• I don't know how I got this way. No, I did know but I just didn't want to think about it. All I knew was that I wasn't always like this. Not always afraid of everything that surrounded me. But now, I was. I always stayed in my room to hide from the evils of the world. My room was a safe place, but not the safest, though it was as safe as I'd ever be. There was absolutely nothing in my room but me. No bed, no dresser, nothing. There was just me, and I was okay with that.

    My mom understood but to an extent. She always assumed I was just paranoid and left me alone. I guess I had pissed her to no end at one point because one day, she said she was leaving on a business trip. My cousin from New Jersey came all the way out here to take care of me while she was gone. That was three months ago. I accepted abandonment from the woman that gave birth to me. I honestly didn't care though since she never understood me like my cousin did. He was scared of everything happening to me, just as I was scared of that everything.

    Everyday was the same, except for today. Some family had just moved in to the neighborhood. This would not have affected us but it did for that family decided to make their prescence know to everyone. I don't know what time it was when they came over (I estimated it to be about noon) and I could hear them through my thin walls. They sounded nice, and apparently had a son. The center of the room was where I wanted to be but I had scooted just inches closer towards the wall. I listened.

    "You have a younger cousin?" The assuming mother of the family asked.

    "Yes, I do. She's about your son's age and is a bit shy but I think they'll get along," I hated my cousin everytime he tried to do this. He wanted me to be normal, to have friends like I once did and everytime I did try but the fear of leaving the room took over and that "friend" was gone. The conversation had grown faint and soon there was a knock at my door. I jumped, then listened.

    "Shiloh, there's some one here to see you," My cousin replied. A wave then hit me, my heart raced. I hadn't seen a human in a surprisingly long time, and just the thought of being alone in my safe place with this person bothered me.

    "Tell them to wait at the door," I replied in a groggy tone that quickly grew soft and nearly inaudible. I hated my voice. No, I was scared of my voice. I sat there for several minutes in complete silence that was soon interrupted by a knock. I had to calm myself down before I let this stranger into my world but I guess I was taking too long. I stood up and inched towards the door, my hands growing tense and sweaty at the sight of the doorknob. Just grab it and you'll be okay. I held my breath and opened the door.

    It had barely opened, but just enough for this boy to slip inside. I quickly shut it and backed to the farthest corner, hugging my legs and watching him. He had a rather surprised look on his face when he saw that my room was completely empty. I knew he wanted to ask why but he just looked at me and smiled. "So, what's your name?"

    Wait, was he just talking to me? Like I'm normal? He wants answers. He's probably plotting to kill me or do some murderous thing to me. But, I tried to act normal.

    "Shiloh," I spoke though it sounded muffled through my knees. He approached me, causing me scoot back farther into the corner, and sat down. "Shiloh?" I nodded.

    "That's pretty awesome. My name is Brendon and I just moved here," "Brendon" held out his hand and I just stared at it. I wasn't going to touch him, I didn't want to. I'd get a disease or that fear would come again. Right now it was sitting on borderline. I shook his hand. I didn't want to but I did. "You okay?" The first question of annoyance. I gritted my teeth but just nodded in reply. I couldn't tell him what my problem was since he'd never believe me.

    "Just don't get out much," I replied and tried to hide my face so he couldn't know how sickly I actually looked. Brendon's face was expressionless for a moment but then beamed, and it scared me. "Want to go outside then? Maybe you can show me around,"

    I felt my throat close up. I gasped out for air softly and wanted to protest, but he'd never understand. "Sure," Oh I was starting to hate myself for what I had just done. Fear went over the edge and was slowly taking over me. I stood but could not move or maybe I just didn't want to. Either way, Brendon grabbed my hand and dragged me out. I was scared shitless.

    The sight of my cousin and Brendon's parents in the room made me tremble, and so did the expression on my cousin's face. He wanted to know. He wanted to know why I came out of the room and why I was going outside. I asked myself the same question. Why was I trusting this complete stranger when I have this fear.. this problem... this phobia.

    I held my breath as the front door swung open. My heart pounded and I could feel its beating waves go throughout my body. My legs started to give out but I kept walking. I made it outside... the dangerous place. This is the place I feared and I was being dragged into it. I felt dizzy and sick, desperately wanting to retreat to my safe place but I had to fight fear and the urge with each step. Though with those each steps I was accepting my defeat. I made it off the porch, and that's when I lost it.

    I ripped my hand from Brendon and raced back through the front door with no hesitation whatsoever. I ran back into my room and shut the door, letting the fear disappear. Then I could hear my cousin talking, no, shouting.

    "What did you do?" He asked in a stern tone.

    "I didn't do anything, sir!" Brendon replied in complete shock. "I.. I just took her outside since she said she didn't get out m-much!" I didn't like it when people put the blame on me, but I was this time. I didn't tell him. I couldn't tell him and I didn't want to. He'd be just like everyone else and think I was a freak. Think I was a monster and then ditch me for cooler friends that weren't so twisted. There was talking but I forced myself to block out the words. My cousin was explaining my problem.

    "Oh dear, is she alright?" Would be the first response. It always was.

    "She needs help," Would be the second. The comments were always the same and I hated it.

    I blocked out the comments. I blocked them out from my world and I wish I could block out Brendon but I couldn't. Minutes later he burst into my room and shut the door behind him. I burried my face and could feel him sit next me.

    "You should have told me," I mentally sneered but my body trembled. "I wouldn't have forced you if I would have known," A sigh was released from his lips. I glanced up just briefly before I hid my face again. I didn't want to talk to him. I was scared of Brendon.

    "What's it like?" He finally asked. I gave a puzzled look though I know Brendon couldn't see it. "What's it like, to be scared of everything?"