- Title: The Raven
- Artist: Donutday
- Description: Just another story I wrote. (yes I said another!! Go find my others and read them too!!)
- Date: 10/18/2008
- Tags: raven magic apprentice
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Comments (4 Comments)
- sadeijo - 05/19/2009
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*It deleted the rest of my comment!*
--> Apart from not having a proper ending, twas an awesome story!
Oh and try to vary sentence structure and sentence length (the second one especially to add supense) - Report As Spam
- sadeijo - 05/19/2009
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--> I can picture the spiral staircase and the raven in my mind which is good.
->I'd get rid of a few of the adverbs. They're not all needed and are kind of distracting.
--> I liked your use of first person. It was compelling. I think this piece definitely could have been darker which would have made it more exciting.
-> Perhaps try to avoid dialogue tags as often as possible. Use said/says/replied/asked but refrain from t'others. Apparently tis lazy and tis best to describe the voice instead - Report As Spam
- Harmonious Dischord - 03/21/2009
- Good story!
- Report As Spam
