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  • Artist Info: "sigh" i'm confused right now i really want to be with her but i'm just another guy in her day that's asked her out and i know i should move on but she means everything to me and i just wish she could see that but even if she did i might scare her sure i'll admit i've become so attached that i'm obssesed though i perfer to just see it as my devotion to her as she's the only one to ever cross my mind in that way i've waited for 9 years to find someone like her someone that would make me feel as if i just skipped life and moved onto paradise and i did i found her but that brings me back to how do i let her know that i truely care for her? i write poems i write songs to vent out the pain of not being with her i'd walk it all the way to her home if that's what it took to prove my affection for her hell i lost 60 pounds because of how happy she got me and for every time i thought of her when i did my excersises it seemed to keep me going to tell you the truth she's the reason i haven't gone to become a marine a navy seal or just the plain military i figured my life is so sad and painful that i may as well go put my physical tallents to use for this state so that those that are happy could keep that though now i'm left wanting to be part of that happy, again i found it but i'm affraid that i'm not enough for her to even think twice about and well i guess i'm the one to blame for letting myself fall into this sorry state of being and even what's more i somehow fell in love with her over an online game pretty silly to say but i didn't think i'd let go of my logical proverbs and fall for her here wow i don't even know where to start with what part her makes me feel whole just the name phonetiva phommyvong should be its own definition but i don't care if she reads this on the day she comes back this'll be my way of letting her know how much i care for her i suppose though hmhm something tells me that when you're done reading this that you'll be thinking "oh god... what a freak" you can call it what you want but this is what i really feel for you behind the words of the best friend you see me to be...



    well here's some poems i wrote with some cemmentary on what inspired me ect...

    I still love you...
    --------------------
    oh my love how it pours like the rain
    each drop gently saying
    "I love you"
    every time i turn around
    i find that you were never really there
    i find again that you were scared of letting me love you
    but please don't leave me here to walk alone
    because i can't fight this strife on my own
    so please let your bright light shine on me
    so that i may find my way to a better day
    one to be spent with someone i hold close and true
    one to whom i can say "i love you"
    but seriously what do i have to offer to someone great like you?
    at times i pretend that you're already mine
    but i find this to be a lie every time i look to your eyes
    always i break down and cry
    wondering why would you ever love me?
    oh with the way we are i should've realized that we could never be
    but i feel only your love can set me free
    around you i can be me
    feeling like my most
    feeling that i can boast of all that i am
    feeling like i can take one last stand
    againsts my cruel bitter life
    that bites me every time i try to smile
    deep down inside i know i won't be ok
    without you i feel like i won't live to see another day
    so here tonight i pray
    just please baby let me love you...

    (this is something i wrote on a really sad and lonely friday night, again about phonetiva i couldn't stand the aching pain in my heart at all i felt like i was just going to drop dead any minute that night and just never wake up. I asked her out but she avoided answering me so she just shrugged it off with an it's ok don't worry we're still friends but that's not what i wanted to hear at the least.. it would've helped if she said no and i asked her if she was going to turn me down that she do it harshly and because she didn't i'm left in this horrid state. Sad like i've no where to go no reason to smile sure i laugh but that's just a mask that seems to fool everyone all to well.. Inside i'm real sad so far gone like i'm just barely hanging on to the tip of a dagger, around her she made me feel so free i could be me something no one has ever made me feel and i waited for someone like her for 9 years wearing this same ribbon with the one wish "i wish to be with someone that'll let me be me and allow me to freely express myself and show my way of showing affection toward her by doing whatever i could to make her happy along with myself" i thought she was the one but i guess i just wasn't good enough for her standards i'm always never good enough for anyone. not friends not family,nobody...)

    Thinking , dreaming of you
    _____________________
    Tears fall without knowing the reason why.
    This is me at night, trying not to cry.
    Empty wishes filled only with sorrow.
    Here I lie desperately clinging to tomorrow.
    I can't stand, nor can I sleep.
    No matter where I am the thoughts of you crawl or creep someplace deep.
    I peirce my heart and with it my soul.
    But still the bell of doom takes toll.
    The emptiness seeps into me and I give a sigh.
    For here tonight is where i die.

