• April 16

    Sometimes at night, I sit on my bed and stare at the window. I want to say that the moon glistens high in the sky while the stars dance brightly around it as the world sleeps. But here, the moon only gives off a dim glow with only a few scattered stars blinking faintly while sirens scream and tear down the streets, mixed in with the loud laughter of gangsters and wannabe gangsters. Sometimes they're really interesting to watch at night when I'm unable to sleep. It can be worthwhile at times.

    There was one time where I saw a group of bandanna-wearing, tattoo-bearing guys beat up a fat man on his way home from work. They beat him, spat on him, kicked him while he was down, only to be dragged up again. They laughed as they stole his watch and wallet before pulling down his pants and kicked him down again. "******** PIG!" one of them screamed as another one loudly oinked, all of them laughing obnoxiously as they left him with nothing but misery and shattered pride--if he had any. Pitifully, the man sniffed as he pulled his pants back up and proceeded to walk the rest of the way home. I watched it all with mild amusement.

    I stared at the man, boring my eyes into his back while he walked. Perhaps he heard something, or he felt my eyes piercing through him, but he stopped and turned back, looking around before settling his eyes on me. Our eyes met briefly before he sniffed pathetically and turned away, resuming his walk. I saw a hint of a tear trailing down his pudgy face.

    It was at that moment I wondered what it would be like to be that pathetic, to be pitiful. Then I wondered about that man. Was he happy with life? How humiliated was he right now? Was this the first time an incident like this happened to him? Did he have a family? Was he depressed? I bet he's just a lazy fat-a** with a minimum wage job and watches porn back in some shabby apartment where nobody wants him. The last thing I asked myself before going to bed was: what would happen if he killed himself?

    I laid down in bed and turned over to go to sleep. Before drifting off, I thought to myself: that would be rather amusing.