• Dr. Kurtz saw very few child patients, but each one always provided a unique challenge to overcome. Billy Blaze would be no different.

    Dr. Kurtz began the workday by grappling into the Blaze household through a kitchen window left ajar. As he neared the window in his descent he turned his body narrow, sliding through the gap and landing with both feet flat on the tiled floor. The recoil swung Dr. Kurtz’s upper body foward, but fortunately, a strategically placed cushion caught his face before he could fall down.

    “Thank you for preparing everything for me in advance, Mrs. Blaze,” Dr. Kurtz said, removing himself from her cleavage. “Now, where is Billy?”

    “He’s upstairs,” Mrs. Blaze said, and shouted for him.

    Soon Billy Blaze, a young boy with a tussle of blond hair, bounded into the kitchen. His brow sank as he caught sight of Dr. Kurtz. “Oh, Mom, not ANOTHER psychatrist! I told you, there’s nothing wrong with me!”

    Just as expected. It was attempting to dismiss Dr. Kurtz in an attempt at self-perservation. A lesser doctor may have fallen for it, but Dr. Kurtz was far too masculine to let it affect him. “Hello, Billy,” he said, producing a brightly wrapped lollipop from his pocket. “I’ve got something for you.”

    All resentment vanished as Billy snatched the treat and unwrapped it. “Thanks!” He took a strong lick and toppled like an unbalanced statue.

    “That was the strongest cherry-flavored paralysis agent I could find,” Dr. Kurtz said. “It won’t last very long, so help me get him up to his room. We need to tie him down and prevent him from escaping.”
    They carried Billy upstairs and laid him on his bed. Cutting off a length of rope from the spool inside his bag, Dr. Kurtz began tying down Billy’s legs. “Now,” Kurtz said, “tell me what’s been going on.”

    “Billy’s never caused trouble before,” Mrs. Blaze said. “He does well in school and he’s always well-behaved, except when he’s trying to bite his brother.”

    “Mmmhmm.”

    “But lately he’s started talking about some ‘invasion of the Vorticons’. He says that the Vorticons are evil aliens who stole parts of his spaceship while he was exploring Mars.” Mrs. Blaze wrung her hands. “Now he keeps telling me they’re going to invade Earth. It’s very distressing. I tried yelling at him, but it didn’t work at all!”

    “That confirms it. I know exactly what your son’s problem is.” Dr. Kurtz pulled the last knot in place. “Billy is being possessed by a gremlin. Gremlins hide inside the stomachs of their victims and force them to behave against their will. I daresay that this outlandish story about an ‘invasion of the Vorticons’ is an attempt by Billy to break free from the gremlin’s control so that he can go back to causing trouble like most young boys should do.”

    “Oh my,” Mrs. Blaze said. “What can we do?”

    “There’s only one procedure that can remove gremlins,” Dr. Kurtz said. “Fortunately, it’s easily administered.”
    He removed a baseball bat from his bag and cracked it across Billy’s stomach.

    “OWWW!” Billy screamed.

    “It’s a little known fact that stomach gremlins are vulnerable to baseball bats,” Dr. Kurtz said. “All of the stomach acid they ingest softens their bones to a point where a few good smacks will turn them into mush.”

    CRACK! “OWWW!”

    “That looks very effective,” Mrs. Blaze said.

    Dr. Kurtz handed her the bat. “Now, all you need to do is keep bashing that gremlin once every five minutes for an hour. Keep doing this until midnight, but be sure to take a ten minute break between each hour to give your arms a chance to rest.”

    CRACK! “WHYYYYYY?!”

    “Thank you, Dr. Kurtz!” Mrs. Blaze said. “You’re a lifesaver!”

    Dr. Kurtz tipped his hat. “Just doing my job, ma’am. If you have any questions, be sure to give me a call.”

    The gremlin menace had been defeated…for now. But for how long? With these and other questions filed in the big folder called “Worry”, Dr. Kurtz fired his grapple through the bedroom window, and shot outside before the shards of glass could settle.

    THE FINAL VERDICT:

    Billy Blaze was cured of his gremlin infestation and is now being treated for unrelated mental illnesses.

    RATING:

    Next time, Dr. Kurtz delves into the tragic past of an alien patient with suction cups for hands. Can Dr. Kurtz restore the alien’s faith in humanity, or will this turn out to be…