    (yeah same person to inspire me for this poem i was or more like am going insane i couldn't get her out of my mind i don't know why i try to tell myself alot of the times you're just that stupid moron she can talk to after when she has nothing to do why continue feeling for her what she doesn't for you forget about what could have been and just be done with it but i guess if i tried to say that i'd only be lying to myself, to my feelings...)

    Dreaming of you
    _____________
    When I close my eyes I dream of you.
    i Can't sleep at night because I want to be with you.
    i Don't want to live,and i don't want to cry
    Without you by my side.
    When I go to sleep at night
    I ask God to make my days bright.
    I know he will do it - I know it is true.
    Because he knows I only want to be with you.
    I hear your voice inside my head.
    I can imagine us together again.
    I know it will happen - I know it is true;
    Because I asked God if I can be with you.
    I see you and I together again;
    Holding hands and feeling grace.
    What a beautiful feeling - I wish it were true.
    But I am only dreaming - dreaming of you
    (this is something i wrote though someone stole the poem from me and posted it on some love poems web site but i guess that's what i get for not patenting it like the rest but i wrote this with the happy thought from before i asked phonetiva out that i was all like ah don't worry you're a real good guy and deserving of someone nice like her the chances are slim of her saying no well i was wrong.. but i was just thinking about how i dream of a happy life with someone in my dreams it was always a shadowy figure in place of a person but one day she took place of that figure and i'd rather not go into details of the dreams they hurt to much to even think about right now.. but it reminded me of when i prayed every day that i might find mrs. right soon thought it might be her but no i was so wrong i didn't think about this: was i the right one for her? i wasn't...)

    For you my sweet
    ______________
    To look into your eyes is to gaze into the sky,
    So beautiful with the stars and the heavens inside.
    To see your smile is to see the divine,
    This poem is for you, sweet love of mine.

    (this is something though yazmine probably doesn't remember the day i said "wow phonetiva actually trusts me enough with giving me a photo ^^" she said in turn "so what was it like looking at her?" that poem was what came out of my mouth as i typed it..)

    None befitting
    ___________
    There are no words to describe how beautiful she is,
    how special she is, or my love for her.
    To put these things into words would be to define them,
    To quantify them, which means to limit them.
    There would be a beginning and an end.
    There is no definition fitting, nor any limit,
    nor beginning or end to her beauty,
    or to how special she is, or my love for her

    "something else you probably don't remember yazmine hmhm you wanted me to say something deep to express how i really felt for phonetiva another one that i uttered as i typed.)

    The one i wish to see
    _________________
    If there's one face I want to see,
    so beautiful, so true,
    one smile that makes a difference,
    to everything I do
    If there's one touch I long to feel,
    one voice I long to hear,
    whenever I am happy,
    or just needing someone near.
    If there's one joy, one love,
    from which I never want to part,
    it is you the owner of my heart.
    (i was just sitting at the river again being my usual depressed self as of yet thinking and thinking i wanted some company but no one came by not to say hi or even to look at me just watching them as they all were having fun with eachother while i just sat there envying them i saw a couple just walking by the river bank holding hands laughing it made me feel so alone when i looked at myself i just sat there stiffly not moving crying without even knowing it i stared blankly into the sky wanting to be loved by somebody, someone to have someone to really let me be me around without being made fun of for what i am or condemed as my first girlfriend and my last from what it seems like at this point in my life her words "you're the biggest fuc*ing mistake in my life" now i'm starting to believe those words and starting to wonder am i really the nice person i brag myself to be? or am i just lying to myself trying ot believe in a figment of my own imagination...)

