• So many in the world, I see them in the sky at night and I can identify so many that are mine.
    I want life to be easy, but I know its not. Deep down I do, but I don’t want to believe it.
    I’ve created a mental world were all of my dreams are mine…and life is simple.
    I don’t want to go into reality and experience what I fear…but I know one day I’m going to have too.
    The more I think about it, the bigger this lump in my throat gets…why must I make it harder on myself?
    I have so many dreams that I can’t even count them all…but if I had to write [them all in] a list, there would only be one word – the world.
    That’s the only way I can define it to you…and to myself.
    I want to do everything in the world…I want to be the president, I want to own Japan, I want to become a teacher, an artist, I want to own a boat, have a street named after me…everything is my dream, but how do you achieve such things when you feel so insignificant? Sometimes I think their impossible, but then a flicker of hope burns inside of me still.
    Do you think I’m really capable of these things? Do I think I’m really capable of these things?
    Maybe one day I’ll have access to a rocket that’s set for the stars. Maybe [one day] my life won’t be so stressful and my family and I will finally live in a house that we don’t have to move out of in a month. Maybe I won’t have to postpone things anymore and stop having to make excuses to myself.

    Family and friends imply many things to me, but they just don’t work. I don’t think I try hard enough for them too.

    I hear word of this ‘promise land’ and how wonderful its going to be…will it be just like my mental world? And will I get all of my dreams if I go? Who know, maybe so. That will be for me to resolve in the end I guess.

    …I’m not sure what else to say…
    I just…feel down, I just want to be the target of my dreams but I feel like their missing the bull’s eye…it’s depressing.
    I’m not insightful of my own problems. How do I expect to help the world when I can’t even help myself? I don’t know, it’s a mystery to me as well.

    Placing the pen and book on the night stand beside my bed, I stopped/stop my mind from pondering these thoughts.
    I turn out the light and fall asleep.
    Tomorrow will be a new day…a better, worry-free healthful day…I hope.