• The doubt often feels like walking through a pitch black hallway; I can't see where I'm going. The feelings of solitude and being totally ignorant to your emotions completely ruin me from time to time, but I still thrive on better times. I have to.

    For the thousandth time, I can't fall asleep due to the amazing amount of things circling my brain. There is so much to think about, but for some reason it is impossible to file through it all. The moment I think I have everything all figured out, another factor finds its way into my head and once again I stay awake trying to piece it all together so it makes sense. Questions arise and I am required to have them answered. However, nobody else can answer my questions. I have to answer them on my own, but am I really the right person to do it? Of course not. I am the epitome of irrationality; paranoia. I tend to make things much worse for myself in an attempt to make things better. My mentality is my own worst enemy on many occasions.

    I've become as fragile as a newborn; craving to be assisted and loved, but it seems that every person I turn to has their own business to attend to. I have no place in the busy schedule of the world, or him. According to my heart, the days he pushes me away feel like the worst days of my life. Every single time he bats away my hand when I try to hold him and every time he evades my kisses splits me in two like a block of wood that has been taken to with a freshly sharpened axe. He fails to realize his importance to me and how often I doubt my importance to him. Perhaps my aforementioned irrationality and paranoia are just making things worse than they actually are. One thing is for certain: I love him with all my heart and if ever he decided to disappear from my life, I think my life would have to disappear from itself.