    No name
    ________
    she is the end of the rainbow
    she is every man's dream
    she is creation at its finest
    More beautiful than I can believe
    she is a view from a mountain top
    she is a kiss, she is a hug from the one you love
    she is the full moon on a clear night
    she is more than a woman, she is..
    a wishful dream never to be..
    (i wrote this when i was thinking about finding the right person for me that would appreciate what i did and the pain i put myself through to show my love for her though the more i started to think about the perferct woman the more i came to realize that i would never find anyone like that thustly giving me the sad ending i put there "a wishful dream never to be.." )


    phommyvong...
    ___________
    i remember the first time i saw you , a simple avitar as beuatiful as can be, your words touched my heart and completed me when i spoke with you, i was talking with an angel from heaven above your melodious voice made me fall in love i began to have all these feelings because i felt that i found the woman in my dreams the sun came out, it's beams did not compare to what i feel for you, you've made me feel so nice and warm inside, these are feelings i cannot hide i will never forget the day i met you for the memories are kept within my heart and simply won't go away every time i was able to speak with you i felt my life was made a paradise i felt as if heaven embraced me when i heard your voice this thought was so beuatiful i only wish it came true, just me and you every time i heard you i could feel such care even when my heart broke though i feel that nothing will heal me... i will never forget that summer it was the only time that i was able to be with you the good times.. how i miss them you were always there for me through the good and bad they were the best days of my life without you i don't know what to do only the pain and what it tells me to i wish you knew the effect you have on me with a sinlge sound of your voice you're all i ever wanted in my life such a wonderous woman i would do any inconcievable act to prove my love to you i'll love you ti'll the moon no longer shines i'll love you ti'll the winds seize to blow i will love you ti'll the sun never takes rise i will love you forever even with knowing that you're not mine you're my best friend you always will be though behind those words i just want to say:
    you're the world to me i offered my heart to you but obviously again i wasn't enough, just another pathetic strife in my lonely life...

    (this is just a watered down version of her and i there's actually more that she made me feel but if i put it in i would be making and epic poem and it hurt me to much to dwell on our past together it was already painful and sad as it was when i wrote this..)

    The love i long for
    ----------------------------
    So far away and yet so very close,
    I yearn for your love with the greatest of hope.
    To meet you, my sweet, I'm trying to cope.
    The touch of your hand, the look in your eyes
    The feel of your soft lips will soon arise.
    Together we will be, one day soon
    Patience is a virtue i have crooned.
    So until then my love, I will wait
    Dreaming of you and our first date
    (just a stupid wishful thought i should've learned already that wishful thinking only leads to disapointment i feel so disgraced looking at myself in the mirror telling myself where is the man i used to know?, you were a hardened person once, stop being so sentimental it's not like you but i guess if it were that easy to just brush it off i would have done so alreadyi just can't let go.. )

    I need you
    ---------------
    You are my waking thought
    And the last thing on my mind
    As I drift off to sleep at night.
    You fill my dreams with visions of happiness and love,
    Visions that linger on and carry me through my day.
    There is a longing in my heart
    That someday we will become a reality.
    I want you with every fiber of my being.
    I need you as I need water, or air.
    I miss you every second of every day.
    And for everything that you are to me,
    Everything that you will ever be,
    I love you...
    just something i wrote when i was thinking about her again i barely noticed that she's one of the only things that ever crosses my mind as i go throughout my days so i started wondering, what if i never met her at bill's ranch server alarm skeeter by larry and ? then i started with the thoughts i'd be a walking remnant no purpose in life only to keep pursuing the task of serving the marines like a robot it's already what i am by nature never smiling never showing pain just live to serve it's all i ever do serve serve serve it became something i did daily then i thought she doesn't feel for you that way.. you're already alone, and always have been...always will be...)

