searching

• Artist: alphaking-x
• Description: its about a boy has nothin in life to search for
• Date: 11/29/2008
• Tags: alone

eyes shut alone by myself searching for the right one for me keep going around searching rest for minute then back on my feet then nothing to seach fori can never find one for me no one can find me so i should stop searching please help me find someone soon one person wakes me up with pretty eyes pretty face but soon as i can see the face again i pasted out from the beauty she holds then when i woke up i nevered seen the face again but never gave up searching for that same face again I will never forget her face but as soon I saw the same girl walking through the forest just to find me. i ran for her as soon as she saw me she turned around we kiss heart we both loved each other as soon as we know it we wered married and loved each other forever know he got something to search for biggrin

Comments

[iNeonSkittlez]

yeah i totally agree with the others... bad grammer and you really need to fix your punctuation.

[alphaking-x]

that hurts a little T-T

[II pLaYbOi II]

Yeah you need to punctuate because that looks like nothing but a run-on sentence

[alphaking-x]

ill try to find the errors.

[Menstrual Leakage]

It's a good concept, but it's really confusing, due to the poor grammar. As the other person said, you should probably fix those errors.

You don't really write enough to explain the story. Why is he lost? How does he pass out before she finds him? How long does it take to find her after that? How could they fall in love by simply looking at each other? Why was she walking through the forest?

There is a lot that could be fixed, but it seems like an OK story.

[alphaking-x]

ok thx for the information

[reality rejection]

Hey. Um.. You need punctuation, proper spelling and grammar.
It's an ok plot, but the words don't articulate it properly. I suppose it would depend on how old you are.