- by Lollipop x L u x u r y |
- Comics
- | Submitted on 08/02/2009 |
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- Title: You couldn't be gone.
- Artist: Lollipop x L u x u r y
-
Description:
Yes, I know. "This is already in the arena! You stole this writing". Before you go off on that, I am Nisa the Brown Nose Clown, the one who originally wrote this. C:
Thought to submit it on this account seeing as I use this one more now.
Feed backs and Comments? And please, don't rate on grammer. : / That'd totally miss the point on rating for quality of the work. I do realise I have mistakes in it. - Date: 08/02/2009
- Tags: couldnt gone
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Comments (5 Comments)
- Iori Asakura - 05/30/2014
- I can't help but to thinking , you was just masturbating and you did a poem on it or a poem on a girlfriend or a boyfriend . That's what I'm getting at with this poem . If I am wrong , then I'm wrong .
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- Ja Crispies - 08/08/2009
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very nice, its a great beginning.
in some places though you can erase extra words to make it flow smoother
like "dont stare at me,with such cold eyes.then end that stanza..actually i think thats the only part that bothers me..lol
but yeah very interesting..maybe like purple said try to make it a mystery whether she really has died. - Report As Spam
- PotatoPooHead - 08/07/2009
- See my thread. My critique didn't fit here. razz
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- Purple-shoes616 - 08/05/2009
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That was very good. I like the sort of surprise it builds up to that he's dead. Because the piece relies on surprise, I would avoid using the word "dead" at all. Even in the last paragraph. Don't worry your readers will figure it out.
Quality work - Report As Spam