    please don't go...
    ----------------------------
    Before I met you, I was alone
    Lonely and frightened, with nowhere to go
    No place to be, I didn't belong
    I felt like everything I once knew was gone
    Before I met you, I didn't see
    Stumbling in the dark, nothing mattered to me
    But then when you came, you showed me the light
    I'm no longer afraid to face the night
    I once had someone who I thought could care
    But then she was gone, with me waiting there
    I watched her go, with tears in my eyes
    It is always too painful to say goodbye
    Don't leave me now!
    Don't ever go!
    I can't stand being hurt again!
    Is it selfish of me, to want you here?
    To need you every now and then?
    Before I met you, I just drifted
    My eyes turned down, never uplifted
    I hardly talked, there was nothing to say
    I should've known I would have to pay
    Before I met you, I had no life
    My feelings inside, always at strife
    I cried myself to sleep, knowing I lost
    I'd never know love had such a cost
    But then on that day, with your smiling face
    Caressing my cheek, with such loving grace
    I smiled at you, I felt I was free
    A door in life had been opened for me
    Since I've met you, I think of this
    The way that you spoke to me
    The way that you comforted me
    Before I met you, I didn't care
    But now I know someone will always be there
    Could it be true...
    It will be you...
    Don't leave me now!
    Don't ever go!
    I can't stand being hurt again!
    Is it selfish of me, to want you here?
    To need you every now and then?
    Because I need you...
    Because I love you...
    (something i was writing when my teacher caught me crying in class he couldn't help but feel bad for me so he let me off of the test for algebra and let me go sit behind his desk after when he passed it out he passed me a note asking why i was crying i told him it was about a girl and that i knew it was stupid to feel this way at my age but it didn't justify the way i felt so he wanted to know more i got to talking a little about it he wanted to know if i cried every day like that i said yes i do and he wanted to know how i coped with pain like that i wrote this poem.. he cried for me ...)



    End of heartache
    _____________
    This distance, this dissolution
    I cling to memories while falling
    Sleep brings release, and the hope of a new day
    Waking the misery of being without you
    Surrender, I give in
    Another moment is another eternity
    (Seek me) For comfort
    (Call me) For solace
    (I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart
    (Seek me) Completion
    (Call me) I'll be waiting
    (I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart
    You know me, you know me all too well
    My only desire - to bridge our division
    In sorrow I speak your name
    And my voice mirrors my torment
    (Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace
    (I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart
    (Seek me) Completion, (Call me) I'll be waiting
    (I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart
    Am I breathing?
    My strength fails me
    Your picture, a bitter memory
    For comfort, for solace
    (Seek me) For comfort
    (Call me) For solace
    (I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart
    (Seek me) Completion
    (Call me) I'll be waiting
    (I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart

    (this song matches just how i feel our distance from eachother has me really sad without her there and then i started to remember our old days together sometime before the end of the school year when we found eachother when where how i we met the memorys were so sweet and yet so bitter i feel the memorys just killing me sleeping seemed to be the only thing that gave me release but even then i dream of her and i being a couple sometimes i wished that i would never wake up and just hoping that tomorrow would be somewhat better than the last but that just wasn't enough every day witout her it woke my pain of knowing she isn't with me i just gave in stopped smiling just lived by meaninglessly i wasn't strong enough to wait and keep hope so i just sort of gave into my pain and let it change me..she was one of the few things that kept me going not to forget the biggest thing that kept me going now i'm left waiting for my pain to just end she knows me all to well but she thinks i only want to bridge our division as friends but i want more than that i talk about her alot as i do my voice mirrors my torment i want to hear her voice but i'm left waiting for her sometimes wondering am i breathing? i feel so weak the pictures shes sent me bitter memorys i can't stand the pain of being without her i want to be with her, no i need her with me i just don't feel complete without her like she's the missing piece to the jigsaw puzzle in my life without her i won't ever truly be complete...)


    Alone
    ____
    alone
    i'm so alone
    without your love i'm dying
    your melodious voice rings inside my mind
    i can't stand the pain
    soon you'll know how i still love you
    at peace at the same time crying
    though i can't live without you,
    there's no use in dying
    the things between us you cannot hide
    your gentle hand weighs upon my mind
    oh i can't stand this pain
    soon i'll know
    if you do love me

    i felt so alone without her being with me it always made me cry but everywhere i went i could hear her voice so beautiful and true to my hearts desire but just thinking about it was so horribly painful i was only thinking of the day that she'd know how i truly feel for her but somehow at the same time thinking about it brought me happiness even without her there just with the sweet thought of her and i being one some day i couldn't wait i felt like i was just living on like a sort of remnant but then it got worse because i could actually feel her hand holding mine and sometimes even seeing her next to me for a moment it just made me even sadder but again the thought of her knowing one day just how much i love her kept me going not anymore...)
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