my mom and hugging her tightly once she had spent what seemed like eternity hugging her son. “Let’s eat!” Bobby’s chagrin was once again dancing across his thinning face. His gums and eyes were swollen from all the chemo, so much so he almost didn’t look like the smiling boy I once knew.

    Mark wheeled him into the space between us right in front of a red plate with pine green trim. His blue eyes still held their twinkle as he gazed at everyone joining hands as the dinner prayer was started. Mark kissed my cheek and sat down on the other side of Bobby as the food began to get passed around, laughter and happiness feeling the air. The fact that it was Bobby’s last Christmas was forgotten with all the love flooding through my home.

    While everyone gathered in the living room one gift was passed to each of us, tradition in the Thompson household. I had received the gift Bobby picked out from me, and he had gotten the one I got for him. Despite the age difference and how much I denied it when we were little, he had always been my best friend. “Go ahead Bobby, open your present,” I smiled with hidden enthusiasm.

    Bobby grinned brightly and began to pull at the wrapping paper. His blue eyes filled with tears and his smile faltered as he began to play it off as a little joke. Everyone else was laughing, believing his playful lie, however I rose to my feet and walked over to stand beside him. I kissed his forehead and as I did that I started the opening of the present for him. From there on it was all too easy for him and he pulled the wrapping paper clean off.

    “Oh my god!” He cried, eyes wide and tear-filled. All the men in the room gasped except Mark, who just smiled. “An actual Alex Rodriguez signed baseball and glove!” His smiled brightly, picking up the baseball card that was signed as well.

    “Took me forever to get that you little turd. Countless Yankee games, and I don’t even like that team.” Bobby laughed at me and his smile was back.

    “Thanks sis,” I shrugged and said a soft ‘merry Christmas bugger’ at which he laughed. “Your turn!” I smiled and peeled the wrapping paper off the small box, opening it and my breath instantly catching in my throat. I pulled out the intricate silver charm bracelet and Bobby’s smiled grew bigger and bigger. My fingers danced across each little charm. The charms included a heart with “Big, best sis”, and smiley face, a hospital needle, a cell phone, a dog, and in the middle, a crystal locket. I opened it gently and tears began to cascade down my cheeks. On one side was a picture of Bobby and I when he was ten and I was sixteen, and on the other was one from just two months ago. The entire family was quiet as I stood again and walked over to my little brother whose arms were wide open. We hugged and I pulled away, sniffling. His thin hands wiped my tears away caringly.

    Sometimes I swore that kid was a man trapped in my little brother’s body. “You promised no crying,” Bobby smiled and I returned the smile as everyone quietly left the room.

    “And you promised you wouldn’t leave me Bobby,” my voice was barely above a whisper. Wouldn’t this look great? A twelve year old boy with cancer holding his eighteen year old sister together as she had a breakdown would be the icing on the cake of heartbreak.

    “In a couple of years, after I’m gone you’ll be with me. You’ve got to live your life too Sissy,” he smiled as I stood and began to wheel him to his bedroom. “I’ll always be watching over you, and I’m going to try and hang onto this life for as long as I can, but we both know I’m not going to be here much longer Sissy. I’m not scared to die anymore.” I kissed his forehead and set his signed baseball and glove on the foot of his bed.

    “You’re the bravest kid I know,” I smiled and curled up next to my kid brother.

    “And you’re the best big sister in the world.” Bobby smiled as I held his weak, thin body in my arms. “I love you Sissy.” I smiled and kissed his cheek.

    “I love you too Bobby.”

    ~~~~~~~~~~

    Bobby wasn't with us the following Christmas day. He died in my arms that night and God was there to take him on. He taught me something that year, a very valuable lesson of life. It’s my own lesson that I can’t repeat to you, however I can say that everyone is put on this world for a reason. As I sit here and watch my own children open their presents on Christmas day with my husband, Mark, I think back to my little brother and best friend.

    He was my guardian angel. He was my reason to live on and become who I am today.

    My fingers subconsciously dance across the charms and I’m filled with a fulfilling warmth. He’s here with us on this fine morning, and will forever be there until I go to Heaven to be with him.

    He was the bravest kid I've ever known.