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  • You couldn't be gone.
  • Voting has ended.
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  • Title: You couldn't be gone.
  • Artist: Lollipop x L u x u r y
  • Description: Yes, I know. "This is already in the arena! You stole this writing". Before you go off on that, I am Nisa the Brown Nose Clown, the one who originally wrote this. C:
    Thought to submit it on this account seeing as I use this one more now.
    Feed backs and Comments? And please, don't rate on grammer. : / That'd totally miss the point on rating for quality of the work. I do realise I have mistakes in it.
  • Date: 08/02/2009
  • Tags: couldnt gone
  • Report Post
Comments (5 Comments)
  • Iori Asakura - 05/30/2014
  • I can't help but to thinking , you was just masturbating and you did a poem on it or a poem on a girlfriend or a boyfriend . That's what I'm getting at with this poem . If I am wrong , then I'm wrong .
  • Ja Crispies - 08/08/2009
  • very nice, its a great beginning.
    in some places though you can erase extra words to make it flow smoother
    like "dont stare at me,with such cold eyes.then end that stanza..actually i think thats the only part that bothers me..lol
    but yeah very interesting..maybe like purple said try to make it a mystery whether she really has died.
  • Purple-shoes616 - 08/05/2009
  • That was very good. I like the sort of surprise it builds up to that he's dead. Because the piece relies on surprise, I would avoid using the word "dead" at all. Even in the last paragraph. Don't worry your readers will figure it out.
    Quality work
 
 
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