• Short Swords and Pizza Pie

    Short story by Kido Itimaki

    An elf ranger is lying on the cold hard stone floor. Blood is pouring out of her stomach at a steady and slowing rate. Her dwarf cleric friend has a glowing hand over her, healing her with powers of a virtuous and kind deity.
    “Are you almost done, Dormang?” the human warrior shouts as he slams his axe into the head of a troglodyte, creating an even more fowl smell than the lizard already emitted.
    “She needs more time!” The dwarf Dormang calls. A kobold bravely approaches the elf and Dormang with a dagger in hand, not even ten feet away the kobold bursts into flames and runs around the room, desperately trying to put the flames out. Finally it falls face first on the ground, still smoldering until it turns into an unrecognizable charred mess.
    “Dreajna!!!” Dormang calls to the tifeling warlock frying all the lizard-people she can reach with her flaming long sword.
    “Sorry,” She calls, “Good thing I put up that fire barrier.”
    Suddenly a voice reverberates around the walls of the dungeon, “Will! Whatcha doing?”

    “Go away Stacy!” Will says pushing his 12-year-old sister away from the card table in the basement. Alex sighs, Chris laughs, and Will turns a deep red.
    “Listen, Stacy,” Kyle says, his hand on Stacy’s shoulder, “This is a grown-ups game, but you can listen to what’s happening.”
    “Yeah,” Jenny said, “You three don’t mind, do you?”
    “I guess not,” said Will, “But as long as you stay quiet.”
    “Don’t worry, I will!” Stacy replied, smiling. She down next to the half open pizza box. She pulled out a piece of pepperoni and took a bite.
    “Stacy, if you have any questions, just ask me,” said Chris.
    “Okay,” said Stacy, chewing on her pizza.
    “Okay,” Said Will, “So, where did we leave off?”

    The human tries to keep the lizard-men back, a flurry of steel, sweat and swear as he pushes them through the wood door, closing it. He shoves his back against the door as blades crash against the wood nearly piercing through his head, he responds with a few stabs with his short sword through the door, every time it returns, blood is stained on it.
    “I, Rothgar Steeltamer will smite you all!” The human calls stabbing wildly at the pounding wooden door of needles.
    “Rothgar calm down!” Dormang yells, “You’re making them even angrier!” As if on cue, fire burst through the holes on the door, nearly singeing Rothgar’s ear.
    A deep growling voice on the other side proclaims “You have dared stolen from the great Emperor Dragule! Return what you took and I may be merciful!”

    Kyle looks at his miniature backed against the door and proclaims “Aw, crap!”
    “I never thought Dragule would follow us here!” Alex exclaims, “If he reaches me, I’m done for!”
    “Chris?” Stacy asks, “Who’s Dragule?”
    Chris explains, “You see, Stacy, Me and the others recently got a job to invade the castle of the Dragonborn Lord Dragule, find the talisman that he uses to control his lizard-men minions and give it to the eledarin wizard Myarian who knows the incantation to break the spell. Dragule is this evil monarch who took over the city of Ganran after the king died by his hand, he was the king’s most trusted aide. After he killed the king, he locked up the prince and got the talisman we stole.”
    “Ohhhhh…” Stacy exclaims, taking another bite of pizza and another swig of root beer.
    “Okay,” Will says, “If there are no more questions, let’s continue.”

    Suddenly, a hole opens, dropping a ten-foot long poisonous snake in front of Dormang and the elf.
    “Dormang!” Drejana calls, “Protect Aeirwien!” Dormang stops his blessing and watches as Aeirwien’s wound heals completely.
    Dormang picks up his warhammer and shouts “Give it your all, you over-grown earthworm!” The snake didn’t like the tone his prey used saying whatever it said, so it lunged. Dormang dodged to the side, and slammed his hammer into the snake’s skull pattern on its head. The snake’s skull caved, embedding shards of bone into it’s…
    “EWWWWWW!!!!!”

    “What is it Stacy?” Will said.
    “I don’t like where this is going,” said Stacy, “Please try to keep it simple.”
    “Okay, fine,” Will sighed.

    So anyway, the snake’s head got crushed so Dormang killed it. Dormang lets out a long bellow, beats his shield and screams, “Let Pelor have mercy on your spirit, foul beast!”
    “Now who’s telling who to calm down, Dormang?” Rothgar exclaims, despratly holding back the wall of wood, steel and flame.
    “It seems he spirit of war has invaded my soul!” Said Dormang. Suddenly, an arrow zipped past Dormang and Rothgar and strikes a kobold in between the eyes. Blood sprays out and stains Rothgar’s armor with crimson paint.
    “Wait!”

    “What is it Stacy?” Will said.
    “Where did the paint come from?” Stacy asked.
    “There is no actual paint involved,” Chris explains, “The blood from the kobold got on my armor as if I threw paint on it.”
    “Ohhhhhhhh…” Stacy exclaimed again, taking another bite of pizza.
    “Can we please continue?” Will said.

    Aeirwen rose to her feet, coughing up blood and propped up on her longbow.
    “Looks like the elven princess is alive and well!” Dragule taunted.
    “Sorry I fell asleep,” Aierwen said, nocking an arrow, “Didn’t think you’d be worried about me.” She let go of the arrow into another hole in the door, this time; blood and yellowish green bile flew out, stinking up the room again.
    Fire burst through the holes again, as Dragule exclaimed, “You will pay for killing my subordinates!”
    “Sorry,” she said coughing up blood, “This time, I won’t miss.” She armed three arrows as they zipped through the holes with flawless accuracy. She quickly drew her sword and sliced the throats of three kobold assassins about to kill her. She threw her sword at the closest troglodyte as the flying blade sliced its head cleanly in half. She flew at the lizards overpowering her tifeling friend and easily dispatched five of them at the first ten seconds. Suddenly, door exploded in a storm of fire, a large red lizard/man stood at the opening, charbroiled kobolds and troglodytes surround him. The party hasn’t seen this person before but they instantly knew who it was. Dragule.
    “You shall feel the full fury of my wrath, puny, warm blooded peasants!”
    Suddenly, deep breathing permeated the room.

    Stacy fell asleep on the couch. A half eaten slice of pizza beside her.
    “She fell asleep,” Jenny says, throwing away her pizza.
    “I think she has the right idea,” Kyle says, yawning.
    “Okay,” Will says, “Next time let’s go to Kyle’s, agreed?”
    “Agreed,” the other four said in unison.
    “Hey,” Alex says, “Maybe we should invite Stacy in sometime.”
    “Yeah,” Will said, looking at Stacy, “Sometime.”

    The End