- by orangechanel |
- Comics
- | Submitted on 10/12/2009 |
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Comments (2 Comments)
- The Furry Poet - 02/11/2010
- im likin this its great and as the other person said maybe work a lil better on grammar writin and stuff
- Report As Spam
- ~Twilight Fairy Of Light~ - 11/02/2009
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Even though I know you, but I feel like it's my duty to critique harshly.
Spend time trying to format this properly. Capitalize correctly, no periods, etc. People will take you much more seriously.
Rearrange the order of the words on the lines to make it less akward.
Change the original to...
You can beg for me
to show myself
but I won't
...and it will sound much better. Try reading the words out loud to see if they flow smoothly.
Once you do that, I can critique the subject itself. - Report As Spam
